Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

I would approach it differently, don't ask for a discount, ask if it would be ok to organise your own food.

Be aware that kitchen space is very tight for most people, especially with children- having to set cupboard and fridge space aside wouldn't be easy, amd they'll have to work around remembering which products are yours and which are theirs.
I'd find it really hard.

I agree with others; the practicalities of living with the whole family will cause tensions. It's actually more complicated because you're friends because this is being set up as a paying tenant situation.

There are already issues which you're not sure how to approach and you haven't even moved in! Will she be offended if you don't want to join her and her dh every evening? Will she be pissed off if you do want to sit on the sofa with them every evening? Will she be annoyed about the food situation? Will you be asked to babysit? Will the children want lots of your attention because you know them so well?

This sounds like a can of worms and it may take longer than the think to buy your own home.

I think your request is reasonable. Say that you’d rarely get home to eat with them so would it be ok if you sorted yourself out for food? I think a £50 discount for that is very reasonable. I think you should bring only vegan food into their house though. Apparently you can get some very nice vegan pizzas these days 😊 If you fancy a bacon butty ever, have one at work!

I think, like some others, that renting from a friend (especially one who doesn't 'professionally' rent out her room) is a bad idea if there are alternatives - and you imply that there are. Any disagreement about conditions or money that may arise in the future would risk damaging or ending the friendship.

If you do rent from her, I would suggest (1) making it as short-term as possible; and (2) if you can possibly afford it, asking if you can sort out your own meals, without asking for a reduction in the rent. You could put it, for example, in terms of time constraints that might mean that you can't always eat at the same times.

I think it's ok to ask her but keep in mind that as a vegan I know that wouldn't want meat/fish in my house so that might be why she's said she would provide food.

Agree @ddl1

I wouldn't ask for a reduction, regardless of meals. It's already a bargain, and frankly the upheaval of having another adult in the house wouldn't be worth a poxy £50 a week to me.

OP I think you're being ridiculous penny pinching over what amounts to £12.50 a week.

The £250 was decided based on accommodation and food being provided. If you only want the accommodation then it's not unreasonable to ask what the deal would be without the food costs.

If you know that you're not going to be home for the family mealtimes so you're always going to be reheating a meal and/or would rather have the flexibility to eat out or get a takeaway whenever you fancy, without having to inform your friend first (so she doesn't cook for you) etc then I don't see why it would be unreasonable to ask for a reduction in the "rent".

Perhaps you could negotiate a half board situation - pay £210/220 to contribute towards breakfast and weekend meals but weekday lunches and evening meals you fend for yourself?

How much are you paying in rent now and how much are rooms in houses in that area? It sounds very cheap to me - food or no food. 250pm is £75 per week. I am guessing that's including bills and cheap even without the food.

I wouldn’t move in with my friend and her family. Seems too intrusive and you’ll end up falling out and ruining your friendship. Just find a flat share with a fellow single person.

Look at the cost of rooms elsewhere to see if this is a good rate.

If yes then do you want to stay for that price? What are your alternatives?

I would say yes please or no thank you to friends offer rather than negotiate which could be awkward or perceived as cheeky.

Her food must be pretty bad if you would rather eat frozen pizza than a homemade meal every night!

I think you have listed all the reasons why you think you won't be a pain ie you are out a lot and will only have one shower a day etc but I think you are really underestimating the impact your presence will have on a family in their home.

I agree that this friend is being really kind but probably also offered to include meals to keep you out of her kitchen!

I hope you can sort something out.

I think this is really cheeky, it’s already really cheap.

Hear you all loud and clear...

Yes I'm very lucky that quite a few family members have offered me accommodation, but in the nicest way possible, I'd rather not live with them unless I absolutely have to.

Some reasons being-

My parents argue constantly and it can be quite a depressing atmosphere at times. They also don't have a fire alarm and haven't had one for around 10 years. My mum leaves the tumble dryer on at night when their in bed and has been known to leave the gas cooker on as well. I have a lot of anxiety around this and have told them they need to get a fire alarm and stop leaving appliances on at night (not only for my safety but theirs as well, but they never listen). My dad also has the TV on really loudly and doesn't go to bed until midnight most nights - the stairs are in the living room so the sound travels so an early night is never possible.

My auntie (very close) but she's a hoarder and also has two dogs which makes things far worse. She's recently moved house and it took us over a week to clear the house and garage. She admitted her that she'd been living in squalor. (She's promised she will keep the next one clean and tidy but we'll see)

I know these might sound like lousy excuses, but they make me very anxious...

As she specifically said that she's calculated the amount to include food, you could ask if it would make a difference if you didn't eat dinner/tea/supper at home... Tbh, I suspect she simply wants to ensure you don't bring non-vegan food into the house and "including meals in the room rent" is a polite way of banning non-vegan food. So, regardless of her response, I'd suggest you eat takeout on the way home each night if her meals bother you that much. You might also want to reiterate that you support her dietary choices, in case it's playing on her mind.

@Bangersandmash5 it sounds like find it hard to live with others. Either continue to live alone or find a flat share/HMO.

I think you either accept the £250 (I think that is very cheap) or not.

I wouldn't haggle with a friend.

Given your update, @Bangersandmash5, I would take up your friend's generous offer and be the best house guest you can.

Eating noodles for a few months shouldn't be too difficult, especially if you treat yourself to lunches that are more to your liking.

I think £250 even excluding food is pretty cheap in most areas, but as others have said if you value the friendship I wouldn't move in. It doesn't sound as if it would work logistically. If you have had loads of other offers I'd consider one of them instead.

Mid next year is quite a long time and a property sales can often overrun. So you could be at your friend's for a long time. It sounds like she's offering a very good deal and you'd be able to save quite a lot of money. It seems churlish of you to ask for a further discount.

If I were you, I'd suggest to her that you won't be eating with them but you'll make sure you don't get in their way in the kitchen. It's then up to them to offer a reduction if she thinks that's fair.

I think staying with family or friends is always fraught with problems. It's best as an emergency stop gap but were talking about montage and months. However you frame it, it's not your home, you're essentially a guest and over time that throws up lots of awkward problems.

It will cost more and perhaps impact how much you can save for a house deposit, but I'd advise renting privately.

What if you met someone who you wanted to invite home occasionally? That would create a whole new set of issues.

I think you're all right, probably best not to have this type of set up with a friend. Although I do agree the price is cheap, she did specifically say that she was only asking for £250 as it included the food. Since the room is very small, I can't even take any of my own furniture with me (only a small chest of drawers as there is already a single bed in there) so will need to pay for a large storage unit. By the time I pay for storage along with rent, food etc etc I won't be saving very much... either way I think one of us will resent the other and it will just ruin the friendship completely...

I think eating with them at weekends - if you're in - to be sociable, but saying you want to make your own meals in the week as you won't make it home for dinner is reasonable.

It's a reasonable request that's about your needs. If your friend has an issue with this, it's red flag territory and probably best not to live with her.

Ignore the people telling you not to live with a friend. I'm sure you know falling out is a risk, but there's also a chance that you become closer.

I've lived with many friends over the years, both in shared houses and I used to rent rooms. Mostly, our friendships have got stronger from living together.

The giving you meals thing might be to do with benefits / tax credits.

There's a difference between someone living with you as a household and living seperately as a lodger, and there's also a difference if you're providing meals. I forget what the implications of the different set ups are, but it may be to do with this.

omg 250 pm, be grateful, eat what you're given, praise it to the skies and then move out as soon as you can.

I'd eat whatever I was given and wash up.

If I was on your friends position the money I want and the offer of good would be two seperate things. If she's willing to accept another person in her home for what is an extended period of time in return for 250, don't assume the food cost is factored into that.
In her shoes the offer of food would be to prevent the situation of 2 people trying to use the same kitchen with that entails of getting under each others feet, extra space needed in the fridge, more pans etc being used... It's a pain. Sharing meals is so much simpler and doing your own meals isn't just a case of saving her a few quid on ingredients.
Either take the deal she's offering or don't do it.