Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

Why not ask how much she would want if you were getting your own food. At least clarify what she will provide.

I've lodged with vegetarians in the past but would probably draw the line at a vegan - how is she going to be about you having things like milk? No milk for my drinks would be a deal breaker for me!!

But obviously there's a cost to you cooking your own meals in fuel as well as the inconvenience of you both having to work around each other, and kitchen storage to consider so she might not want that.

I charge my DC’s that, just for keep! It’s a bargain. However I also think it will change the dynamic of your relationship with your friend, so would make other arrangements.

what were you going to do with the furniture if you sofa surfed at friends/family? either you'd have needed storage there too (in which case the small room isn't an issue), or they have loads of space (in which case maybe they'd be ok for you to store your furniture even if you're not living there?)

If she said it's specifically that price to include meals then you could have the conversation with her to see if she is happy for you to sometimes eat with them and sometimes sort yourself. If she is flexible in her response it may be that she was offering meals to help. If she is quite strict about food being provided it is probably an arrangement that won't work. No need to mention prices, if you consider this cheap/best option and you're happy with how the conversation goes then great. She may offer to reduce the price if she was really just trying to help you out with food.

I think £250 a month is cheap. I also think you’ve missed the point about the food that the offer is as it stands and having you cooking (using power) and storing food isn’t in the offer.
Will you really not be saving much money if you also have to pay for a storage unit?

Don't assume food = money, that offer could be all about kitchen awkwardness etc. You could ask her if she thinks the arrangement would still work if you did some meals seperately. See what she says, but be very considerate of the fact this is her home she is offering to share and if she is uncomfortable with any of it it could really damage the relationship if everyone is seething by the end. You need to bend over backwards to tolerate what she can offer if this is your best option, remember it is temporary, and provided she isn't being mean to you her preferences need to come first.

£250 a month is an absolute steal, I wouldn't be trying to negotiate that downward.

If you want to live with her specifically, just say you'll sort your own food.

If you do decide to stay there, I'd have a proper discussion about how long you may be staying there. Mid next year, so about 6 months is doable to buy a place, but will you feel under pressure to buy quickly, what if you don't find anywhere?

This is not going to end well. Don't jeopardise your friendship - stay somewhere else.
Also, you have no idea how long you need to rent for so the timescale is too uncertain. Finding and buying a house will take longer than you think.

I think it's reasonable to ask if she would reduce the price if you bought and cooked your own food. I wouldn't ask for a specific amount but just float the idea and see what she says.

It might be that it is much easier for her if you eat the same as the rest of the family and that is why she offered. You might actually be causing more disruption doing your own thing, being in the kitchen at different times etc.

Just talk to her about it (as you will have to anyway), but don't ask for a specific discount down to £200. Just tell her you would like to do your own thing with meals and ask if that would change the price at all.

Take it or leave it. She's inviting you to stay as part of the family, a full-board lodger (bit like an au pair). You're asking to live like a flat-sharer in her family home. That would be a massive PITA for her and probably make you more trouble than you're worth.

As a vegan myself OP I suspect her saying "food included" was a tactful way if saying "no non vegan food in the house". It's not just about meat, you will probably be bringing cows milk, butter, eggs, cheese etc into her home. For many vegans this is just as upsetting as having meat in the fridge. So unless you're planning to eat 100% vegan food for the duration of your tenancy I would look for an alternative.

Storage is incredibly expensive - virtually a mortgage all by itself, so definetly good idea to find a solution that avoids that! I think it's so lovely your friend was willing to offer you an option and good choice to look elsewhere. Nice to know she'd be there for you if you needed it though. :)

The GBP250 is to include the food the OP does not want. She is therefore entitled to a discount.
I also think she should be allowed food that she wants to eat that is not all veg. - such as store bought cottage pie for one that only needs re heating and does not need to be stored.

You can ask but I'd say no, as aside from the 'no non-vegan food' thing, which is very valid, I wouldn't want someone messing around and getting in the way in my kitchen, at the point I want to cook, tidy up, make tea and toast, do some baking, or leave things tidy.

I’d still pay the £250 and say you’ll sort your own food but won’t bring meat into the home. If you’re cooking separately there will be additional gas/electricity used so paying the same but her not having your food cost would still be fair I’d say.

Entitled? WTF tara66 OP is 'entitled' to nothing. She can accept her friend's kind offer, or not.

Regarding the first comment, I'm not sure how you think her friend is bossy? Bit of a ridiculous reach.

It's her house and her offer so I'd be inclined to either accept as is (and sort your own food) or find another solution entirely. If you're in any doubt and there is the possibility for any resentment, find another option. Could be bad for your friendship.

Why is it cheeky?

You need to live somewhere. If you are planning to buy you will have to do it bloody fast if you want to be moving in by middle of next year. All sorts of things delay house purchases, let alone finding one in this market.

She's offering a service to you, why should it be free? 6+ months is a long time to put someone up for, there will always be little niggles living with other people. You're not destitute. If you have lots of other people offering pick one of those if you want a free ride.

With the update about having to pay for a storage unit, I'm not sure this is sounding worth it, especially as it could be for quite some time. Are there other ways you can save the equivalent money? Maybe running and YouTube workouts instead of gym membership, packed lunches, cheaper utilities suppliers, that kind of thing?

Shes made you a generous offer, naturally with some conditions, but I just wouldn't want to have to fit in with someone else's plans for that length of time- I.e. let her know not to cook for me etc.

If you do decide to move in, I think you can politely sound her out about cooking your own meals (make the point it's nothing to do with her cooking, more about timing and not wanting to waste her food if you want something different). I suspect it might be combo of her being tactful about wanting to reduce disruption and not have non-vegan food in the house though so it depends if you're close enough friends for her to say this outright.

@Twillow I meant would it be cheeky to ask for a reduction. I didn't mean that she's cheeky.

The food situation will cause problems - she will not want her pans etc used for non vegan food, and having someone faff in the kitchen after you’ve cleared up for the evening would put me on edge. If you can’t wholeheartedly fit in with her routine, I’d be looking for somewhere else

250 quid including bills is super cheap. The food included is to stop you wanting tostore stuff/ cook in the kitchen as it will be difficult. Also means you're more part of the family as everyone sits to eat at the same time. Cereal/ toast in the morning, have a big lunch and just have a nibble at dinner. Tiny portion for you as you had a big lunch or be out lots. I shared with a flatmate who I didn't like joined a gym and was never home :)

@Aderyn21

Don’t live with your friend. It will make your friendship a financial transaction instead of a friendship. She sounds quite bossy and not considerate of your needs as well.

How the HELL is simply saying "You can rent a room in my house for £250pm inc meals" bossy?!?!?!?!?

I also think this may not be a good idea. I get you won't be there much on weekdays but what about weekends? It also seems like your plans to move out are rather vague. I think you'd be better trying to find a new rental place where you can have your furniture. Getting on the property ladder may take longer than you think and paying for storage is just so wasteful.