Complain to School or Not

[DgfaMummy]

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

My issue is the talking about it to my 9 year old. Address it with me directly, not talk to my child about it. That's my issue. There are processes at the school and talking behind my back to my child isn't one of them I'm sure.

I find it rich you are focusing on this as the issue. CF’ery at its finest really. You are late, and very late, on average roughly once a week. Who cares how apologetic you are, it keeps happening. How about you focus on this and fixing it - it’s your job to organise reliable after school care. You will find this immediately fixes the other issue you are choosing to make the main one, so problem will be automatically solved.

This is all on you. Your fix will enact the solution of what you are angsty about.

This used to really annoy me when I was a teacher—- not so much a parent being late but other staff discussing it in front of the child or making comments to the child. The issue is with the parent and it’s up to the school Head, head of dept, , however the school is organised to speak to the parent. Definitely have a word with your child’s teacher or the head as staff are acting unprofessionally.
Can you arrange with another parent to take your child home and you collect there?

Accepting full blame for being that late that often is simply not good enough. Your apologises mean nothing if you continue to do it other and over again.

What are you actually doing about it to make sure if doesnt happen again?

This isn’t 5 mins you are 40 mins late?
I’m surprised school haven’t spoken to you about it and not surprised the staff are annoyed most support staff finish when the kids do and perhaps have their own kids to pick up or an appointment and you being late causes them issues they can’t just leave your kid. Not to mention how unsettling it must be for your son to be left for 40 mins after school.

My 2 would be really upset if I was late, youngest is 10 but sen so would very much struggle with that. You need to put things in place where by you are early or on time or have after school care in place. It’s hard I have 4 kids and it’s a juggling act trying to work and be a mum. Your ex is a bit pathetic as this is the well-being of his kids but he’s scoring points with you instead. Hope you get it sorted op, nothing worse than rushing either so it’ll do you good not to be late for him as it’s very stressful

I’m assuming this is a wind up ..

Why wait for the school to address your lateness? Why can't you address it yourself? People who live in glass houses and all that...

Two issues here - staff moaning about you in front of your child and you using the staff as free childcare around once a week. I wouldn’t dream of raising the issue of the staff moaning before I’d made alternate arrangements for my child to be collected on time.

I agree that by telling you what the staff have said, your son is trying to tell you that he hates you being so late, it’s embarrassing for him, and will you please stop doing it.

When you email the school, apologise profusely, and maybe tell them how you plan to avoid this ever happening again in future.

Maybe your child is upset by you being late rather than the staff saying stuff to make him feel better?

If you're regularly late, you need to arrange appropriate childcare. You're lucky the school haven't called the police and social services, which is what is done round my way.

You sound ike a nightmare, and an entitled one at that.

While the school staff are acting unprofessionally, so are you. They are frustrated and you are stopping them leaving/carrying on working because of your negligence.

Your poor DS. Its all about how it affects you, not how it might be affecting him. I bet he is so embarrased and sits there during the day wondering if you are going to be there to collect him or not. Maybe sort out your issues and focus on them rather than the reactions of annoyed teachers.

@nimbuscloud

I’m assuming this is a wind up ..

I think you could be right.

Our school policy is that children of late parents are taken to the after school club and billed accordingly. In reality it would take about 15 minutes to get to this stage.

7 times of major lateness means you need to organise childcare as it's now a frequent hazard of your journey/ circumstances. It's not extentuating circumstances.

In 6+ years of DS1 at school, there was one time when I was 10 mins late because DH had to go to the airport via a site visit and I was trying to intercept him at a couple of the local services to unite him with his passport along his journey. The other, I was making arrangements with another parent to pick up at 1:30 because I was jammed on a closed motorway one junction up from home and it was clear I was not going to be home within the next 2 hours. The one hour round trip started at 11:30am took over 5 hours because a murdering scumbag murdered his wife then finished himself off on the motorway and ended up grinding the region into gridlock. From school's point of view, DS was picked up on time.

Generally parents will do each other favours of picking each other's children up if there is an issue, but you need to be willing to requite the favour especially if it's regular.

The staff should put your DS in after school club and charge you.

You need to sort out childcare. You are being very selfish, staff probably aren’t getting paid. Stopping them from going home to see their own families or able to get on with work. It’s called neglect.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

I would bet my last penny that your son is upset because you're continually late, not because anyone has been talking badly about you.

When parents are constantly late or don't do things they say they're going to do, it causes huge upset for young children. If you know you can't get out of work on time then you need to pay for childcare, not just accept you'll be late and leave your poor child wondering where his mum is and why all his friends' parents turn up after school but you never do.

OP. Have you any idea how it feels to be the child left behind?

Stop making this all about how you feel.
Think about it from your poor son’s perspective.

It’s a fucking horrible feeling for a child to feel briefly abandoned and for it to happen regularly really isn’t good enough. You and your partner need to sort out someone else to collect him on time.

Out of all of this the thing that pisses you off most is that they talk about you to your son?, given your part in this at least let that go

I don't finish work in time two days a week.... So I organised childcare. Two mornings my friend takes my child to school, two afternoons my child goes to after school club. A one off 30 min late pick up is bad and I would be so apologetic but regularly is awful. What if the hall aides are now late to pick up their own kids as a result of you? What if they have other carer duties. What if they had plans. Maybe they had other work to do. I cannot believe you are serious. I don't have any family support at all but we've worked around it but it's taken years.

The constant lateness is awful and it will be doing something to your kids sense of security - will this be the day mum doesn’t turn up (because it’s inevitable there will be a day this week where that will happen) - he will be becoming an anxious kid. Sort it out.

But it’s inexcusable that the aides are making those types of comments. If anything they should recognise what this situation is potentially doing to his sense of security and self esteem and trying to comfort and reassure him, whilst escalating this to the headteacher to deal with urgently.

You're lucky they haven't been asking Education Welfare workers to come and pick your child up. That's what happens in our LA to children whose parents are often very late to pick them up. Complain to the school if you want but it's really unfair on your poor child to be so late so often. You need to employ a childminder or an after school club.

as I stated in my OP, I accept full responsibility for being late. I'm not excusing it and am apologetic for it. I understand they want to go home and are rightly pissed. I understand that. I really do and I feel horrible about making my child late.

But you're not taking responsibility. Responsibility would be changing your work day to accommodate pick ups, or making arrangements with another parent to collect if you're delayed, or getting a childminder, or booking after school club.

Just continuing to do what you've always done, knowing that you are REGULARLY at least half an hour late is cheeky fuckery at its best! And you want to complain??

I find it hilarious that you have the audacity to even think about emailing the school. It seems that you are putting your own needs above those of your children. No, you shouldn’t be 30-40 minutes late regularly. Completely unacceptable. The staff sound like they are empathizing with your son and he might be telling you because he’s embarrassed. The school should be charging you - say $1 per minute after the first 10 minutes. Per child. Maybe then you will take some responsibility.

Maybe instead of emailing to criticise the staff that have been doing you a favour, you could email to thank them and maybe offer payment to cover the time that they’ve been doing free emergency childcare for you.

You’ve said you’re taking full responsibility for being late, but you aren’t. You’re expecting the school to raise it with you ‘if it’s an issue’. So clearly you don’t think it’s an issue at the moment!

Wow, just wow.

There a 3 adults in this child's life and he is still bring neglected. Surely the 3 of you could come up with some better solution.

Also if his father and your partner sometimes collect him, I susect your late rate I'd nuch higher than you have stated.

This one lies with you. The school have been doing you a massive favour and you want to complain.

Did you ever consider what those staff are late for as a result?