No thank you, no more gifts

[SaturdaySummer]

I have given around 10/11 big bags for life FULL of John Lewis and Next clothes, toys, a play mat, a bath seat, an inflatable chair etc. To someone my dad works with. The lad is early 20s and on an apprentice wage and his gf is a student so they would struggle to get everything on such limited income. All the clothes were excellent condition, some with labels on still. I washed and ironed everything. These were things my son had outgrown and we are lucky to have been able to afford everything he needed so I didn't mind helping someone else out. My friend also gave them more items - about 4 bags for life with again, clothes with labels on etc. I didn't give these things expecting anything in return but the couple have not even sent a thank you card of text - they have literally had thousands of pounds worth of stuff. AIBU to give things to charity in future now instead of this couple as I really feel they have been incredibly rude and ungrateful to not even acknowledge what they have been given

you will get a load of crap on here but YANBU
this is a classic example of "this is why we can't have / do nice things"
some ingrates just ruin it for everyone.

We are about to have our first child and have received some handme downs. Candidly, we earn comfortably and could afford to buy new if I wanted...
Am I in love with all of the stuff we were given? No.
Was it thoughtful and kind? Yes.

We thanked everyone and in a couple of highly generous instances sent wine and toys for the donors children.
BECAUSE IT COMMON COURTESY AND MANNERS ARE FREE.

Take your clothes & bundle them and sell them on FB market place and buy yourself or your kids something nice.
Tell you Dad all your kids clothes/things are spoken for from now until infinity and don't give them a single thing ever again.

YABU

Do not give to receive

[quote Ponoka7]@PurpleMarie

Ponoka7

"Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?"
"Because the father of the child couldn’t say thank you?"
Young men can be thoughtless and not pass messages on.

I too thought that they were starting to feel patronised. They might have family whose toes are being tread on.[/quote]
Very little family support

@BobLemon

YABU

Do not give to receive

A thank you though would be nice

You seem very indignant OP. I think you need to let it go. You seem to think they should be hugely grateful that you’ve showered your largesse on them. You also seem quite smug about your relative wealth. Maybe they didn’t really like all the stuff? It can be quite disempowering.

Yes they should say thank you
Did they pass a thank you on through your dad?

How long ago did you give the items? What stage of the pregnancy is the woman at/how long ago was the baby born?

Did they not say thanks to whoever handed them the items and ask them to pass on their thanks?

Tbh whatever the answers to these questions you sound unreasonably angry about, what is, unless there's a back story of selfish/rude behaviour from this couple, probably nothing worse than an oversight from overwhelmed young parents (to be?)

In reality the lad who works with your dad probably said thanks to your dad every time he gave him a bag of stuff, if you’ve been passing it on over a number of months.

And maybe they intend to send a thank you card once the baby is born, maybe with a photo of the baby in one of the outfits you gave them.

But seeing as you’re now calling them ignorant pigs, it’s probably best that you do your Lady Bountiful act only for the neo-natal unit in future where you can be can bask in the recognition and gratitude which is obviously so important to you and which you know for sure you’ll receive from them.

@Totalwasteofpaper

you will get a load of crap on here but YANBU this is a classic example of "this is why we can't have / do nice things" some ingrates just ruin it for everyone.

We are about to have our first child and have received some handme downs. Candidly, we earn comfortably and could afford to buy new if I wanted...
Am I in love with all of the stuff we were given? No.
Was it thoughtful and kind? Yes.

We thanked everyone and in a couple of highly generous instances sent wine and toys for the donors children.
BECAUSE IT COMMON COURTESY AND MANNERS ARE FREE.

Take your clothes & bundle them and sell them on FB market place and buy yourself or your kids something nice.
Tell you Dad all your kids clothes/things are spoken for from now until infinity and don't give them a single thing ever again.

That's exactly what happened but thanks for bejng someone with common courtesy and manners, it seems we are a dying breed

That's the crucial bit which you missed out of your original OP ... the fact they asked for this stuff. Asked if you had anything you didn't need anymore

So on that basis, they're rude. Unless of course you gave them the stuff yesterday. If so, I'd be a little patient

But I detest bad manners so yanbu

@BornIn78

In reality the lad who works with your dad probably said thanks to your dad every time he gave him a bag of stuff, if you’ve been passing it on over a number of months.

And maybe they intend to send a thank you card once the baby is born, maybe with a photo of the baby in one of the outfits you gave them.

But seeing as you’re now calling them ignorant pigs, it’s probably best that you do your Lady Bountiful act only for the neo-natal unit in future where you can be can bask in the recognition and gratitude which is obviously so important to you and which you know for sure you’ll receive from them.

Think it's been long enough to send a thank you card. They are just plain ignorant. I just wish I had given it to people who would appreciate it

@StrawberryFever

How long ago did you give the items? What stage of the pregnancy is the woman at/how long ago was the baby born?

Did they not say thanks to whoever handed them the items and ask them to pass on their thanks?

Tbh whatever the answers to these questions you sound unreasonably angry about, what is, unless there's a back story of selfish/rude behaviour from this couple, probably nothing worse than an oversight from overwhelmed young parents (to be?)

I don't feel it is unreasonable, I think it's valid to feel they have been rude

You haven't answered whether they said thanks through your dad? Many people have asked, and you've ignored

Also, so many people don't do thank you cards ever. So you can't expect one of those

Thank you cards are really rare these days.
If it was a friend I'd expect a thank you text. But as a colleague of your dads I'd expect a message to be passed through him.

@Newnameforabit

Yes they should say thank you Did they pass a thank you on through your dad?

My dad said the last time he took stuff in the lad just said oh right, can you put it over there!

Uh huh

Itchy beard

You say that you gave this stuff over a couple of months.

When they didn't say thank you the first time, why did you keep giving more?

@Musmerian

You seem very indignant OP. I think you need to let it go. You seem to think they should be hugely grateful that you’ve showered your largesse on them. You also seem quite smug about your relative wealth. Maybe they didn’t really like all the stuff? It can be quite disempowering.

Not smug, I work hard to earn my wages which are what I would consider decent but I'm not wealthy by any means. I have just obviously overestimated how many people were raised to say thank you

@percythewitch

You say that you gave this stuff over a couple of months.

When they didn't say thank you the first time, why did you keep giving more?

I honestly thought they would at some point and we're just busy getting ready for the baby

@Ponoka7

Has the woman of the couple got your contact details?

Why does everything always fall to the woman? I

@tomwombsgans

Uh huh

Itchy beard

?

I gave my dc's outgrown clothes to my health visitor who passed it onto the local domestic refuge. Maybe look for something like that in the future or sell as bundles on ebay.

When I give my stuff away I am just happy I can pass it on. A thanks when I pass it over is enough. If they are passed on via a third party I am not bothered if I get a thanks, I assume they are grateful enough.

You won't get a thanks from a charity shop either. Lots of them don't even sell baby clothes.
Even baby banks are inundated because baby clothes are so cheap and are hardly worn.

This is not worth getting annoyed about. Just be happy that you have done a kind thing.

@thedefinitionofmadness

I can totally see a reverse of this thread

Some woman who is related to someone DP works with keeps foisting her old baby things on me. It was fine at first and I was grateful but it's not my taste and I don't want it. I never asked for it in the first place. How do I make it stop?

This.

I find the OP’s attitude questionable. Calling people “disgusting” and “pigs” for something like this? OTT. I don’t expect anything when I give, there is pleasure in the act of giving itself, I don’t need someone to grovel and express their gratitude for small acts. Perhaps they are proud and feel awkward accepting help, even though they know they need it.