To say fuck it and give them picnic food?

[Blahdyblahbla]

My dc are a nightmare at home in relation to food. They eat well at the childminders house, but with me and grandparents they just refuse anything vaguely like a hot meal (unless of course its nuggets and chips).

I'm losing the will, I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition, half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

Most meals get rejected, they'd rather starve than try something they don't like the look of.
They both will reliably eat packed lunch/ picnic type food.

AIBU to say sod it and let them have a spread every evening for the next few months, just so I can drop the evening meal from my mental load? Or will it just make things worse?
They are 2 and 5.

@TheOriginalEmu

Food is food. Just do what works. You can slowly add in other things, but no one died of eating sandwiches

No but having a very restricted diet is dangerous, especially if it's all beige. www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-49551337

Of course it's fine ... so many people esp on Mumsnet are obsessed with the idea of a 'proper hot meal'. Depending on what you choose of course but cold food is no more or less nutritious than hot food.

half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

I’d cut half the activities for a 5 & 2 year old tbh. You’ll never thank yourself for running round like a headless chicken for years on end. Chill. They don’t need to be at something every evening. Have some nice relaxed evenings making meals you enjoy, if they eat them great, if they don’t, fine. Make sure there is always at least one thing on the plate that you know they like and they’re covered.

As long as what they eat is nutritious with the right amount of carbs, vitamins etc… go with what they’ll eat.
Life is too short to cook meals that go in the bin.
I actually eat like this most of the summer, grazing boards. But in the winter it’s soup, casseroles, curries etc.

If they don't eat what they put down to them they starve, it is a easy as that.

My son was absolutely awful to feed as a toddler! I gave up and he lived on Chicken nuggets,bananas,cucumber,cheese and chocolate for ages …he is now a strapping 21 year old who loves his food. I really would try and not worry too much.

My youngest is like this, I think it’s fine as he often eats a healthier meal than us.
I try and use bits of our dinner for the basis of his meal. If we are having fajitas he gets the chicken, a plain wrap and raw peppers, tomatoes and carrots. Basically he has some protein and chopped up fruit and veg most nights. The only meals he likes are pizza and pasta.

He is nine now and has gradually added more things to his meals that he wouldn’t eat before, like the fajita chicken which would have been too flavourful before and roast potatoes which never used to look right. I find if most of the things on his plate are plain and normal he’s more willing to try one unusual thing 😊

Do they eat more at the childminder's because they are all sitting down together?
Can you do this? It will be worth it from interaction / modelling good eating point of view, even if it takes a while for them to be interested in what the grown ups are having.

I don't think OP is being unreasonable but I do think it maybe causes extra work down the line if you get into the habit of making one meal for the kids and one for yourselves.

They eat well at the childminders house

What does the childminder feed them?
Can you give them that, on the days they don't see her?

& an array of picnic food that they help prepare/set out on the days you know they've had good nutrition c/o childminder ... getting them involved, but not stressing about what they choose from the 'picnic table' may help.

I think I would start with picnic spread with the aim to move them to meals on a plate (cold same food) then some hot food like maybe a sausage roll or goujons (ehm nuggest in disguise) and move them towards the hot versions of it. Somtimes its just cos they are worn out and a hot meal feels like hard work and sitting at the table too - wherea picnic is more chilled.

Maybe hot chicken wraps, proper mini burgers in a toasted bun with salad, baked potatoes always used to go down well, home made pizzas

getting them involved does help hugely. Just keep the food selection wide and keep introducing new stuff

oh yeah another one - soft boiled egg and soldiers - good old fashioned kids tea and not overfacing

At the childminders my eldest hero worships an older child, so will eat what they eat....I can't replicate that at home short of borrowing the child
Actually lots of you have thrown up solutions that will work like omelette, beans on toast, some middle ground just to keep me happy they've not completely disengaged from hot food.
Even the thought of this feels so liberating, no more pretending to ignore them not eating, or breaking the golden rules and cajoling them into eating with offerings of puddings etc. Tomorrow will be a new start

I was going to post something similar!
I literally spend 40 mins cooking nice dinners and they get rejected.
Or say I've made a burger for them, they'd just eat the bread - nothing else.
I'm fed up of spending all my time thinking of and making meals only for them to survive on weetabix and the occasional orange OR their favourite - cold tomato pasta. Definitely not hot!

One of them will only eat Jam sandwiches as well.

When will this end?
I feel guilty constantly.

They are 2.5 and 3.5...

Mine has a hot dinner at school so during the week it's a packed lunch tea most nights! The odd night I do a hot dinner but quite frankly I don't think he needs two anyway!

One of my DC has picnic food most week nights, as he eats a full hot meal at school. He has a sandwich or bagel, various fruits, carrots, cucumber, olives, hummus, raisins, crisps/cheese biscuits/ cheese and crackers, sometimes lettuce, and something sweet! It’s a monster plate but he wolfs it all and it is just as nutritious as a hot meal. He’s quite fussy with hot food but “normal” fussy and will try a bite of most things. Other DC has a selective eating disorder, and will very literally starve if I don’t cook him one of his 2 exact “safe” meals every night. He does not eat a single thing at school, or in groups, or at other peoples houses, eats no sweets/chocolate/crisps/very limited snacks. He feels about food the way I would feel if someone released a load of spiders over my dinner and told me to “get on and eat it, just ignore the spiders”. Saying “eat it or go hungry” was the worst mistake we ever made when he was young, as he literally couldn’t and ended up making himself sick on multiple times from hysterical distress.
My DH and I eat something separate again. It does get exhausting, but the pleasure and relief of having both DC actually eat is worth the effort!

Sorry, not read full thread, but are they hungry? Do they get a meal at the child minder in late afternoon or early evening? If so, then a smaller evening meal of sandwich and carrot sticks will be fine.

If not, I would just serve up the meals you cook in different ways that resemble picnic food - so smaller portion, maybe with a jolly "ooh, picnic" as you serve it up?

(I say this as someone who broke their heart over a child who ate nothing but weetabix for their lunch and tea from 16 months to 3yrs old, unless at basically anywhere but home. I ended up just giving him the food on different plates and making up names. We have the infamous "made up lunch" which is crackers, cheese, chicken, apple slices and blueberries. He wouldn't eat chicken and cheese sandwiches or a whole apple so this was the compromise. So a jolly rebrand of the meal and a new plastic plate with favourite cartoon character on actually made a difference. But it was bloody hard going before then.)

@DustyDoorframes - this is actually genius. very simple too, so not sure why. Something has just clicked though, and this is exactly what I'm going to do from now on.

A hot meal is not more nutritious than a cold meal.

Would it make you feel better if I tell you that I went to an Evening with Nigella Lawson last week and one of the questions was about cooking for one when you feel like it's not worth the faff... she said she'll sometimes just have some nice bread and a nice piece of cheese. If it's good enough for her...

What a happy update OP, very pleased for you.

& yeah, borrowing a spare child does seem a bit OTT, although you've given me the notion of maybe constructing one of those lifesize cardboard cut-outs like you see in of film stars in cinema foyers.
Surely this wouldn't be too much trouble?
I'm certain the child's mother won't think it's batshit to record said hero making "mmmmm scrummy nutritious heaps of vegetables" remarks, so you can play lifelike & convincing audio at dinner time?

what is this thing about kids must eat hot food?

This is all my 4 year old with eat! She calls it “picky plate” loads of salad, fruit & protein can’t seem the harm

We had this with DS until he was about 12. So many rows about him not eating between me and DH that in the end we decided to give him what he liked. I figured that sandwiches wouldn't hurt all the time.

He's now nearly 16 and he eats most things so it hasn't done any harm

Just give in to is would be my advice, 4 years post pickiness

Is your 5 year old in school yet do they have packed lunch or dinners ?

Should have said we started doing this when he was about 4 until he grew up and his taste sort of appeared.