To say fuck it and give them picnic food?

[Blahdyblahbla]

My dc are a nightmare at home in relation to food. They eat well at the childminders house, but with me and grandparents they just refuse anything vaguely like a hot meal (unless of course its nuggets and chips).

I'm losing the will, I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition, half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

Most meals get rejected, they'd rather starve than try something they don't like the look of.
They both will reliably eat packed lunch/ picnic type food.

AIBU to say sod it and let them have a spread every evening for the next few months, just so I can drop the evening meal from my mental load? Or will it just make things worse?
They are 2 and 5.

I did this loads when mine were little, DH was away a lot and we did numerous after school activities. Not always picnic but food that I could "assemble" rather than cook. So, also things like soft boiled eggs with soldiers and veg sticks. Jacket potatoes, wraps with different fillings, crumpets or pizza bases with toppings, decent sausages on hot dog rolls or with frozen mash. Mine would also always eat pasta and pesto - used to make my own sometimes and add in spinach for a bit extra veg - and egg fried rice with frozen peas and sweetcorn thrown in.

They are older now and eat a normal variety of different foods.

Could you not send last nights dinner you make to the childminder and ask her could she just warm it in the microwave and give it to them half and hour before you are due to arrive, to see if they will eat it for her. Obviously she can still give them their packed lunch ect during the day.
Then may you can just give them a sandwich or something before bed if you feel they need it. X

Ah @Blahdyblahbla I can sympathise. I have a 4&5yr old and have the same battles.

We have a strict, this is what is for dinner. We all eat the same. You don't have to eat it but you do need to try it. There is nothing else. And we stand firm.

There are occasions where it might be a bit spicy or they've tried a bit of everything and said they don't like it and I've given them a banana or toast. But generally I stand firm.

Of course they have a preference for familiar foods. But who is responsible for making food familiar?

Going without dinner for a few days won't make them starve. They will have a bigger breakfast the following morning and probably a bigger lunch. Eventually they will come round.

They’re not too tired to eat nuggets and chips though

Well quite but actually that is familiar and non challenging for a hangry,tired little one rather than having a battle over something new during the witching hour.
Sometimes its about surviving and being kind to yourself as a parent.
Knocking yourself out cooking fancy stuff for tired, crabby young DC is setting yourself up to fail.
There is so much pressure on mothers these days

Chips and nuggets are pretty much a comfort food so far easier to face when you’re tired and hangry.

Well quite but actually that is familiar and non challenging for a hangry,tired little one rather than having a battle over something new during the witching hour.

If nugget and chips are the only foods familiar to *OP’s children then that’s a problem.

Chips and nuggets are pretty much a comfort food

What/who makes them a comfort food?

I feel your pain! most nights I cook two meals- one for the kids and one for partner sometimes we have the same but now both kids have decided they like different things and there is no way I'm cooking three meals a night. Tonight youngest refused bolognaise so they had weetabix for tea instead.

@PinkSyCo

Chips and nuggets are pretty much a comfort food

What/who makes them a comfort food?

The National comfort food awarding body. They sit once a year. Chips and nuggets made the list in 1996.

You would be surprised how many parents do picnic teas!

They can be healthy and simple

Do they have a school dinner? I say go for it and try to introduce the occasional new food without it being too much effort

The National comfort food awarding body. They sit once a year. Chips and nuggets made the list in 1996.

It's fine OP. Really, it is. Give them a selection of food that they will eat. Hot or cold.

My DH and I (both over 60 ) are having a 'picnic tea' tonight ... we call it Tapas ... but basically the same idea, selection of cold bits and pieces with wine. Surely lots of people eat like like that without getting stressed about not having a 'hot meal'. ?

Yawn

I’m so sick of hearing the normal practice of having a hot family meal in the evening described as a “MN obsession”. It really isn’t. It not a MN thing and it’s not an obsession. It’s been a normal part of family life in the UK to have a warm meal in the evening for a very long time.

And not just in the UK. All around the world, even in the hottest countries people eat hot meals every day. What’s more the children eat the exact same meals as their parents! It is only in the western world where the poor dears are far too tired to pick up a fork, put food (other than nuggets and chips) in their mouths and chew it.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing OP. You could do picnic in the week, and a family meal at the weekend (be it lunch or dinner time) when it's a little easier, or whichever day of the week is your easiest day. Just to keep it there as a thing you sometimes do esp for when they are older so you're not introducing it from scratch. But by all means easy option.

By the way, on the solutions front... the thing that works for me best is putting pastry round things. So you could make a mixed veg thing, make a big puff pastry sausage (bought pastry not made) and then they can eat them cold or heated up.

@PinkSyCo

Yawn

I’m so sick of hearing the normal practice of having a hot family meal in the evening described as a “MN obsession”. It really isn’t. It not a MN thing and it’s not an obsession. It’s been a normal part of family life in the UK to have a warm meal in the evening for a very long time.

And not just in the UK. All around the world, even in the hottest countries people eat hot meals every day. What’s more the children eat the exact same meals as their parents! It is only in the western world where the poor dears are far too tired to pick up a fork, put food (other than nuggets and chips) in their mouths and chew it.

Yes it is normal to have a hot meal in most cultures. Although there is nothing wrong with a picnic tea, if it was all the time what you ate would be very limited, unless you put a lot of work into it.

I do a combo for my picky 6 year old.. whatever I cook he has a small portion, then I put cucumber, carrots etc and bits he will eat on the side. Add in some garlic bread etc and encourage at least 3-4 mouthfuls of the intended meal!

When my eldest was 2-3 he would literally eat nuggets/fish fingers/sausages and ketchup. No rice, pasta, Nash it even chips. Certainly no beans! He never ate lunch at nursery (the hot meal) he refused every day until he was 3. Slowly he began to eat and they would show me him eating it and then I would give him the same at home. He'll only eat raw veg but eats fairly well in general. My 2 year old is exactly the same. I'm trying not to worry and hope he'll come around in his own time.
So yeah, don't sweat it. They'll live and there is nothing more demoralising than cooking a meal they won't eat. Life really is too hard right now (for me anyway)

Yanbu to feel like it, but honestly I wouldn't do it. Not every night at least. I do sandwiches and crisps one night (when they have activities and have eaten a hot dinner at school) and one or 2 nights of sausage chips beans etc. The other nights I cook properly. I might tailor their portion and build up to them eating the full meal. For example tonight, beef masaman. I gave them sonecstir fried stripe of beef, with rice. They have cooked carrots (as a veg I know they like) and sone green beans and potato out of the curry. Sauce I'm a bowl on the side. One decided to pour the sauce on abd has eaten the lot. The other tried and doesn't like the sauce, but ate the rest.

It has been quite a lot of hard work tbh but worth it to have dc that will give most things a try.

I think its important for them to learn that something not being their favourite, doesn't mean they won't /don't like it.

If they are eating well at the childminders then give them what you know They will eat. As long as it is nutritious who cares what form it takes. Sandwiches, sausage rolls, fritters, cheeses and pineapple.
My kids love picnic dinners best.
And I don’t need that hassle of’ one more mouthful/no dessert’ conversations
I have sent my kids to bed on Jam sandwiches before, bowls of porridge, croque monsieurs….
Life is too short.

Usually I find that refusal to eat at that age is about control. It’s the one thing they can control….. so perhaps let them choose where when and what to eat occasionally
It’s helped here in the past

@maddening

Get the 5 year old to "help" in the kitchen I reckon.

Get both of them to "help" in the kitchen, in my experience it works wonderfully . They enjoy the process and then enjoy the delicious rewards!

And not just in the UK. All around the world, even in the hottest countries people eat hot meals every day. What’s more the children eat the exact same meals as their parents! It is only in the western world where the poor dears are far too tired to pick up a fork, put food (other than nuggets and chips) in their mouths and chew it.

Thats true, I think. We had au pairs when our children were at primary school, and they were astonished and actually uncomprehending about food refusal and pickiness.

Funny this comes up. I had this with my now twelf year old from the age of about 4. I chose to persist and go the route of you eat what you get no negotiation. I forced him to eat at times and would let him sit there for an hour if that is what he wanted. He would be picking his food stickih two tiny carrot pieces at a time in his mouth and chew it for about 5 min eah time. Infuriating! But recently he has started eating what he doesn't like and tells us proudly that he is no wimp.
So the long play has worked out in the end.
I think the trick is not to care if it takes hours or if he doesn't eat. The idea that he will literally starf to death is nonsense though. You can trust human instinct to cut in at some point, but yes he me skip a meal or maybe even three. Just make sure he has nothing else to sneak in.

@Blahdyblahbla

My dc are a nightmare at home in relation to food. They eat well at the childminders house, but with me and grandparents they just refuse anything vaguely like a hot meal (unless of course its nuggets and chips).

I'm losing the will, I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition, half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

Most meals get rejected, they'd rather starve than try something they don't like the look of.
They both will reliably eat packed lunch/ picnic type food.

AIBU to say sod it and let them have a spread every evening for the next few months, just so I can drop the evening meal from my mental load? Or will it just make things worse?
They are 2 and 5.

get out the cook books! let them decide from looking at the pics, then get them involved in making a shopping list and getting the items and then also the cooking of it. works every time in our house

I forced him to eat at times and would let him sit there for an hour if that is what he wanted.

There’s something wrong with you.

@Duckrace

And not just in the UK. All around the world, even in the hottest countries people eat hot meals every day. What’s more the children eat the exact same meals as their parents! It is only in the western world where the poor dears are far too tired to pick up a fork, put food (other than nuggets and chips) in their mouths and chew it.

Thats true, I think. We had au pairs when our children were at primary school, and they were astonished and actually uncomprehending about food refusal and pickiness.

That is because in some countries food refusal is rare. Basically you get the same extreme food refusal as you get in Britain. You don't get the ordinary level of food fussiness that many parents in Britain accept as "normal".