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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants to "share" my driveway. I... don't

347 replies

TheUnexpectedPickle · 25/11/2021 08:04

Parking one, buckle up.
I live in a 3 storey Victorian townhouse, my flat is at the bottom, and above me is a 2 story house owned by Snooty Neighbour. I rent, if that's relevant.

The driveway belongs to my flat and the steps up to SNs front door are about halfway up my drive.

Its a double drive and Paul-Next-Door, who owns all 3 storeys of his house, has the other half of the drive.

I bumped in to SN last week and she commented that she is struggling to find parking on the street now that I've moved in. The flat was empty for a while and she was parking on the drive. She then said she's noticed that I'm out for long stretches of time so possibly she could use my drive when I'm out. I pointed out that she wouldn't know when I'm going to be back, so she wouldn't know when to move her car. She then suggested that in that case I park on the street!

So it appears she is imaging some sort of first come first serve arrangement. It took me off guard a bit so I said I'd think about it. Obviously, I thought "no fucking chance"

Last night she caught me coming home and asked if I'd had the chance to think about it. I politely declined and explained that I don't really want to be searching for parking after a 12 hour shift so it doesn't work for me. She then suggested I message her my rota so she knows when she can use the drive, to make it "fair" and then let her know when I'm going to other places and when I'll be back.

Wtf!? I don't want to have to tell a random woman when I'm going to be home! I'm 35 years old, I don't even tell my mother that!

I probably didn't help the situation as I laughed when I said no to that. She then got huffy and started going on about me letting other cars park on the drive. Other cars being my DP, who I then park in front of and block in and Paul Next Door when he had a skip on his drive and asked me very nicely if he could park there for about 2 hours while he had a tyre changed. Neither of these things caused me any inconvenience.

The conversation ended up with her slinking off muttering about me being "unfair"

Bonkers.

I know I'm not being unreasonable really but her whole expectation that this was a great idea has me questioning myself just a tiny bit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MumOfScience · 26/11/2021 17:41

@WimpoleHat

No! You’re not. She’s totally unreasonable to ask. Our neighbours can be like this. It’s awkward- we’re conditioned to be “nice”. But they aren’t embarrassed about being pushy, so why should we be embarrassed about saying “no!”?
Can you be my life coach please? “They aren’t embarrassed being pushy, so why should I be embarrassed saying no” is my new mantra… Smile
Angie1403 · 26/11/2021 17:42

She’s a CF & you’ve no need to question yourself. We have an eccentric neighbour so I can empathise with your moment of questioning your own sanity! I think it’s because they look so serious when they are saying these odd things that your brain automatically wants to accept the words as being a realistically strung together sentence!

Bartonzam · 26/11/2021 17:43

yanbu she is entitled and an arrogant mare by the sound of it. You should not have to justify yourself to her nor anyone else. I would have have asked her which bit of 'no sorry not possible love' she didn't understand if I was you?.

Mandyjack · 26/11/2021 17:43

She bought the flat knowing it had no parking. If she's asked you has she also asked the guy next door who you share the drive with? No way would I want to tell someone my movements and also have to look for a space when I have one. You'll have to be blunt with her and so sorry but it's a firm no.

Ozanj · 26/11/2021 17:47

The problem is you were too polite. You need a curt no and I’m not discussing this with you again to kill this conversation dead.

EarthSight · 26/11/2021 17:48

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

LOL she doesn't want to 'share' the drive, she wants to have the drive. If she is always home when you're not, you'll never be able to park on it.

Oh, yes, you can tell exactly how this would play out if she were given an inch. She's on the drive, OP gets home and says she needs to use her drive and she'll look most offended and quite put out. "Oh, but there's a space out there on the road, why don't you just park there? Are you really expecting me to get my shoes and coat on, come out, start up my car and move it to that space when you're already next to it? How petty is that? Plus, what if somebody else grabs that space whilst we're doing our ridiculous car tango - and then YOU won't have any space at all."

And if there isn't a free space just outside, it'll be "Oh, there are usually a few just a few minutes up the road."

CF neighbour has a problem and she is determined to solve it by making it into OP's problem. She's like the people who sneakily try to sell broken items at the full price - but she wouldn't even be bothering to hide the fact that it's broken. She'd just be saying "I want a working one, so if you buy the broken one off me for the price of a new one, we're all grand!"

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

This is spot on. The neighbour's suggestions speaks volumes. She's pushy, entitled, self-centred and has behaved like a spoilt child to an entirely reasonable rejection to use someone else's property that they pay for. Even if she offered to pay for it (not allowed here I'm sure because it's a rental), I would never want someone like this to pay me. For more hassle than it's worth and they'd become even bolder.

gogohm · 26/11/2021 17:49

Of course you are not being unreasonable but I would have softened the approach by saying of course you can unload as long as you then park it straight away

NippySweetie16 · 26/11/2021 17:50

Ha! I remember the one about the car cleaning - she does indeed have form and you are absolutely right to keep slapping her down!

Maggiejardine · 26/11/2021 17:51

I presume your rent includes parking on the driveway so the facility goes with your flat not hers. She is not paying for it and no doubt parked there for nothing before you moved in, so she can count herself lucky to have used it rent free for that time. Her luck has now run out

Dasher789 · 26/11/2021 17:51

100% CF. I really wonder what goes through some peoples heads!!

Whywonttheyhelpme · 26/11/2021 17:52

Don’t doubt yourself! She is clearly an entitled CF. If you give an inch she will take a mile.

Flowerpower23 · 26/11/2021 17:52

Grin hahaha!!!

Insanelysilver · 26/11/2021 17:53

How can someone just expect to park on someone else’s drive because you want to. Talk about being self entitled!

EarthSight · 26/11/2021 17:54

Also - I loved the fact you laughed. That was deficiently the right response for someone like this. She was lucky she didn't get an even more blunt response.

LoisLane66 · 26/11/2021 17:55

There are two answers and she must expect it to be one of those. Unfortunately, she cannot get to choose which answer you give.

Minikty · 26/11/2021 17:59

show your neighbour your driveway agreement but don't give it to her. Cheeky cow, she has to park on the street. And I suggest you get CCTV cameras so you can see if she uses your space when your out. Also make sure you put a CCTV sticker in your window it's the law if you have camera's. She is bullying you, keep saying no and if you can put your phone on record and tape her but obviously don't tell her your doing this. Good luck.

fussyhousewife · 26/11/2021 18:07

Parking always causes an issue. So far as I can tell as a tenant you are paying rent for your property and driveway. I doubt your landlord would be thrilled by her idea of an "arrangement". Possession is 9 tenths of the law and once she has used the driveway for a long time she could well try to claim ownership. Hopefully she will not pursue her request.

Gilly12345 · 26/11/2021 18:07

I love it that you laughed at her cheeky suggestion.

She is really trying it on and good for you in standing firm.

Power to the people ✌️

bergam · 26/11/2021 18:13

Get her to ask Paul for use of his drive. Tinkly laugh whilst saying it.

Hertsgirl10 · 26/11/2021 18:16

Does she wanna share the rent tooooo? 😂

Nanny0gg · 26/11/2021 18:17

@JaniieJones

God, who cba with parking rows with neighbours. Life is too short, seriously.

If you or visitors are using it fine, if not and at work for 12 hrs what difference does it make to let her use is occasionally.

I'd much rather get on with people.

Do you have a garden? Please may I come and sit in it when you're at work/out?

Thanks awfully

StressedOutMumBex · 26/11/2021 18:31

You are not the unreasonable one here, its her. You rented the flat with a parking space, if she wanted a driveway she should have rented / bought house that had one, that's her issue. You are being totally 'fair' you are not obliged to share it with her or anyone else and its none of her business who you ALLOW to park on the space you rent and pay for. I would absolutely let the landlord know that you are effectively being harassed by the woman in the house about sharing your driveway. This is her parking problem and she shouldn't be trying to make it yours.
I would put a polite note in the door advising her that you spoke to the landlord and that you are under no obligation to allow anyone else to use your driveway and you don't need or want the inconvenience of having to think about somebody else's parking problem. I'd also tell her that as far as you and the your landlord is concerned, the matter is not up for any further discussion.
I think its outrageous for her to imply that its 'unfair' that your wont allow her to use the parking space that you rent and pay for. She needs to get over herself.

FetchezLaVache · 26/11/2021 18:42

"I'm sorry if I misled you by saying I'd think about it, to be honest you caught me off guard because I didn't realise you were being serious! Of course you can't park on my drive, Brenda."

changeyourname11111 · 26/11/2021 18:42

OP you are definitely not being unreasonable - I had a similar (but not completely) situation recently and also said no - here’s my thread Grin.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4394184-Neighbour-and-neighbour-s-friend-parking-on-my-driveway-without-asking

sussexlady · 26/11/2021 18:42

OP probably chose this flat because it had parking and it probably does cost a bit more for that and because it is difficult to park on the road in her area. Doing 12 hour shifts plus travel is a long day and I wouldn't want to add the hassle of trying to find parking every time I came home and why should you

Keep saying no but if you find yourself faltering and feeling pressured perhaps you could say that you asked your Letting Agent to ask your Landlord if this would be possible and the answer was a definite no and not open for discussion. Then it is not you saying no, it is completely our of your hands, it is not your decision to make and there is absolutely nothing you can do it. You shouldn't have to do this but if it works it works and then she will have no reason to have to speak to you everytime she sees you. Yes she is a CF