Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

It is cheeky to ask for a reduction, if you are determined to stay there and can’t move back to your parents, just pay the full amount, when she realises you are not eating the meals, maybe she will give you back some of the money herself.
To ask this before even moving in is getting off to a bad note.

I think it would be mad to do this and your friendship will be over. You are very sketchy about why you are moving out of your current situation, and you are right to keep it private, but I think there is more to the story and she only offered to charge you as there is some part of this that is missing.

All the very best.

as they all eat around 6pm as the kids go to bed at 7...........I don't finish work until 6 either

I would think this is your argument - you don't want to be disrupting their family time and their schedule doesn't work for you and you'd prefer to sort yourself out in terms of food.
I think if she is happy to charge you then she is comfortable enough with money to negotiate. If she say no, then fine make it clear that sometimes you'll be eating what they eat and sometimes you'll be sorting yourself out.
If she doesn't want you to have access to the kitchen that's a bigger issue than the £50/month.

Take the room, eat what your given. Have the occasional pork pie or whatever it is you may crave that isn’t vegan out of their house.

I don’t get veganism myself in the sense that I would be interested in doing it long term but for a few months for such cheap rent it would be fine.

A friend’s first year student son has just run into exactly this issue — he left it too late to find student accommodation, and is a lodger in a family home. The arrangement was that rent would include breakfast and dinner, but it turns out they have very different ideas about what constitutes ‘normal’ food — he grew up in a house where everything was homemade, including bread, and Ottolenghi etc recipes, and the family he’s lodging with are more oven chips and Findus Chicken Kievs — so he asked for a rent reduction and said he’d make his own food, but it turns out the family don’t want someone else clogging up the kitchen at busy times, which was why food was included. So he’s going to have to deal or leave.

@3luckystars - sorry I didn't mean to be sketchy around why I'm moving out of my current rental, just didn't want to bore everyone with the details. The main reasons are that I don't particularly get on with my upstairs neighbours. We've never argued or anything like that but they've caused a lot of problems over the years. Throwing rubbish, used hygiene products, fag ends in my garden, have blocked the drains multiple times with kitchen roll/sanitary products when I asked them to stop throwing them in the garden. The drain is right outside my kitchen window so the place stinks when it's blocked. They leave food lying around everywhere in their garden so there's a lot more rats than there use to be, some of which have got into my flat and my landlord has had to call out pest control quite a few times which isn't cheap (I paid once when I first moved in as didn't want to bother him). They flooded my bathroom last year and have recently done it again, 4 months after the ceiling was repaired/painted etc. My landlord has been supportive and we get on very well but is at the end of his tether too, has tried to involve the council to see if they could help but with no luck. Can't have a calm or rational conversation with neighbours as they fly off the handle and think we have a vendetta against them... I've put up with it for 5 years but I'm miserable now and have lost all patience...

Oh dear, that's quite funny Furzebush. Did he imagine he'd have been eating home made bread and Ottolenghi recipes in halls?

Sounds like mummy and daddy need to set him up in a nice flat and give him some Le Creuset and a pre-loaded Waitrose account for Christmas.

(That may well not reflect his circumstances but it is how his expectations come across!).

Oh you will be glad to get out of there so! The extra £50 for not eaten noodles will be well worth it

What is standard rent? You need to deal with this as a commercial transaction.

@tara66

The GBP250 is to include the food the OP does not want. She is therefore entitled to a discount. I also think she should be allowed food that she wants to eat that is not all veg. - such as store bought cottage pie for one that only needs re heating and does not need to be stored.

"Entitled to a discount"?!

"Should be allowed"?!

The friend is offering a room, on certain terms. OP is at liberty to accept or decline the offer. She's not entitled to anything!

£250 sounds a low payment per month, although perhaps that depends where you live. I think it would be cheeky to make a counter proposal

I think she wants to include food to ensure that no non-vegan food is bought into the house.
You can ask her whether she would consider reducing the rent but you eat separately and see what she says - but I suspect she won't want that.

I wouldn't live there - I'd find somewhere else.

She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

Is she currently the sole adult living in the property?
If so, that's not true.

But I can't see how you can object to £250 a month & having all your dinners cooked for you! If you want to eat cheese etc, you can have it for lunch when you are working or otherwise out, can't you?

@lottiegarbanzo

Oh dear, that's quite funny Furzebush. Did he imagine he'd have been eating home made bread and Ottolenghi recipes in halls?

Sounds like mummy and daddy need to set him up in a nice flat and give him some Le Creuset and a pre-loaded Waitrose account for Christmas.

(That may well not reflect his circumstances but it is how his expectations come across!).

@lottiegarbanzo @Furzebush

Yes I''ll admit, I chuckled at that. Sounds like a quote from the Overheard in Watrose Facebook page

When I was a student, chicken kiev and chips would have been a great treat

That seems like an amazingly low rent to me. People easily pay £700/£800/£900 a month for house shares here.

What would you be paying if you weren't moving in with this friend?

The GBP250 is to include the food the OP does not want. She is therefore entitled to a discount.

I can barely believe the evidence of my eyes @tara66

When someone makes you a generous offer, but you don't want part of it, how does that "entitle" you to anything?

This is a pal, opening up her home to a friend in need. OP is entitled to precisely jack shit. I can't believe she wants to quibble over £50 a month. The food thing's pretty ungrateful too: she'll be spending far more than £50 a month on buying her own food because she wants to turn her nose up at vegan.

Yeah just ask her
Do you know what your gonna say If she says no?
The vegan thing, this place will be your home I get scheduling when you can cook but would you need to change your diet to suit your friend?
Like if you fancied a Maccies on way home from work, has visions of a woman scoffing a burger in her car whilst her friend inside the house twitches the curtains

Entitled to a discount LOL.

She's been offered an all bills paid room and board for the princely sum of £8.33 a day.

She should show some gratitude at her friends extremely generous offer.

@lottiegarbanzo

Oh dear, that's quite funny Furzebush. Did he imagine he'd have been eating home made bread and Ottolenghi recipes in halls?

Sounds like mummy and daddy need to set him up in a nice flat and give him some Le Creuset and a pre-loaded Waitrose account for Christmas.

(That may well not reflect his circumstances but it is how his expectations come across!).

No, he’s not an entitled little horror, genuinely, he’s autistic and postponed university because of an international move snd then Covid, and I think has just not spent much time outside his own household in his whole life, and both parents are serious cooks. He actually cooks pretty well himself, and I assume would have been self-catering in halls (this is not Uk, so self-catering is more common.) mind you, I have to laugh. I’m not sure he’d ever seen a Findus frozen Kiev in his life.😀

If you're not willing to eat their meals, I would look for something else.
I don't think it will be preferable to her to have you cooking separately. Go vegan and enjoy the health benefits as well as saving a load of money on the process! She sounds like a good friend.

I know these might sound like lousy excuses, but they make me very anxious...

They don't sound like lousy excuses at all OP, & given the stress of dealing with your current neighbours, you need to give yourself the nicest living conditions & atmosphere you can manage.

£250 a month is a great deal - where else are you going to find something this cheap? And there's nothing wrong with re-heating a portion of the vegan family dinner when you get in from work! - think of the money you will save on food, the health benefits, & the joy & convenience of having someone else plan, shop & cook for you ...

Well his cooking abilities could make him a very popular flatmate and be of great assistance in making friends (and potentially being taken advantage of, something to watch out for) @Furzebush

I think it’s really cheap too, I would graciously accept but do food top ups for myself. Just because she’s vegan doesn’t mean to have to eat chickpeas because she’s cooked them.

And it means you don’t have to feel guilty if you want to sprinkle her turmeric Into your curry.

@StrongCoffeAvalanche

I wouldn't live there - the food thing is weird for a paying tenant.

Not weird for a friend who is being pretty much invited to stay as one of the family though.

& OP won't be a tenant. She'll be a lodger - huge difference.

£250 a month to have a 3rd adult in the house, the family dynamics slightly changed (no matter how enjoyably), & a home cooked meal every night is amazing value & a very generous offer.
If OP decides not to go, I'd like to book myself in for a month!

[quote Bangersandmash5]@Twillow I meant would it be cheeky to ask for a reduction. I didn't mean that she's cheeky. [/quote]
Whoops! Misunderstood your title. But it does sound like you think she's being unreasonable?

250 a month seems like a real bargain to me; but admittedly I live in a place where accommodation is expensive. Would you be able to eat lunch at work, and occasionally (given that you're presumably saving money) eat out, and put up with the pasta dishes in the evening?

The rent is unbelievably cheap - if accept the deal she's offering and stare you will prepare your own food now and then if that's ok with her.