Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

Don’t live with your friend. It will make your friendship a financial transaction instead of a friendship. She sounds quite bossy and not considerate of your needs as well.

But to answer your question, since this arrangement seems to be based on her making money off you, it’s not unreasonable to negotiate terms that suit you

Whilst I can appreciate why you wouldn't want to eat their meals, cooking separate meals could cause different problems - access to the kitchen, and storage and security for your own food separate to theirs. Are you happy to work around their mealtimes (e.g. if they decide to cook and eat later, your 'kitchen timeslot' suddenly changes)? What if a member of the family helps themselves to something you bought for your dinner? Or throws out your cheese because you bought the wrong non-vegan version?

I think it would be a good idea to live somewhere else do you can preserve the friendship.

What’s the going rate for renting a room locally? That seems cheap to me.

How much would she get for the room if she rented it out on the open market?

A fair charge for a friend would be less than she could rent it to a stranger for, but it should be in the same range. I’d double check that her council tax won’t go up, because if she’s getting single person discount atm, surely she’d lose that if you move in?

What she charged anyone else is irrelevant, £250/£200 for a months rent is cheap IMO.

You can ask about not including meals, but she can say no, how would that work practically? Could you get a small fridge in your room to keep your food separate? What about if you want to cook at the same time?

I should have said, if it’s only a few months, I’d either accept her terms or say no.

I'd suggest it's about more than the food. If you all eat together that means your friend won't have other people in the kitchen when she is trying to prepare the family meal, there won't be extra washing up at different times, there won't be disturbances once the kids are in bed etc

I suspect she has said this because it will mean less disruption.

I suspect your friend has offered meals in with the rent to avoid you bringing your food into the house, so I'm not sure having less rent and less fridge space/kitchen control would be preferable to her.

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue

Whilst I can appreciate why you wouldn't want to eat their meals, cooking separate meals could cause different problems - access to the kitchen, and storage and security for your own food separate to theirs. Are you happy to work around their mealtimes (e.g. if they decide to cook and eat later, your 'kitchen timeslot' suddenly changes)? What if a member of the family helps themselves to something you bought for your dinner? Or throws out your cheese because you bought the wrong non-vegan version?

All of this ^

I wouldn't live with your friend if you can avoid it. The fact that she's offered meals included... That's not a standard arrangement for a lodger and makes me think there would be an expectation on you to be home/eat with them etc and I don't think - on that basis - that she'd be open to you doing your own thing in her kitchen. Hence why she's offered.

And renting a storage space on top will end up costing you more ...

It doesn't really sound like living with her is the right solution. Are you sure you shouldn't reconsider?

Which request are you considering ‘cheeky’ — hers in asking for money, or yours in negotiating downward?

You say ‘lots’ of friends and family have offered to have you to live with them for months — which I think is pretty generous — so why not accept someone else’s offer?

Live with one of the other people who have offered. This one is totally seeing you as a cash cow.

I’d ask but not refer to the veganism. That could offend.

I’d say that I wanted to keep costs low because money will be tight ahead of the house purchase, and ask if that sum would be ok on the basis I’d sort my own food and use mum’s washing machine.

well, commercially £250 is probably really cheap.

As others have said, it is unlikely to end well.

I would talk to her, say that your food preferences are different to hers, and so would like to sort out your own meals, and see what she says. It may be that she doesn't want you cooking in her kitchen.

No matter how small the room, £260 is already a pretty good price. She may not be happy charging any less for you for doing your own food, as that is actually more inconvenient for them as you’ll be taking up space and time in the kitchen.

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Live with one of the other people who have offered. This one is totally seeing you as a cash cow.

How have you come to that conclusion? That’s a really cheap rent, and who can buy food for £50 a month?

What would you pay in a house share locally as £250, even if you cooked your own food, sounds cheap to me?

what is the alternative?

Is it really worth losing such a cheap place with someone you know and like for a £12.50 a week discount?
Say yes to the offer or say no. I wouldn’t try and get the rent down.

I wouldn't live there - the food thing is weird for a paying tenant.

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Live with one of the other people who have offered. This one is totally seeing you as a cash cow.

£250 a month is really cheap, you wouldn’t get a room in a house share for that much round here.

@GreenClock

I’d ask but not refer to the veganism. That could offend.

I’d say that I wanted to keep costs low because money will be tight ahead of the house purchase, and ask if that sum would be ok on the basis I’d sort my own food and use mum’s washing machine.

That doesn't sound feasible given the OP would only be paying £50 extra a month for food from her friend. If it was a cost issue she'd snatch her hand off to be fed for a month for that. Imo its best to just say you prefer not to be tied into family meals.