Neighbour wants to "share" my driveway. I... don't

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Parking one, buckle up.
I live in a 3 storey Victorian townhouse, my flat is at the bottom, and above me is a 2 story house owned by Snooty Neighbour. I rent, if that's relevant.

The driveway belongs to my flat and the steps up to SNs front door are about halfway up my drive.

Its a double drive and Paul-Next-Door, who owns all 3 storeys of his house, has the other half of the drive.

I bumped in to SN last week and she commented that she is struggling to find parking on the street now that I've moved in. The flat was empty for a while and she was parking on the drive. She then said she's noticed that I'm out for long stretches of time so possibly she could use my drive when I'm out. I pointed out that she wouldn't know when I'm going to be back, so she wouldn't know when to move her car. She then suggested that in that case I park on the street!

So it appears she is imaging some sort of first come first serve arrangement. It took me off guard a bit so I said I'd think about it. Obviously, I thought "no fucking chance"

Last night she caught me coming home and asked if I'd had the chance to think about it. I politely declined and explained that I don't really want to be searching for parking after a 12 hour shift so it doesn't work for me. She then suggested I message her my rota so she knows when she can use the drive, to make it "fair" and then let her know when I'm going to other places and when I'll be back.

Wtf!? I don't want to have to tell a random woman when I'm going to be home! I'm 35 years old, I don't even tell my mother that!

I probably didn't help the situation as I laughed when I said no to that. She then got huffy and started going on about me letting other cars park on the drive. Other cars being my DP, who I then park in front of and block in and Paul Next Door when he had a skip on his drive and asked me very nicely if he could park there for about 2 hours while he had a tyre changed. Neither of these things caused me any inconvenience.

The conversation ended up with her slinking off muttering about me being "unfair"

Bonkers.

I know I'm not being unreasonable really but her whole expectation that this was a great idea has me questioning myself just a tiny bit.

AIBU?

Laughing was definitely the correct response, because that was a ridiculous request.

Nipping it in the bud was 100% the correct thing to do because if you'd given an inch, she'd have taken a mile.

Don't give it any more thought, unless she's cheeky enough to actually start parking on your drive, then you'll have to be incredibly firm. But hopefully she's got the message.

Oh it's that woman!!
Absolutely batshit crazy.

No way is she to park on your drive ever - it will just be a never-ending saga.

You need to reply like this if she asks again

"I said no and I meant no. This is not open to negotigation. I do not have to share or work out a rota to 'be fair' to you because this is where I live and this is what I have a full right to. Including the right to have an empty space if and when I want. I am not obliged to make your life easier, especially when it is an inconvience for me to do so. You are being extremely rude in repeatedly harassing me and expecting me to be nice to you because this arrangement suits you better. It does not suit me. There is nothing beneficial in this arrangement to me. Your problem in parking is not for me to resolve. I decided to live here and pay for the privilege of having 24/7 parking available. You have moved here on the understanding you don't have that. You are not my responsibility."

Why not just explain clearly that you pay extra for sole use of the car space and you specifically chose your home because of the car space and that if she wants a car space she should pay for one, not expect you to subsidise her.

Yes, @TheUnexpectedPickle, it is completely and utterly unfair for you to refuse to share the drive that YOU pay rent for.

Seriously - what planet is SN on??

You could offer your space when it suited you on one of those 'park on my drive' type apps (if your landlord agreed). CF neighbour could then check your schedule accordingly and pay to park!

Great point, actually. OP has paid extra for a house with a (permanent) drive, so if she is willing to allow it to be used by people not associated with her when she isn't using it, why wouldn't she do it officially, with pre-agreed times and terms, and get paid handsomely for it?

If she's already been monitoring when your DP is there - by seeing when you 'kindly allow' him to park on your property - I wouldn't put it past her to ask if she can borrow him when you're at work

LOL she doesn't want to 'share' the drive, she wants to have the drive. If she is always home when you're not, you'll never be able to park on it.

@RedToothBrush

Why such a wordy long reply suggested for OP to NDN? ... when a short one suggested earlier is far more effective..

Tell her you don't need to be fair. It's your drive.

At least OP has been confident enough to say No.

I guess
Op can report to her landlord if neighbour keeps asking her, as LL won't want their business (flat + parking space) infringed upon. As they may take any infringements up on their own behalf

(Hey, if it doesn't stop neighbour, LL might even agree to fit a lockable penguin parking bollard or two 🤣🐧 around OP's part of the drive!!)

[quote dontwannasaymyjob]@RedToothBrush

Why such a wordy long reply suggested for OP to NDN? ... when a short one suggested earlier is far more effective..

Tell her you don't need to be fair. It's your drive.

At least OP has been confident enough to say No.

I guess
Op can report to her landlord if neighbour keeps asking her, as LL won't want their business (flat + parking space) infringed upon. As they may take any infringements up on their own behalf

(Hey, if it doesn't stop neighbour, LL might even agree to fit a lockable penguin parking bollard or two 🤣🐧 around OP's part of the drive!!) [/quote]
Indeed. The long wordy replies here will be totally lost on someone who's most likely only half listening and has already shown you in the past who she is.
No need to complicate it, "no" is enough.

YANBU at all.

I had a thread on here a while ago when our neighbour cornered my husband and asked if he could use our driveway as his wasn’t big enough for the ridiculous car he was planning on buying! DH was totally blindsided and said he’d think about it. I was like no, tell him unequivocally no before he buys a stupid big car and expects to park it on our driveway!

She can park there if she's going to pay some of your rent... keep saying no

@Fomofo

Yanbu, but could you just become friends and then maybe sometimes she could use it and the situation wouldn't be so toxic, its sad that parking causes so much orobkems

Life is full of orobkems, though.

@JaniieJones

'IT IS THE OP'S PRIVATE DRIVE'

Oh unclench fgs.

Are you a communist, by any chance?

She can park there, you decide how much to charge her! She’s mad.

Well done OP - the answer is 'no'.

(How would she feel about the fairness of you asking her to leave you her keys when she's out so that you can use her bath - or store your food in her freezer etc.)

This is how my neighbour using my parking space works here (we all have two spaces, sometimes at weekends their household has 3 cars, we usually have two cars, but for a few months we just had one so one of our spaces was empty):

Neighbour: I've noticed you have just one car at the moment so you're not using both your spaces, would there be any chance we could park one of our cars there at the weekends if you're not having visitors?

Me: Yes of course no problem

Neighbour: Brilliant thank you so much just let me know as soon as you are having anyone over or need us to move it for any reason, we won't use it unless we really need to, we don't want to be a pain

Not weird demands to use the space, a request for our working schedule, and a suggestion we could park on the road to make it more convenient for them!!

No, no and then no! Don't go there and I am staggered by the sense of entitlement some people have to things that are not theirs!

If her version of unfair is not being able to park on someone else's drive she hasn't had much unfairness in her life at all.

I'm renting an apartment without a drive and its an absolute bugger parking on the street. But that doesn't mean I can park on someone else's drive. You pay extra rent I'm sure to have this convenience.

She does not park on your drive ever. I cannot believe the entitlement of some people.

Shagmeriggins, tell me about it! My slopping texting skills being one of them!

Without doubt,get legal advice in writing,no one can argue then.

I understand that the off-road parking was a must-have when you chose the flat (why didn't SN do the same when buying, I wonder?) but I would be inclined to offer her the use of the driveway for a sum slightly over your monthly rent - perhaps rounded up to the nearest £0.5k?

It would be sub-letting, of course, so might not be legal, but it would be fun to see her response and it would probably put a complete stop to her pestering!

If by some miracle she agreed, you could always clear it with the landlord and get legal advice.

Imagine the savings you could amass... But the inconvenience would be a daily headache. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@IncompleteSenten

Tell her you don't need to be fair. It's your drive.

This is all you need. Nothing further needs adding 💐

@mogsrus

Without doubt,get legal advice in writing,no one can argue then.

Have I missed something obvious - why is there now a need for legal advice, @mogsrus?

Surely "no" just about covers it?

@MintyGreenDream

We have a legally owned shared drive and the poor young lad next door has parked on the street ever since i passed my test 6 months ago we were both sick of the messaging of can I get my car out pls ? And I think he's admitted defeat tbh. To have that nightmare when the drive isn't anything to do with SN is batshit,can't fault you.

That’s unfair

He was using the drive before you

Fair way would be to use each for a week and that week the other park on the road

Op she’s def being cheeky. It’s yours. You pay for it. Renting with parking