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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants to "share" my driveway. I... don't

347 replies

TheUnexpectedPickle · 25/11/2021 08:04

Parking one, buckle up.
I live in a 3 storey Victorian townhouse, my flat is at the bottom, and above me is a 2 story house owned by Snooty Neighbour. I rent, if that's relevant.

The driveway belongs to my flat and the steps up to SNs front door are about halfway up my drive.

Its a double drive and Paul-Next-Door, who owns all 3 storeys of his house, has the other half of the drive.

I bumped in to SN last week and she commented that she is struggling to find parking on the street now that I've moved in. The flat was empty for a while and she was parking on the drive. She then said she's noticed that I'm out for long stretches of time so possibly she could use my drive when I'm out. I pointed out that she wouldn't know when I'm going to be back, so she wouldn't know when to move her car. She then suggested that in that case I park on the street!

So it appears she is imaging some sort of first come first serve arrangement. It took me off guard a bit so I said I'd think about it. Obviously, I thought "no fucking chance"

Last night she caught me coming home and asked if I'd had the chance to think about it. I politely declined and explained that I don't really want to be searching for parking after a 12 hour shift so it doesn't work for me. She then suggested I message her my rota so she knows when she can use the drive, to make it "fair" and then let her know when I'm going to other places and when I'll be back.

Wtf!? I don't want to have to tell a random woman when I'm going to be home! I'm 35 years old, I don't even tell my mother that!

I probably didn't help the situation as I laughed when I said no to that. She then got huffy and started going on about me letting other cars park on the drive. Other cars being my DP, who I then park in front of and block in and Paul Next Door when he had a skip on his drive and asked me very nicely if he could park there for about 2 hours while he had a tyre changed. Neither of these things caused me any inconvenience.

The conversation ended up with her slinking off muttering about me being "unfair"

Bonkers.

I know I'm not being unreasonable really but her whole expectation that this was a great idea has me questioning myself just a tiny bit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 27/11/2021 01:37

Presumably, part of your rent is for said drive. Tell her that you pay monthly for the privilege of parking there, and consider it unfair of her to want to park there for free. Or just ignore her. And have her car towed, if that is allowed in the UK. It certainly would be, if she parked on a private drive here.

Nsky · 27/11/2021 02:28

Just tell it’s your drive way, end of

Ddot · 27/11/2021 06:56

I bought a flat it came with front garden, downstairs flat came with back garden. She chose which flat to rent and obviously chose wrong (shame)

ivykaty44 · 27/11/2021 07:11

Tell her

I rent the flat and drive

Let me check with the landlord if I’m able to sublet the drive and if I can, then we can fix a price - I’m thinking a £100 per month

If she comes back with £100 is to much

Well that is 20% if the square footage of the flat and only 10% if the total rent so it’s more than a fair price

BrainPotter · 27/11/2021 07:48

Omg this bring back memories shudder
Used to rent in Bristol and we had the car space…one of the reasons we chose the dark, damp basement flat over some of the more affordable options.
Anyhoo, everyone and his uncle thought they could use our drive when they wanted to, park over the drive on the road blocking us in. This was a daily occurrence and eventually I was a cranky nervous wreck poking my nose out the window every 5 minutes to see what CF had parked us in/used our drive 😂
Keep saying no!!!!!! Grrrr the cheek!!!

Ddot · 27/11/2021 08:01

£100 a month for parking on your drive, no no no. Half your rent maybe! Say £800 a month that should put her off but in my humble opinion I'd say nope its alllllllll mine. She will take over the drive if you say yes even once

SinoohXaenaHide · 27/11/2021 09:02

Everyone suggesting different pricing points for OP to sublet the parking space have totally missed the point that dedicated off street parking was OPs #1 priority in finding a place to rent. There is no amount of money that's appropriate to charge the neighbour to give up that need, as without a dedicated space OP would need to find a new flat to move to that had parking. I reckon neighbour should try her charms on Paul Next Door. He also has a space after all and he is no more or less entitled to use it than OP so if neighbour thinks it's unfair for OP not to share her space the same logic must apply to Paul's space too.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/11/2021 09:12

It's a bit pointless even putting a notional value on 'how much you would accept for her using the drive' as the fact is that a property with a drive was what OP required and so that's what OP got.

We had a rather strange man come around to ours last year who knocked on the door, asking if we were selling the caravan on our drive. I said no, we weren't. He then proceeded to 'inform' me that even old caravans could be worth something (well, yes - that's why we paid money to buy it). There then followed several ridiculous questions like a surprised "Why don't you want to sell it?", "IF you were wanting to sell it, how much would you want for it?" and then, the absolute gem "Had you thought about how much you would want for it IF you were wanting to sell it?"

There are several caravan dealers in the area, as well as people actually advertising their caravans for sale - why he was so set on an unremarkable 25yo one that he'd been repeatedly told was not for sale, I've no idea.

It's like somebody stopping me outside Tesco, desperate to strike a deal to buy the trolley-load of food I've just bought (because, erm, we need it) from me, completely ignoring the massive shop right behind us full of food that is still very much for sale.

I think a lot of people were just never told 'No' as children and they see something they fancy and think that saying the right combination of words will get it for them at little or no cost. Them wanting it is justification enough why they should have it.

TalkToTheHand123 · 27/11/2021 10:17

Why was she cleaning out your car?

custardbear · 27/11/2021 11:20

Any update @TheUnexpectedPickle

RockallMalinHebrides · 27/11/2021 11:26

@TalkToTheHand123

Why was she cleaning out your car?
She wasn't.
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/11/2021 13:15

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

It's a bit pointless even putting a notional value on 'how much you would accept for her using the drive' as the fact is that a property with a drive was what OP required and so that's what OP got.

We had a rather strange man come around to ours last year who knocked on the door, asking if we were selling the caravan on our drive. I said no, we weren't. He then proceeded to 'inform' me that even old caravans could be worth something (well, yes - that's why we paid money to buy it). There then followed several ridiculous questions like a surprised "Why don't you want to sell it?", "IF you were wanting to sell it, how much would you want for it?" and then, the absolute gem "Had you thought about how much you would want for it IF you were wanting to sell it?"

There are several caravan dealers in the area, as well as people actually advertising their caravans for sale - why he was so set on an unremarkable 25yo one that he'd been repeatedly told was not for sale, I've no idea.

It's like somebody stopping me outside Tesco, desperate to strike a deal to buy the trolley-load of food I've just bought (because, erm, we need it) from me, completely ignoring the massive shop right behind us full of food that is still very much for sale.

I think a lot of people were just never told 'No' as children and they see something they fancy and think that saying the right combination of words will get it for them at little or no cost. Them wanting it is justification enough why they should have it.

Maybe he was a very successful bank robber, and his ill-gotten gains are hidden somewhere in that caravan, but it got sold by accident, while he was banged up, @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.
Mirw · 27/11/2021 14:55

Put a London charge on the space and let her decide whether or not she wants to pay the exorbitant fee. If she does, get it in writing with at least one witness and take the money. If not, you offered...

AdobeWanKenobi · 27/11/2021 15:41

@ivykaty44

Tell her

I rent the flat and drive

Let me check with the landlord if I’m able to sublet the drive and if I can, then we can fix a price - I’m thinking a £100 per month

If she comes back with £100 is to much

Well that is 20% if the square footage of the flat and only 10% if the total rent so it’s more than a fair price

Or just:

"No"

user1471447863 · 27/11/2021 16:13

No is the simplest answer. All these price x, y, z per month is just being stupid. OP wants unfettered use of the driveway that is included with the flat she chose to rent (possibly because it included off street parking so she wouldn't have to fanny about trying to find a place to park every time she comes home , like CF neighbour is).

The answer is no and no further discussions will be entered into. If you need off street parking buy a flat/hose with that.

TalkToTheHand123 · 27/11/2021 20:43

"she asked me to clean out her car when she was doing mine-"

RockallMalinHebrides · 27/11/2021 21:52

@TalkToTheHand123

"she asked me to clean out her car when she was doing mine-"
That was a typo and quite obvious as the statement doesn’t make sense - the second “she” should be an “I”.
ivykaty44 · 27/11/2021 22:03

AdobeWanKenobi

tell her no and your likely find her parked on your drive, tell her there is a charge sand shell not do it - cf don't take notice of no, but if they think they'll get charged they'll avoid

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/11/2021 23:17

Maybe he was a very successful bank robber, and his ill-gotten gains are hidden somewhere in that caravan, but it got sold by accident, while he was banged up, @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.

I feel so foolish now - how could I not have realised that, so obvious?!?! Grin

AdobeWanKenobi · 27/11/2021 23:21

@ivykaty44

AdobeWanKenobi

tell her no and your likely find her parked on your drive, tell her there is a charge sand shell not do it - cf don't take notice of no, but if they think they'll get charged they'll avoid

There is no ambiguity in the word no.
landing223 · 27/11/2021 23:24

You may not actually have permission to let anyone else use that driveway you rent the flat and the driveway from your Landlord so I would think you would be heading into complications if you let anyone else use the drive

RAFHercules · 27/11/2021 23:37

"I've thought about this and decided that I really need 24hour access to the drive that I pay for. I'm sorry for not being more upfront with you when you asked the first time but I won't be changing my mind and I'd be grateful if you dont ask me again".

MinnieGirl · 28/11/2021 10:53

If she asks again, and she will….
Just say no.
It’s your drive and you pay for it. End of conversation. And if she does park on it, make her move the car. Even if it’s late at night. Refuse to park on the street. It’s your drive and she is trespassing.
Such a CF..

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/11/2021 13:09

@ElftonWednesday

If they wanted to share your driveway and you were happy to to it, it would have to be done through your landlord/respective landlords anyway, and you'd expect some financial recompense for your inconvenience.

But you don't want to share at all, which is a perfectly good response, and she will just have to live with that or rent/move somewhere else and pay for a parking space as you have.

As above.

DON'T be tempted to come to some informal arrangement with her. For one thing, it is sub-letting and if (when!) your landlord found out there would be trouble and you may even be given notice.

Secondly, do you really think she'd stick to whatever hours the two of you agreed? Because she wouldn't.

And thirdly because it could be an insurance nightmare if there was damage to the drive or either/both cars.

Honestly - it isn't worth it. Just stick to an unambiguous "No. It wouldn't work for me." and then you both know where you are. (You revelling in a neighbour-free driveway and her under a cloud of simmering resentment.)

Nospringchook · 28/11/2021 18:32

Absolutely NOT. Allowing her access has potential future legal ramifications for your landlord. As a tenant, you simply refer her to your landlord and do nothing further.