People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

Minimal social media

Not read thread but I feel that it's all about attitude. If you feel life owes you something and that when things aren't perfect it's something to moan about and blame others (or yourself) for then I think you're not going to enjoy life much. My DM just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and was in hospital for 3 weeks. She decided to make the best of it, chatting to the other patients on the ward and helping them with their problems, quietly accepting that it's "her turn to die" and thinking about how to leave things in as good a place as possible for us DC. I think she's happy because she's not angry at not getting something she felt she was entitled to. Maybe there's something in that?

@33goingon64

Not read thread but I feel that it's all about attitude. If you feel life owes you something and that when things aren't perfect it's something to moan about and blame others (or yourself) for then I think you're not going to enjoy life much. My DM just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and was in hospital for 3 weeks. She decided to make the best of it, chatting to the other patients on the ward and helping them with their problems, quietly accepting that it's "her turn to die" and thinking about how to leave things in as good a place as possible for us DC. I think she's happy because she's not angry at not getting something she felt she was entitled to. Maybe there's something in that?

So true.

DH is like this, always positive, loves life, fun to be around, and never takes life to seriously. He had loving parents, who believed in him and gave him the skills to believe he could do whatever he wanted to. He is brave and fearless as a result. I admire his character.

Diazepam washed down with gin.

@Roselilly36

DH is like this, always positive, loves life, fun to be around, and never takes life to seriously. He had loving parents, who believed in him and gave him the skills to believe he could do whatever he wanted to. He is brave and fearless as a result. I admire his character.

That's is lovely! I hope to be that parent.

Don't compare your life with those of others.

Stay off 'social' media.

Get rid of toxic friends and spend time with the good ones.

Eat as well as you can.

Go for a walk, especially when you don't feel like it.

I did a course of CBT for anxiety last year. There were lots of exercises that not only helped my anxiety at the time but also made me more content more generally. One was the obvious making a list of things I was grateful for. It was 1 thing per day during the course and I wrote it on my phone. I still add to it every once in a while but just looking at the list as it is makes me feel better. The other which is probably more for people with anxiety is to keep a list of things I avoided doing that weren't actually that bad. I also have another list of things I love about my DH (he doesn't know) and when I find myself getting annoyed by the little things I look back at it and realise just how lucky I am. He's pretty wonderful but still has his inconsiderate moments. Seeing those annoyances in the grand scheme of our relationship makes them seem so insignificant.

I started practicing gratitude a few years ago and it’s made me much more content. A few times a week I spend a few minutes considering what I have to be grateful for, it really helps me keep life in perspective and maintain some peace.
Other things that make me happy/content, prioritising my family/relationship with my husband. Considering choices in all things, there is always something else you I could be doing, it’s helpful to feel content that I’m making the best choices in a given moment, considering a moment as part of a bigger picture.
I teach which gives me job satisfaction and a different perspective on life.

Trying not to feel guilty, I’m not a martyr, I’ll do things that make me happy, put myself first sometimes.

Spending time outside

Making plans for the future. They might change but I like to have a direction of travel.

No one can be happy all the time, aiming for a sense of contentment is much more sustainable.

For me the breakdown of last relationship did I just realised how many years I had wasted being unhappy, coping, managing, worrying and so on

Don’t get me wrong I’m not immune to them now but I vowed to myself to never waste another day and I try not to and have built myself a good life since

• Wonderful relationship
• Good friends
• Work is fine
• Live somewhere I want
• Reasonably nice home
• Learning to drive and plans for a camper
• Frequent short and inexpensive trips
• Always have something to look forward to
• Lots of hobbies and interests eg. Painting
• Always have a good book/album/series
• Limit social media and comparing yourself
• Decide to become good at things eg. Cooking
• Boundaries, lots of them

To pay for all this I really try to limit my expectations and lifestyle around cost and am quite frugal but in a way that is more fun then depressing.

I get free furniture and up-cycle it, spend an afternoon with friend going to second hand shops and for coffee, travel is back packing or camping and so on

Oh yes and spending time outdoors! Knowing when you need to get out of the house or out of the city

I feel the same , I’m still waiting on finding it .

I don’t care what anyone says - money helps ! As having none spare causes unwanted stress and less choices.

@Lunaticmess

Diazepam washed down with gin.

🤣🤣🤣🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

What makes you so sure they are? A lot of people are just good at putting on a face. You see it on social media all the time, happy family pictures but you know all is not well in the family.
Live/enjoy your life to the best of your ability and forget the preconceived notion of happiness. The only one who can guarantee your happiness is you.

@Bertiebiscuit

I don't understand the question. What's not to enjoy if your health is reasonable, you have food and shelter, life is great - I read, craft, walk, enjoy nature, forage and make preserves, study, listen to drama and podcasts, and cuddle - and sometimes swear at - my curmudgeonly ginger cat - life is sweet, every day a joy, a good dinner, or even a good cup of coffee, seeing a cute squirrel, finding a new walk, listening to birds, feeding the birds...... I'm never bored, never not glad to be alive

When I was in the last of my old life I felt completely hollowed out, I want a person anymore but a shell drained from a mix of my ex, my family, my ‘friends and a decade of work on quite toxic environments. I didn’t have any interests, hobbies even books (ex took all of those) my life revolves around what I suppose to do and terror at the idea of people seeing ‘me’ until there wasn’t a me anymore. Maybe the OP is going through something like this

Anyway I now have a life much more like yours!

@Overtired201984

I feel the same , I’m still waiting on finding it .

I don’t care what anyone says - money helps ! As having none spare causes unwanted stress and less choices.

It certainly does I think it’s very hard to be even just content if you can’t even meet your needs, worry about bills and so on. Let alone happy

But I also don’t think you need so much as some think. I’d say enough + a bit extra

I agree regarding expectations and entitlement being the source of a lot of unhappiness.

My grandparents were both illegitimate at a time when there was a massive social stigma around it. They both lost their mother as children. My grandfather worked in a coal mine from the age of 15 and until they were moved to a new council estate in the 1960s, lived in Victorian slum housing with outside toilets. Despite that, they were happy, funny and great to be around. Whilst it’s obviously not good that there was no route out of that kind of life for them, they were content with what they had.

I don’t really have loads of money and definitely don’t live in a big house..... i think it’s my family and friends bad things do happen to me for example my 8 weeks old baby got meningitis in September and It took time to get over the shock but I would say on the whole I am happy person. X

Almost died, family told I wouldn’t last the night. Still here almost 20 years later, feel incredibly lucky and love every moment of the life I nearly didn’t have.

@BSideBaby

Don't compare your life with those of others.

Stay off 'social' media.

Get rid of toxic friends and spend time with the good ones.

Eat as well as you can.

Go for a walk, especially when you don't feel like it.

What this lady is saying is correct.

I do genuinely love my life I neraly lost it two years ago but ive always generally been a glass half full kind of gal. Im lucky though. I have a good family not too much money but not short of it, a job im happy in, a happy home life. I have never desired stuff or accumulation of wealth, I don't care what people think of my clothes or about me and have a positive outlook. No many friends as I find it too hard work but the ones I do have I love and hold close.

A lot of it comes down to where the stork delivers you, which obviously you have no control over.

I had a happy childhood with loving parents and a sibling I get on really well with. I’ve had opportunities - University, travel, good jobs. I’ve never had any mental health issues and I have good self-esteem.

Because my DF was a good man and provided me with the blueprint of what men should be, I met and married another good man - husband and father.

Many of these things are pure luck - I didn’t earn or deserve them, any more than anyone else didn’t deserve their bad luck.

I lost my beloved parents relatively young, so life has not been without sadness. And there will always be highs and lows to ride through.

But I have a lovely family, DC that I like so much (let alone love to their very bones), and great friends.

There’s always something to look forward to at the weekend - we socialise a lot, and I’m lucky to have married a man who enjoys this as much as I do.

Life is good, I am very content. Touch wood, etc, etc.

I can say I enjoy life and am happy despite having had a relationship breakdown during Covid lockdown, and had to sell up and move to get away from abusive partner. My new life is great , moved to a lovely area, had to renovate my new place and start making new friends. Life is hard but everyday I think how lucky I am and enjoy whatever comes along, walking I find is great therapy and doesn’t cost anything. Far better to do things than sitting around and waiting for life to improve, you have to get up and go.

Taking care of friendships , relationships and a positive outlook

To me your health is a absolutely everything and being here everyday to see my dc smile is the greatest gift. I try not to ever take it for granted.