No thank you, no more gifts

[SaturdaySummer]

I have given around 10/11 big bags for life FULL of John Lewis and Next clothes, toys, a play mat, a bath seat, an inflatable chair etc. To someone my dad works with. The lad is early 20s and on an apprentice wage and his gf is a student so they would struggle to get everything on such limited income. All the clothes were excellent condition, some with labels on still. I washed and ironed everything. These were things my son had outgrown and we are lucky to have been able to afford everything he needed so I didn't mind helping someone else out. My friend also gave them more items - about 4 bags for life with again, clothes with labels on etc. I didn't give these things expecting anything in return but the couple have not even sent a thank you card of text - they have literally had thousands of pounds worth of stuff. AIBU to give things to charity in future now instead of this couple as I really feel they have been incredibly rude and ungrateful to not even acknowledge what they have been given

@tomwombsgans

You haven't answered whether they said thanks through your dad? Many people have asked, and you've ignored

I have answered....

I couldn't get this worked up....

I'm sorry ? Did you just call them ignorant pigs?

How on earth did you think that was a remotely acceptable thing to say? That says absolutely everything about you.

I actually was reading thinking I can understand why you might feel a bit put out. Although I do generally think true altruism is about giving not for thanks but originally I guess I could understand your annoyance.

Ignorant pigs ? Your attitude is abhorrent. Truly abhorrent. I assure you most people with any indication of your attitude would not welcome anything from you. They are not there for you to be disgusting about because of a minor slight.

Good lord what an awful attitude.

You're not going to get thank yous from the people at refuges either so if you need recognition maybe post on Facebook about how much of a good person you are.

Does that £500 grant still exist for pregnant women on a low income to buy equipment?

What did AIBU mean?

I don’t know why people are piling in here, OP - I agree that it doesn’t even occur to some people to say thank you. (In any case, when people gave me stuff when I was pg, I didn’t always want it all but I always said thank you very gratefully and just passed on the stuff I didn’t want! It’s not hard to still have manners!)

I think some people honestly don’t bother with thank yous. I sent an expensive (and with gift receipt if they didn’t like it) to a cousin with a new baby; never got a thank you in any form. They definitely got it, just clearly didn’t bother to say thank you. I gave them the benefit of the doubt as they had a new baby; sent another present (nice book) for baby’s first Christmas - still no thanks or acknowledgement so I don’t bother with them now. How hard it it to just send a postcard or a text message just saying thanks, we really appreciated the gift. Just rude!

Whether too much was given or not , it was really kind of you and there is no excuse for lack of manners .

@tsmainsqueeze

Whether too much was given or not , it was really kind of you and there is no excuse for lack of manners .

Thank you. I have been raised to always send a card or phone someone regardless of what was received

Who physically handed them the bags? Surely they said thank you then

Its rude, You've given them hundreds of £££ and the least you would expect is a thank you.
And charity shops have always thanked me when I have made donations.
Good manners cost nothing, as my mum would say.

@foxgoosefinch

I don’t know why people are piling in here, OP - I agree that it doesn’t even occur to some people to say thank you. (In any case, when people gave me stuff when I was pg, I didn’t always want it all but I always said thank you very gratefully and just passed on the stuff I didn’t want! It’s not hard to still have manners!)

I think some people honestly don’t bother with thank yous. I sent an expensive (and with gift receipt if they didn’t like it) to a cousin with a new baby; never got a thank you in any form. They definitely got it, just clearly didn’t bother to say thank you. I gave them the benefit of the doubt as they had a new baby; sent another present (nice book) for baby’s first Christmas - still no thanks or acknowledgement so I don’t bother with them now. How hard it it to just send a postcard or a text message just saying thanks, we really appreciated the gift. Just rude!

Completely agree, even a phone call would have been nice

I wouldn't expect a card and they probably thought a thankyou to your dad was thanking you.
The last reaction of oh right might be an indication that they'd not expected any more things and might be feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.
Personally I probably would have cried down the phone to you in gratitude but everyone's different I suppose.

@EmpressSuiko

Who physically handed them the bags? Surely they said thank you then

Honestly the lad never said thanks to my dad who handed the stuff over

Expectation of thanks was your mistake here. They didn't ask you for anything. They don't know the value of the things you've passed on. For all they know you could have been passed them.

Don't give things away again, because you clearly expect too much recognition for your generosity.

You say you've spread everything out so they won't have been overwhelmed by sorting through the things you've given them, but it's hardly going to be the only thing they're dealing with during a pregnancy.

Do you know how easy/difficult a pregnancy it's been? Preparing for a new baby IS overwhelming. And frankly you have given them a lot of stuff, which, even if they asked for things, may be more than they were expecting or can immediately deal with. Maybe they asked a number of people expecting a few bits from each and have been completely overwhelmed with piles of stuff.

How do you know they aren't planning to send out thank you cards once the baby is born with a picture? Maybe you're on the list they're intending to send cards to.

Etiquette suggests a newly married couple have three months after a wedding to send thank you cards. Logic would suggest you've should to allow more than that for baby gift thanks given the pressures of pregnancy, preparation for a new baby and then learning how to care for a new baby/recovering from birth.

It would have been nice for them to say thank you. But the stuff has still gone to a baby who needed it, so it doesn’t really matter.

Also, I found everyone wanted to give me all their stuff that was ‘in great condition’. It often wasn’t. I think people don’t see their own things as quite worn for some reason. I felt like they’d just dumped their crap on me so after a while I just told everyone we had everything. Maybe you’re seeing the stuff as much better than it is, or there’s some good stuff but a lot of crap.

Either way, it’s done, forget about it.

I'm glad to get rid of the stuff. I've had thank yous and I've had nothing. I've had the odd bag of sweets for my dcs to say thanks. People are different. Maybe they feel embarrassed?
I think your attitude is appalling. And therefore yabu

@Sh05

I wouldn't expect a card and they probably thought a thankyou to your dad was thanking you. The last reaction of oh right might be an indication that they'd not expected any more things and might be feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. Personally I probably would have cried down the phone to you in gratitude but everyone's different I suppose.

Honestly I can see that from the comments very different ideas of what is rude

Personally when pregnant I would have found this very overwhelming. Someone I know kept giving me things, some of it was brand new, they gave me so much stuff they lost track and gave me more of the same stuff.

Of course it's a great way to save money but honestly it became a burden for me. Not always to my taste, not to mention where the hell to store it all.

Someone we barely knew gave our child £50 after the birth. Extremely generous of course, but my FIL barked at me about sending a thank you card. I was about 3 days post-birth and could barely remember my own name, let alone write and post a bloody card.

I don't think you've gone into this with the right intentions. They're not obliged to respond to you in a particular way.

@MarmitesMyMate

I'm glad to get rid of the stuff. I've had thank yous and I've had nothing. I've had the odd bag of sweets for my dcs to say thanks. People are different. Maybe they feel embarrassed? I think your attitude is appalling. And therefore yabu

Each to their own. I think their attitude is ridiculous

@thedefinitionofmadness

I can totally see a reverse of this thread

Some woman who is related to someone DP works with keeps foisting her old baby things on me. It was fine at first and I was grateful but it's not my taste and I don't want it. I never asked for it in the first place. How do I make it stop?

Totally agree

There is a very big whiff of "For I Am Lady Bountiful And The Peasants Simply Aren't Forelock Tugging Enough These Days" about this

'Ignorant pigs'

Wow, great humanitarian, you are

@Nikkic2123
AIBU = Am I Being Unreasonable?

Welcome to the snake pit 🤣

I find the OP’s attitude questionable. Calling people “disgusting” and “pigs” for something like this? OTT

I agree. Total overreaction!

Lesson learned OP. Tell people in advance what you expect of them in return for clothes that are no longer of use to you.

Or just let it go.

I don't believe you when you said the boy said to you dad 'oh right, put them over there'

Not a 'cheers for that more stuff we have nowhere to put

One or 2 bags, I'm sure they thanked your dad, but by bag 10 plus the 4 off your friend, they were probably overwhelmed and frankly bored of it all.