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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complain to School or Not

299 replies

DgfaMummy · 24/11/2021 23:50

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

OP posts:
Socuddly · 25/11/2021 07:28

Sorry op but you're not taking full responsibility for being late are you? Taking responsibility would be putting childcare in place because you can't reliably pick your son up.

The staff shouldn't be talking about you in front of your son but honestly I'm amazed that the school haven't called you in over this.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/11/2021 07:28

As an aside, 9 years old is y5 isn't it?
Children in our primary are allowed, and actively encouraged, to walk home on their own from year 5 (and they all do).

MolkosTeenageAngst · 25/11/2021 07:29

Being apologetic is meaningless if you don’t make any efforts to stop it happening again. 7 times in under 3 months is unacceptable - you need to prioritise your son and ensure you are leaving work on time to collect him or have an alternative plan in place.

I wouldn’t complain to the school about this considering how unreasonable you are being and because, honestly, they are right; your poor son!! They will be recording every time you are late as a cause for concern and if it continues I would expect them to contact social services because your behaviour is completely unacceptable.

mummyh2016 · 25/11/2021 07:31

Sorry OP another post saying YABU. You're not taking responsibility, taking responsibility is sorting the issue out not that shrugging your shoulders and blaming the traffic. You either need to look at after school club or reduce your hours to finish even earlier. Saying that I don't know why I'm posting as I doubt you'll be back and this thread will disappear at some point.

nimbuscloud · 25/11/2021 07:31

I feel very sorry for your 9 year old. Does he spend the day stressing about you being late to collect him?

Howshouldibehave · 25/11/2021 07:32

My head teacher would have flagged this as a safeguarding concern by now.

Are you in the US?

Who are those hall aides and are they getting overtime because you are forcing them to work late so much?

Had I heard people saying things like that to my child I would have felt guilty because I know they are right and would feel ashamed. I would then have gone out of my way to make sure it never happened again.

You are missing the point completely and want to attack them for stating the truth! Sometimes guilt and shame are feelings that have positive outcomes because they force you to do the right thing.

You are deflecting

FelicityPike · 25/11/2021 07:33

Our school say they will phone Social Services after 30 minutes of a no show parent. (I doubt they’ve ever actually had to).
I think you’ve been very lucky up until now.

ldontWanna · 25/11/2021 07:33

There are two separate issue here. Your childcare needs that need to be sorted for everyone's sake.

The unprofessional conduct of hall aides. It's not ok to badmouth children or parents in front of pupils. At our school we'd definitely get told off for it and we are always reminded to be careful with what we say and who can hear it. Many issues some kids have are down to their parents, where do you draw the line?

By all means have a chat to the head about the comments, but do expect to be picked up on your childcare issues as well. You do need to sort something out.

AttaGirrrrl · 25/11/2021 07:35

Is this an after school club? I’m surprised they’re letting you continue using school childcare tbh. Sort out a more reliable system of picking him up, otherwise you’re going to find it even more difficult.

Boombastic22 · 25/11/2021 07:39

Wow. Why don’t you have wrap around care for your son or find a new job?

This simply isnt unacceptable. What if they are then late, let alone they’re not getting paid.

In private nurseries round here you get charged £5 per minute late, funnily enough people do manage to organise their lives.

AnkleDeep · 25/11/2021 07:39

Be very careful. In their place I'd tell you to make other arrangements.

You cannot really think it's OK to be 40 minutes late. No one is that daft.

Clymene · 25/11/2021 07:40

Maybe they're hoping to shame you into turning up on time seeing as common decency doesn't seem to be working.

How on earth do you think they're behaving unprofessionally when you're treating them as though their time doesn't matter? What if you're making them late for their next job or to pick up their children?

Autumncoming · 25/11/2021 07:40

You need to hire a childminder.
The people having to hang around with your children have lives, work and other children too.
You're being really selfish.

Lightswitch123 · 25/11/2021 07:40

I think it would be very galling for you to have the cheek to complain

You need to sort your childcare ASAP your current behaviour is not acceptable

DemBonesDemBones · 25/11/2021 07:41

I'm staggered you're so relaxed about being 30-40 minutes late 'about' 7 times a term. That is appalling!

Frazzled2207 · 25/11/2021 07:41

I have never heard the term Hall aide?

Round here in this scenario we pay for the after school club. Assuming you have one you need to pay for it.

PinkMochi · 25/11/2021 07:41

It’s really not fair to make the staff provide free childcare when they have other jobs that need doing after school! 5 minutes late, fair enough… but 30-40 minutes?? You need to organise after school childcare everyday.

Blinkingbatshit · 25/11/2021 07:42

From your second post you still really don’t seem to understand how much of an issue your lateness is. In our primary school, you would have been called in & given a warning by now. It is your responsibility to fix it.

Cacee3029 · 25/11/2021 07:42

Tbf I would be annoyed if I were the school. Odd time is okay but not so good if it's a regular thing. The staff need to finish up after school (teaching isn't 9-3 only!) and get home to their own families. YABU!

Sort some childcare out!

Kanaloa · 25/11/2021 07:43

@FelicityPike

Our school say they will phone Social Services after 30 minutes of a no show parent. (I doubt they’ve ever actually had to). I think you’ve been very lucky up until now.
Usually you don’t have to because the policy involves phoning both parents and the two emergency contacts to come and collect the child, and it’s very rare that none of those will answer.

I’ve had to call parents a few times (simple mistakes where dad thinks mum is collecting and mum thinks dad is) but I’ve never had to call police/social services luckily, which is the next step if nobody answers.

It’s very frustrating and annoying as a worker though, especially when the parent swans in late regularly as if they just expect you to not be bothered that you’ve been kept late.

Dauphinois · 25/11/2021 07:43

The 'bad mouthing' isn't ideal but you lose the moral high ground by being late so often so I'd say that their right to moan trumps yours.

You need a plan in place to stop this happening - problem solved!

YABU.

Cliff1975 · 25/11/2021 07:44

This is totally unreasonable OF YOU.

Newnameforabit · 25/11/2021 07:45

You really need to address the core problem - you getting there on time

Platax · 25/11/2021 07:45

Certainly the staff should be complaining to you and not your child, but I'm wondering whether actually they are as you seem to think that the fact that you apologise makes it all OK. I'm amazed they haven't taken it further by now.

CurzonDax · 25/11/2021 07:46

OP - you aren't that apologetic if you're not willing to pay the school for the free childcare that they are currently providing your son!

I assume the hall aides are the after school club workers (which takes place in the school hall)? If so makes sense that they place your child there, rather than ask another support staff to wait, beyond their own hours, to look after your son. However, this also has a knock on affect - is there space for your son? These clubs do have ratios to consider for safety reasons. You, as a CF, are getting the free childcare that other parents are paying for!

Your poor son having to sit around and wait for you. Have you considered that this may be the main cause of his upset?