No thank you, no more gifts

[SaturdaySummer]

I have given around 10/11 big bags for life FULL of John Lewis and Next clothes, toys, a play mat, a bath seat, an inflatable chair etc. To someone my dad works with. The lad is early 20s and on an apprentice wage and his gf is a student so they would struggle to get everything on such limited income. All the clothes were excellent condition, some with labels on still. I washed and ironed everything. These were things my son had outgrown and we are lucky to have been able to afford everything he needed so I didn't mind helping someone else out. My friend also gave them more items - about 4 bags for life with again, clothes with labels on etc. I didn't give these things expecting anything in return but the couple have not even sent a thank you card of text - they have literally had thousands of pounds worth of stuff. AIBU to give things to charity in future now instead of this couple as I really feel they have been incredibly rude and ungrateful to not even acknowledge what they have been given

You know what you could go and buy your own thank you card and write it out to yourself and put it on the mantelpiece so visitors will know what a good person you are. I think that will resolve everything nicely.

OP you didn't come on to ask AIBU, because you are not prepared to take on board other people's opinions.

You came on here to have a bitch.

IF it was more stuff than they can handle then what you've actually gifted them is another job to do dispersing it all.

@beastlyslumber

You know what you could go and buy your own thank you card and write it out to yourself and put it on the mantelpiece so visitors will know what a good person you are. I think that will resolve everything nicely.

🤣🤣 it's all very Hyacinth Bucket

They’re probably a bit overwhelmed and possibly embarrassed.

1. why keep giving stuff if them not saying thank you the first time pissed you off?
2. how on earth do you still have MORE stuff to give away??
3. it is rude not to say thank you but why have you wound yourself up about it? Just chill out. It serves no one.

It doesn’t matter if there was too much stuff, they asked for help, a kind person helped them and they can’t be arsed to say thank you.

The basic manners of some people is atrocious. I’ve stopped giving presents to a Neice and nephew, both in their 20s who can’t be arsed to text me to a simple thank you for the money I send them every birthday and Xmas.

Maybe they asked your dad to thank you since he was the middle man.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. A text saying thank you is hardly onerous.

They're probably too busy with a young baby to think of thank you notes. YABU.

I honestly think it’s petty to get upset over something so silly, if they have such little support maybe they are both slept deprived and their priorities are in a different place right now? I don’t expect anything when I give something to someone so it wouldn’t bother me at all but if it means that much to you then find a charity to give it all to

Lizzie same; sick of bad manners. Op yes they should have said thanks. Did they say thanks to your dad at all?

@HireStarter

YABU.

A thank you card...They probably said thank you to the person who physically gave them the bags, hoping it would reach you.

No one forced you to give away the stuff. And also, 10-11 bags of stuff?! That's excessive! One bag is enough for each size and no one wants age 3/4 to store for a new baby.

I don't mean this horribly as clearly you had good intentions but I don't think you're the right kind of person to give things to others. People don't always behave as we expect and it's not worth the aggro. Next time, give to charity.

This !

In principle YANBU and they're being quite rude in the face of incredible generosity, but without knowing age of baby and relative health of mum & baby now and throughout the pregnancy, I can't completely condemn them. It also sounds like they might just have bigger fish to fry. Not ideal but I can see how "thank yous" might slip under the radar. You might get one later?

The way you write, however... you lost me at ignorant pigs. If your refusal to offer anymore gets back to them, perhaps they'd also rather go without than bow and cringe with gratitude at the scraps of Lady Muck. Sorry.

@BornIn78

I got sick of people foisting their unwanted baby clothes and items onto me when I was pregnant, as if they were doing me a huge favour.

Did you ask if they actually wanted the stuff or needed it?

Absolutely same here. The worst was a relative who asked me to pop round to collect. No problem, she’s doing me a ‘favour’ after all.

I went round there and she hadn’t sorted out anything. She went into the loft while I waited downstairs. She then proceeded to spend the entire evening crying into each and every baby grow about ‘how fast they grow’ and ‘you never get that time back’ etc. etc. I was shattered after a day at work and 8 months pregnant. Honestly I was ready to tell her to keep the lot! She probably thought I was ungrateful.

I think you've got the wrong idea of what the act of giving is actually supposed to mean. Was this "charitable" act really about helping these people, and not really about your own ego?

If your motivation is to be thanked, then examine those motivations.

Also that's a serious amount of stuff! Perhaps they're not sure if you're done yet?

🤣🤣 it's all very Hyacinth Bucket

It is indeed!

@SaturdaySummer were you also raised to refer to people as ignorant pigs when they have been mildly rude?

Good grief, the lower echelons eh, what are they like?

I'll tell you what's rude. My friend asked for my baby stuff for her daughter and said she'd buy them from me. I handed over a pram and other equipment and never received a penny. That's rude.

I'll tell you another thing that's rude. Calling people ignorant pigs on a public Internet forum.

Did they say thank you when you gave it to them? Verbally?

You threw the serfs a few slices of stale cake and they didn't even doff their cap or curtsey?

How rude of them.

This is so OTT! Calling people ignorant and pigs because of this! When I pass on my DD's old clothes I'm glad to be rid of them and don't give it another thought!

@speakout

You threw the serfs a few slices of stale cake and they didn't even doff their cap or curtsey?

How rude of them.

This!

They are probably overwhelmed. They might be sleep deprived. Their baby might be unwell. They may have meant one or two items not huge bag loads of clothes. It might be too much for them to sort through right now. Thank yous will be low priority while they focus on their newborn. Just be glad you could declutter them from your home.

They have no manners.

Simple as that.

Yes, you are right to be miffed.

I guess they simply haven't been brought up with good manners and lack social skills.

But at the same time had I been you. I'd have donated only a few items first to see if they were useful, before showering them with so much.