To say fuck it and give them picnic food?

[Blahdyblahbla]

My dc are a nightmare at home in relation to food. They eat well at the childminders house, but with me and grandparents they just refuse anything vaguely like a hot meal (unless of course its nuggets and chips).

I'm losing the will, I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition, half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

Most meals get rejected, they'd rather starve than try something they don't like the look of.
They both will reliably eat packed lunch/ picnic type food.

AIBU to say sod it and let them have a spread every evening for the next few months, just so I can drop the evening meal from my mental load? Or will it just make things worse?
They are 2 and 5.

I used to make proper meals and serve it in a lunch box!! 2 x toddler dc ate it every time!

Mine love “interactive” food too. A favourite is pasta feast…pasta shapes with two sauces (one tomato, one creamy), then bits to put on top themselves. Bits of bacon, grated cheese, chopped tomato, sausage etc. It’s super easy but they love getting involved.

[quote Blahdyblahbla]@regularbutnamechangedd mine would too, they have wills of steel!
Is a sandwich, bit of fruit, lump of cheese, a bit of hummus any less valid than a spag bol I wonder? It just feels "wrong" and not what I know to eat a picnic for every meal, and I can't really explain why [/quote]
I do think you get more cooked veg per portion, like hidden in a spag bol, than you ever could as crudités. But as long as there is a balanced plate of food there, and it isn't every day, I think it's fine.

My DC have really good, balanced, nutritious hot meals at school. Therefore I save my own sanity and once a week they get porridge and fruit for dinner, once a week I do an afternoon tea/picnic type meal (nice and quick before swimming), and once a week it's pizza. They will reliably eat a Sunday roast, so that only means 3 days a week of cooking food they may or may not deign to let pass their lips.

Thank you all so much, I'm going to embrace the picnic!
I had this ridiculous notion of having us all sitting down for a meal like the Bisto advert...its good to know so many of you face the same issues and work around them without guilt or worry.

Also, do not despair! At this age, most kids are not set in their ways for life. I say this as someone whose SD would pretty much eat pasta, potatoes and sweets age 5, but now eats most things at 9. Through a long, gradual, gruelling process of introducing new foods. Most of which she now actually likes.

why is hot food "better" than picnic food? I mean I get not wanting the kids to live on Ben and Jerry's and Red Bull, but so long as the kids are healthy and eating, what honestly is the problem?

Do what keeps you sane OP.
Personally, I go for the approach of ‘dinner is X, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it/aren’t hungry but there is no other option available’. She eats if she’s hungry even if she doesn’t much like the look of whatever I’ve served.

[quote Blahdyblahbla]@regularbutnamechangedd mine would too, they have wills of steel!
Is a sandwich, bit of fruit, lump of cheese, a bit of hummus any less valid than a spag bol I wonder? It just feels "wrong" and not what I know to eat a picnic for every meal, and I can't really explain why [/quote]
No, it's fine. And it won't be forever.

Cooking food that they don't eat is just going to be stressful for you and them and could do more harm in the long run as they could start association food with stress / anxiety.

You are right to just take the stress right out of it at dinner time.

Just cook one meal and they can take it or leave it, e.g. last night's leftovers. Then not stressful if they don't eat as you've done it for yourself really.

I would go with picnic food and try to add variety like that with eg different dips alongside the houmous, pitta bread sandwiches etc and work towards things that are closer to the meals you want them to eat. Taking the stress out of it and resetting how you all feel about mealtimes could really help.

@NeverTheHootenanny

Do what keeps you sane OP. Personally, I go for the approach of ‘dinner is X, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want it/aren’t hungry but there is no other option available’. She eats if she’s hungry even if she doesn’t much like the look of whatever I’ve served.

Different children are different. After a mouth injury my DD didn't eat anything for so long she ended up in hospital on a drip for several days. The hospital tried everything but she finally ate when they gave her some crisps. Eat or go hungry, for some children, means they will simply go hungry and every ends up miserable after a battle of wills that everybody loses.

Do what you’ve got to do!

There was a week in lockdown where DD had jacket potato and beans every day because I couldn’t cope with planning and cooking another meal for her to refuse it. Do what you’ve got to!

My DC are the same - at least in the week - they will have a sandwich etc for tea/dinner even if they've had the same at lunch. We do offer other food but they don't want it. DH & I eat what we want after they've gone to bed.
At weekends we all eat together & have the same hot dinner.

Food is food. Just do what works. You can slowly add in other things, but no one died of eating sandwiches

I'd go for it. If they don't eat it all, it can go in the fridge and it removes the resentment when throwing out another hot meal. The variety might also help with them trying more things. I love a good picnic meal on shopping days myself.

You need to ensure there are nutritional foods.

yup the eat or go hungry thing doesn't work with every child and where it doesn't work it causes BIG trouble

I still do this quite a bit now and they are 10 and 8

What do they eat at the childminders? Could you ask for her recipes and dish up the same? In these cold evening I think kids need a hot healthy meal and if they'll eat it there there's no reason for them not to eat it at home. There tend to be a lot more vegetables in a hot meal than in a cold one and less processed items - veggies are much better for you than fruit.

Hot meals at school are awful in my experience, made as cheaply as possible, in no way a substitute for a proper home cooked meal.

I'd try low maintenance kid friendly hot food. Baked potatoes. Pasta and sauce. Beans on toast. Cheese omelette.

I miss mine being in daycare purely the fact they got hot nutritious meal for lunch so I could just give a sandwich for tea.

@MyCatHatesWhiskas

I’m clearly a bad parent as I decided some time ago that one hot meal a day was plenty and mine always get picnic tea on childcare days! (3 out of 7) They get some combination of sandwich, fruit and perhaps some crisps, maybe a yogurt or similar after. Works well for us as they can eat literally as soon as they’re home if whoever is doing pickup has had time to prep it before getting them.

This! My DD doesn't want 2 hot meals a day now she's at school so she has 5 days a week of various picnic type foods but as healthy as possible. The odd day she might ask for an omelette or something but otherwise just picnic food.