Complain to School or Not

[DgfaMummy]

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

I think that if you do complain the school will get v tough with you about being late so frequently. You need childcare. You are massively unreasonable. Your child is old enough to understand what is going on here. You are at fault for putting him in this position.

I can't believe you think being apologetic excuses being late all the time

I can My headteacher ex had a couple of parents like this, and once when he really needed to leave on time for a flight, it ended up with the ridiculous situation of him begging the worst of them to be on time just this once

That parent thought it was worth a complaint too - oh, and turned up even later just to make a point

They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

The thing is that context is important to all of those kinds of comments.

If one staff member comes into the room and finds another stuck waiting with you and happens to say something like "Poor kid, not been picked up again? His mum usually gets stuck in traffic so might be another 20 minutes, you get home I'll stay today" to their colleague to clarify the situation, and your son overhears that is not their fault. What are they supposed to say?

Equally they could be saying "your mum is always late to get you" in a way to reassure your son that you will eventually turn up. For most kids this would be a one off and so probably get upset and thr teacher can do/say something like "Well mummy is usually on time so something has probably come up, maybe she is stuck in traffic but let's go and give her a call shall we?" Whereas for your son ot is a weekly occurance so they have said "Well, mummy is often late to collect you but she always turns up in the end, doesn't she? I suppose she is stuck in traffic again but we'll see when she gets here"

Yes please do complain to the school, Op.
And report back on what happens next😬

What is a "hall aid"" ?
Do you not feel bad leaving your kid waiting on you?
Adjust your working Hours... or find childcare.
Then address the numpties that think it's ok to bad mouth a parent to their child!!

You’re taking the piss. Pay for after school club or get a childminder. As if you were going to complain to the school about the people providing you with FREE childcare - in their own time

@StuffYouAllInTheCrust

You’re taking the piss. Pay for after school club or get a childminder. As if you were going to complain to the school about the people providing you with FREE childcare - in their own time

They shouldn't be bad mouthing the parents to the kids..

Maybe your son is making up the comments in the hope of shaming you because he's embarrassed. You should be ashamed!!

If you repeatedly left your children for close to an hour almost once a week at our school they would call social services.

It is completely unacceptable to make other people late to their after work commitments. You clearly don’t finish work with enough leeway to reliably collect your children so you need to put in place proper childcare. You cannot simply leave your children at school and I can’t believe you would even think this is an acceptable long term solution to an issue you have regularly.

Its not the schools responsibility to look after your child after school finishes, staff still have work to do. Why do you think apologising for being 30-40 minutes late is all thats needed? You need to sort out afterschool care if you are unable to collect your child on time this many times in a couple of months. You are very fortunate that the school have not spoken to you yet, we would have done.

That is not acceptable. You need to get childcare if you can't guarantee you will get there everyday. 7 times in three months is a lot. I thought you were talking about five mins, not 40!

@Nikkic2123 the OP is putting her child in this situation. She's causing the issue.

So if she gets delayed at work, she claims it's been 7 times in the last three months, it's a 40 minute delay? Do you honestly believe she's either on time or 40 mins late? If hazard a guess she's normally a bit late, hence the true comments about your mum is always late!

It all sounds chaotic and I'm sure the child is upset about being left alone while all the other children go home.

Isn't there a school friend that DS can go home with each afternoon & you pick him up later? I too worked shifts & couldn't leave until my relief arrived, so I understand its tricky. Sometimes it's not always the same person that's late in. But you need some sort of plan in place because it's not fair on your son hanging around for 40 mins each week because of your job. I'd be reluctant to complain because you're poking the bear. They could simply say 'next time your late, we're getting social services involved ' 🤷🏼‍♀️

You need to be there when school finishes. Sort your life out. Entitled much? Get there early maybe.

You apologise but then just carry on doing it. In reality your,apology means nothing because you're not sorry. If you were sorry, you wouldn't keep doing it.

Honestly, the aides will be fuming at this point- it’s so disrespectful of you- apologising doesn’t cut it! I can’t believe you’d even think about complaining in these circumstances- at the very least I’d be sending chocolates as an apology to them and more importantly making sure it never happens again.

Missing the main point but what are aides?

Pick them up on time and there's be no gossiping. I don't agree with the gossiping but you're not just a little bit late. You need to leave work earlier, get someone else to pick them up. Teachers are not babysitters and have plenty of things to do after school.

I think that's what happens when you're late a lot for anything - people moan about you. Why don't you organise childcare? That's what people do when they can't collect their children.

YABU and unbelievably cheeky!!

Yea, I understand this but two wrongs don’t make a right.
If I’m annoyed with a child’s mum I don’t tell the child or even involve the child who would most likey be visably upset by the situation

I have no idea what a 'hall aide' is but basically you are massively taking the piss. Whose job do you think it is to babysit your poor child when you are extremely late to collect them? Your child becomes YOUR responsibility at the end of the school day. The staff at school have other things to do and whilst they shouldn't be making passive aggressive comments, they probably feel very sorry for your child and very unimpressed with you.
Complain if you will but be prepared for the school to make crystal clear to you what your responsibilities are as a parent.

My kids have been going to school for 5 years. I haven’t been late once.

YABU

7x40 minutes is 280 minutes that you have forced staff to work unpaid.

Either that or they had to abandon the duties they needed to get on with.

At my child's old primary school, if a parent was more than 15 minutes late picking up, the child would be put 8n an after school club, and the parent charged accordingly.
YABU