No thank you, no more gifts

[SaturdaySummer]

I have given around 10/11 big bags for life FULL of John Lewis and Next clothes, toys, a play mat, a bath seat, an inflatable chair etc. To someone my dad works with. The lad is early 20s and on an apprentice wage and his gf is a student so they would struggle to get everything on such limited income. All the clothes were excellent condition, some with labels on still. I washed and ironed everything. These were things my son had outgrown and we are lucky to have been able to afford everything he needed so I didn't mind helping someone else out. My friend also gave them more items - about 4 bags for life with again, clothes with labels on etc. I didn't give these things expecting anything in return but the couple have not even sent a thank you card of text - they have literally had thousands of pounds worth of stuff. AIBU to give things to charity in future now instead of this couple as I really feel they have been incredibly rude and ungrateful to not even acknowledge what they have been given

At least the charity said would have said thank you which is more than the OP has got.

Charity shop

So they never even said thank you when your dad handed over the first bag, but you continued to give them more and more?
And get angrier and angrier?

There is an unpleasant tone to your posts. You seem quite enamoured with your own grand genorosity, and disproportionately very angry it has not been sufficiently recognised.

You called them 'ignorant pigs' which I think reveals a nasty streak here.

I hated getiing bags and bags of clothes given to me, as it provided another job to do, to sort out, and then get rid of what I didn't want.

I would say thank you however, but I didn't send cards.

If they are such 'ignorant pigs' they didn't even say thank you once, you were a fool to keep giving.

I would be pissed off at how much stuff you’ve just shat all over my house.

Yabu. You didn't need it anymore.

I didn't do thank yous for my baby gifts as I was exhausted, in pain and had too much on my plate.

Ah, thanks 😊 🤭

Hi
What is YABU

You gave them too much. Especially if they live in a small home. You’ve put them in an embarrassing situation. I bet the husband did says thanks to your DF but didn’t think more was needed. Or perhaps he was overwhelmed at the quantity. I think I also benefit by giving outgrown to others as I get rid of them.

So you have have handed 15 bags to this lad over a period of time. And he has never said thanks to either your dad or yourself?

Why the fuck do you keep giving them bags of stuff? No thanks for either the stuff or the delivery of the stuff would have meant no more stuff.

I have gave gifts over the years, some have thanked promptly others later and some not at all.

Maybe the child is not sleeping or they haven't sorted the stuff out, or maybe they just never were brought up with good manners. Not everyone is sadly.

I have got stuff I neither wanted nor liked . But dh told me to be thankful.

Given this has troubled you. Message them and ask if they were happy with your kind gifts. That should get a response.

@junebirthdaygirl

Maybe they intend to send out thank you cards to all who gave gifts for baby haven't managed to do them yet. So wait and see. I have to admit l got totally overwhelmed when my dsis gave me boxes of stuff for dd. Felt l couldn't choose anything myself as there was so much from her dd.

I meant to do this with our first, she barely slept for the first year, a lot of things fell by the wayside. First baby can be overwhelming. I'm also like some PPs would find that many bags of clothes too much. Well meant but overwhelming, I would be feeling guilty like I should be thankful and annoyed because Id want to buy my own clothes for baby, but would feel like I have to use the clothes I'd be given. A well meaning friend did this. It's too much.

I honestly hate this ‘the undeserving poor weren’t grateful enough’ bollocks, it’s horrible.

I got given tons of stuff when I was pregnant - I’d asked for some hand me downs rather than buying new and basically got given everything that people couldn’t be arsed to get rid of themselves and saw me as the easiest way to get rid of it.

Was told it was mine to keep, but they seemed to get pissed off when I sold it all for £500. I could be arsed to get rid of it.

People like to think that they are the good guys and are entitled to a thank you, even when it may not be viewed as a favour.

No good deed goes unpunished OP 😂

Ahhh OP I had someone like you rage at me just after I’d had DD. She was born early so it was a tough time and we got loads of stuff from my work colleagues (things like their kids old baby clothes etc) my friend from work would drop them off every week or so and I made a mental note to say thank you next time I saw them. But honestly with DD being a preemie and the sleep deprivation, as well as the long list of work colleagues (some I barely knew) I forgot to personally thank each and everyone.

Anyway my friend told me a few weeks later that a certain person had been bitching about how angry she was with me for not having the decency to message her thank you for the baby clothes (I don’t even know which ones she gave me as I’d been given that many) I was angry at that because she had no idea what I was going through at the time and I hadn’t even properly gotten round to sorting the mountain of stuff dumped on me weekly.

I think another poster summed it up, you give to others because you genuinely want to and not to be praised or get an ego boost

'ignorant pigs'

It does sound like they were ungrateful, but some of your comments about them are plain nasty. It sounds like money is very tight for them, they could have found the whole pregnancy overwhelming or they're just rude or they expected a little and you gave way too much. None of us know their side of it.
Giving to baby bank sounds like a good idea for future OP.

I once gave a bag of my lovingly collected horse books to the horse-mad twelve-year-old daughter of my (wealthy) boss. I didn’t get a thank you. And I found a couple of them torn up in pieces in the office. I was really upset. I didn’t give to receive anything, but the disrespect did hurt a lot. I’d loved and treasured those books and collected them over years, and thought she would too. With my more mature hindsight, she was a spoilt brat.

So I sort of hear you, OP, but I also think you’re possibly feeling indignant that someone so ‘lowly’ wasn’t falling all over themselves with gratitude at your posh baby clothes. They have been rude, but you’re going to have to let it go.

Oh @RememberSeptember. You had a name change fail, didn’t you? 🤭

SatSummer asked me to post the reply above. She is logging off. Comments became personal and attacking. Said I'd pass it on. Thanks

Riiight

@SaturdaySummer
@RememberSeptember

Busted

I think it's basic manners to thank someone if they do something for us or give something to us. In my opinion they should have reached out to thank you themselves, even just a text. It just shows they are grateful and appreciate your generosity. It's not like you want them to get down on their hands and knees and worship you, i don't understand why anyone would think a thank you when you give someone something is unreasonable.

I don't believe for one minute that this lad hasn't said thank you to your dad, 10/11 times he's been given a bag either.

YABU on the basis that if you gave the clothes to charity, you wouldn't get a thank you card so really it's the same thing as giving to this couple.

You wanted to help somebody out, you did. Be grateful that you are in that position. Maybe they will pay it forward someday, maybe they won't. Worst case scenario, there's a baby with warm clothes on tonight because of your generosity.

Your mistake was giving everything in one go.

I’d have given a bag or two to suss them out, if they even wanted the stuff etc.

It’s a sad truth that the more you give to people the less they value it and yet expect more.

I'm not sure I'd send a card for 2nd hand stuff, I'd think I was doing the giver a favour by accepting it