Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

Don’t don’t don’t ask for a discount. You could ask if ok to cook for yourself in the week, and see what she says. But don’t link it to a discount. It’s just super uncomfortable when someone is offering you a lovely favour.

250 is v cheap. Even for a single room.

I think your friend has offered to cook your meals because, as a vegan, she wouldn’t want you to cook animal based foods in her kitchen. Fair enough. If you don’t want to eat ‘her’ food, then make your own, but compromise and eat plant based while you stay with her. Don’t try and negotiate on the rent though! That’s CF territory. As I said, 250 is a cheap rent.

@Bangersandmash5

Hear you all loud and clear...

Yes I'm very lucky that quite a few family members have offered me accommodation, but in the nicest way possible, I'd rather not live with them unless I absolutely have to.

Some reasons being-

My parents argue constantly and it can be quite a depressing atmosphere at times. They also don't have a fire alarm and haven't had one for around 10 years. My mum leaves the tumble dryer on at night when their in bed and has been known to leave the gas cooker on as well. I have a lot of anxiety around this and have told them they need to get a fire alarm and stop leaving appliances on at night (not only for my safety but theirs as well, but they never listen). My dad also has the TV on really loudly and doesn't go to bed until midnight most nights - the stairs are in the living room so the sound travels so an early night is never possible.

My auntie (very close) but she's a hoarder and also has two dogs which makes things far worse. She's recently moved house and it took us over a week to clear the house and garage. She admitted her that she'd been living in squalor. (She's promised she will keep the next one clean and tidy but we'll see)

I know these might sound like lousy excuses, but they make me very anxious...

Please buy them several smoke alarms and install them for your parents (if you feel that you arent able, then ask your local fire brigade, they do this free of charge)

Couldn't you store items at your parents house rather than a storage unit?

@Lindtnotlint

Don’t don’t don’t ask for a discount. You could ask if ok to cook for yourself in the week, and see what she says. But don’t link it to a discount. It’s just super uncomfortable when someone is offering you a lovely favour.

I think this

Phrase it as due to working hours, you'd prefer to come in and cook something fresh for yourself - is that OK with her? If you're around at the weekend then you'd love to eat with them and are happy to cook occasionally. So the expectation is set.
£250 is a good price even without food but this way you'll still be paying for your share of breakfasts, weekend meals if you're home, drinks etc.
If you provide your own for a discount you'll end up with your own box of teabags, own bag of sugar, own bottle of milk etc.

On that topic, is she OK having fairy in the house or are you happy being fully vegan at home?

£250 is cheap as chips! I was paying £200 for room and bills, not even food, 20 years ago (although guess it depends where in the country you are).

What the going rate? Does she regularly rent out the room or is she just doing it as favour to you? Will she lose out financially by offering you that rate?

If she doesn't usually rent it out but it's prepared to do it because she knows you need somewhere, think of it as a kind favour, not an attempt to make a quick few quid - No one is obliged to give you mates rates or a freebie when offering a place to live, expecting that is CF territory.

Sounds best avoided all round tbh, could make the friendship v awkward as you both seem to have very different lifestyles and views of what is reasonable.

Only read OP as frankly enough to decide that this is not going to work. Too many negatives mentioned in your post and they are big enough to not make it worth it. Can't even remember any positives if there were any!

If you want the friendship to end it’s a great idea.

Going to add to the chorus of "don't live with your friend".

In my house in the UK, I had many lodgers. The first one was a friend, but not one I knew well, and he was actually really good - we became better friends (no more than that!). But I always knew I was a stepping stone until he bought his own place.
After that, they were all people I didn't know - but they were all fine.
Then I had a good friend move in for a while - and, thinking that I was all good with having people in the house, I thought it would be fine - it wasn't. Because she was a good friend, it was MUCH HARDER to let her know when things weren't exactly working, because I didn't want to upset her - and I think she must have felt similar because after a couple of weeks she decided to go elsewhere, and lodged with a family instead.

The food complication is going to be painful all by itself - and for that reason alone, I would say Don't Do It - but it's a big risk to your friendship too.

Stay with family instead - however annoying they are, they're family and you're all used to each other.

I think £250 including everything, even you don't eat their food is really cheap.

But my worry would be are you ok with you not eating non vegan dishes at all at your home, is that even tolerable for you? Vegan mean not even eggs and milk, or are they ok with you eating them at their house?

Oops, see I should have read more of your posts to see why you prefer not to live with family.

Your parents sound the best bet - despite the atmosphere, which there's nothing you can do anything about.

You could, however, buy a fire alarm yourself and install it outside the bedroom doors - they're cheap, they're battery operated and they're easy to screw to the ceiling (or wall, if necessary, but ceiling preferable). The TV situation - your dad going to bed late is one thing, but would he accept playing the tv more quietly with maybe subtitles on? That's what I do - I'm a very late-to-bed person, and if I'm watching the actual tv (as opposed to on my laptop) then I will turn it right down and put subtitles on. Otherwise I watch on my laptop with headphones on.

Of course, your parents may not want to make what I consider to be fairly minor changes to help you out - in which case, it will make it harder.

The aunt's place sounds like a total no-go - got that!

I'd still consider elsewhere than your friend though.

£250 a month is a bargain even without the food included. My lodger pays £500 to live in my spare room and doesn't get a slice of toast included for that lol 😂

250 is very low. You wouldn’t get floor space in a shed round my way for that.

For 250 a month, bed, food, bills, access to household appliances sounds like a bloody bargain since you are working full time and will be able to save loads, why quibble over £50? But it may feel quite suffocating

The food thing is a dealbreaker for me. You are stuck with their mealtimes & food choices. What if you fancy a late night snack or don't like what's being plated up. I'd take up one of the other offers you've had.

Veering off topic for just a second but why don’t you just buy your parents a smoke alarm? (Assuming that’s what you mean by a fire alarm). 20 quid off Amazon could save lives (and worry).

What she's offering is an absolute bargain. If you also spend a few quid a week buying potatoes and beans, it is still a bargain.

Nope. I'd rather live in my car.

You will lose her forever if you ask to reduce that rent. I wouldn't rent from her at all. Go on line and find a room to rent. Keep friends and commercial stuff entirely separate.

Going to add to the chorus of "don't live with your friend"

Me too. But if you do, I would say you want to sort your own food out (don't ask for a rent reduction though). Your friend's response to this will give you a really good idea of how living with them is going to pan out:

They might say 'ok' and offer a rent reduction without you asking
Or say 'ok' but keep the rent the same
Or say no, you need to eat our food because of veganism or no storage space or whatever other reason
Or say fine but you can only bring vegan food into our home

...etc etc

I think you are already getting a good deal whether you eat her food or not, and unless I was really hard up I wouldn’t risk embarrassment her for the sake of £12.50 per week.

I think you need to clarify the food situation, I agree with PP, it sounds like she wants to include meals so there’s no non-vegan food in the house. Would it be a deal breaker for you to eat vegan at home, even if you don’t eat their food? I seriously doubt they’d want dairy in their shared fridge, or you using their pots and pans to cook it.

But man, that is an amazing price. I paid 85 pounds a week as a lodger nearly 20:years ago and no food was included 😂

Generally with me and family and friends if they’ve ever had a casual arrangement with friends staying/moving in it almost always ends in tears… for a variety of reasons!

With your scenario it just seems like there are too many differences in what you both want/expect and for the sake of your friendship I’d leave it. As family doesn’t work just find a cheap houseshare.

That would be a no from me. Couldn't live with vegans personally and it's a good way to wreck your friendship.

That seems cheap. Be honest and tell them you like eating meat and how much for the room without meals included. If they do not allow non vegan food in the house it is a deal breaker for me.