People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

@Pinkhippotato

I've never read that book, but will look it out, thanks. It was listening to a cosmologist talking the stats that wowed me.

I just really enjoy small things. Genuinely one of my favourite ways to spend time is popping into our local for a couple of hours on a nice day, just me and DP, having a pint of cider and some crisps and just chatting and people watching. Even if something awful is happening in the family or work is shit, it really cheers me up. I’ve been on some fab holidays and to some great places and I still class one night camping in Anglesey with DP as a spontaneous thing as one of the best things I’ve done in ages.

I also see things like going to Home Bargains with my sister and buying a couple of random bits of crap followed by a trip to a coffee shop as a massive treat.

Or literally sitting in the garden reading a good book. I love it as much as an expensive day out.

Maybe this makes me a bit simple but I have a degree and a masters, a good job and am not some sort of sheltered idiot who never goes anywhere. I just like simple things!

I’m pregnant and practically crippled with anxiety at the moment so my usual happy go lucky self has disappeared a little bit. I hope she comes back soon 🥴

No money worries.
Happy grown up kids in stable jobs and relationships.
Nice husband who pulls his weight around the house and has a good job.
A nice house in a nice area.
Having animals that I love.
A job that uses my brain and skills. And helps others.
Family that get on.
Passions for things like art.
I have only managed this in the last few years.
Previous relationships have been awful.
It took me to 55 to get there so bear that in mind.

Meant to add my DP is delighted I am so cheap to entertain. Once on holiday in my 20s he took me to a dog park where people exercised their dogs. We got a can of pop and watched dogs running around from behind the fence and I was overjoyed 😂 he was like I knew you’d like this. Other couple we were with went to do something more exciting and normal as watching dogs enjoy themselves was not their idea of fun. Each to their own but it was free and I liked it 🙈

I know that I'm commenting on this from a very comfortable position - I have a lovely husband, great children and grandchildren and a lovely home. Like everyone else, I have had difficult times in my life and periods of ill health. However, coming from a home with no bible and parents with no faith in anything or anyone greater than themselves, I became a Christian when I was about 16. There's a really old hymn which contains the words 'I trace the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain - that morn shall tearless be'.
Knowing that God loves me, that Jesus lived, died and rose from the dead for me means that I see everything through this prism. It doesn't stop bad things happening or make troubling thoughts disappear but it has changed me and the way I look at things. And it gives me great hope for the future.

I've always suffered from clinical depression but I wouldn't say I'm unhappy. Depression just hits me when I least expect it. Best way to stay happy is to not compare your life with others. Jealousy is a demon, it can destroy people. And everyone has shit in life, no matter how rosy their life looks. Try not care what other people think of you either.. who gives a fuck..its your life! 😃
Find some passions in life that don't have to cost a lot of money. My passions are books, music, food, travel, art.. current passion is decorating.. I search the internet for hours and find unusual things for our house. Even if your passion is watching films snuggled on your couch.. if it makes you happy who cares!
Sometimes things make you unhappy when you don't even realise it.. I was married for 18 years and I wouldn't have thought I was unhappy until the end. We split and I'm now with my new partner who I've been with for 5 years and he is the love of my life. He still makes me light up when he walks in the room, we are genuine best friends, talk several times a day when we're both at work and I fancy him like I never knew was possible! He makes me feel strong and I know he is proud of me which is massive.
Sometimes you have to know when to change life. If you're really unhappy only you have the power to change. Not many people know about my struggles with depression as it's private to me, so most probably think I'm constantly happy, apart from my closest. You just never know other people's stories.

I do think you're either that sort of person or you're not.
I've always been a miserable cow, pessimistic etc. As is my DP.

My brother, however, is always happy, doesn't really complain much, enjoys life and has just married someone similar to himself. They just do what they want, when they want. They book holidays left, right and centre. Always away doing something. Very active which I think helps.

They just seem to have a different mindset. Me and DP are always thinking about money and whether it's worth 'wasting' on all the things my brother and his wife don't think twice about.

Having things to look forward too - but not committing to too much.
Having a support system of friends and family in place.
Giving yourself a free pass to occasionally eat junk and watch shit without feeling guilty.
When life gets tough, busy, stressful - knowing it is temporary and hard work in the present can often lead to better things in the future.
Not taking things to seriously, brushing things off.
Dealing with things when they arise (eg annoying emails) instead of letting them play on your mind all day.
Getting outdoors, exploring new places (walking a new route during lockdown made me just as happy as exploring a foreign city)

Another vote for some people choose to be happy. We had a brush with very serious harm when our oldest son was born. There was a risk neither of us would make it. Since then I have had an acute sense of privilege and I can't allow myself to be negative any more. Even after being up all night with a vomming howling kid (or two or three) every day feels precious.

It drive my husband mad that I don't buddy up with him in the occasional mutual moan, but I just can't. It would be like not appreciating just how lucky we have been and I'm still very afraid underneath of losing it.

Enjoy what you have. Don’t compare. Don’t think about what you don’t have.

This obviously doesn’t work for people in abusive/desperate circumstances. I am talking about those in an average or better situation. It’s only wanting more that leads to dissatisfaction

Knowing that it’s up to me to make choices I am happy with.

Not being with people who don’t enhance my life.

Knowing it’s okay to feel down or anxious.

Knowing that nothing in life is ever permanent. It helps to let things go or be in the moment.

Having hobbies.

Working on personal growth through life goals.

Never dieting.

Knowing social media is marketing. It’s not real. Use it. Don’t be used by it.

Having meaningful work.

Knowing I’m loved and needed. Whether it’s friends or family. Even when they aren’t around to show it.

Knowing actions speak louder than words.

Being kind to others is not a weakness.

Not giving a flying f**k what people think. Dance in the aisles, wear what you want. Be the person you actually are rather than expending energy trying to be someone else. If you hate your job, find another one or retrain to do something you want to do. If you hate it, at least you tried. Don't compare your house, family or income to others. Try to live within your means and don't spend money trying to keep up with others. You don't need a stressful job to earn lots of money if having more time and less stress would make you happier.

I have two mantras at the moment
*be more dog
*be more man
Essentially - do what I want more often and stop giving a shit what other people think of that/you.

Taking pleasure in the now and recognising that all your power is in the ‘now’! The past and future are both viewed in the now … so the Now is all that matters. Once you get this it’s liberating.

I don't have many fun interests. I try to view things in a positive light appreciate the little things but like others I'm stuck in a rut of sameness lately with my half full glass.

I'd say just lower your expectations people!

Unless you're in dire poverty for some reason, just lower what you expect and you'll be fine!

Was thinking about this earlier. Have a friend of a friend who is doing absolutely stellar in her career... I'm doing OK but not at the top or anything. Which isn't surprising, because my priorities are different. I want to be fine at 3.30pm to go get the kids.

There's a lot to be said for being white, healthy and educated. If you're good looking too, it's easier to be happy, I'd say.

If we didn’t have to put up with misogyny and living in a structure that is built for men to succeed, alongside in-equality. Then I’m sure we’d be much happier.

Being in a loving relationship where you are sexually in tune, love sharing the same bed, look forward to doing things together like going on holiday, travelling, socialising and exercising (walking, swimming, tennis, etc.).
Enjoying good health together is wonderful for as long as it lasts, and being financially relaxed, which means having savings and minimal debts and a job or income you are happy with that covers your lifestyle and allows plenty of free time.
If you have kids, may they be happy and healthy and have close friends. Then they will always be more of a joy than a problem.

I think including exercise in my life is important. Running and playing tennis give me seratonin boosts which make me feel proper rushes of happiness. I also give myself big and small things to look forward to so that I always have a feeling of hope. I am lying in bed right now knowing I need to get up and do a three train commute in the cold in a minute, but what I am focusing on is the tv show I am really looking forward to watch on the way there. Having an hour to myself to watch something I love makes me happy, even though the commute really would not without it. Yesterday I also organised lunch with a friend, so I was looking forward to that during the morning at work. Next week I have an operation. I am worried about it, but I am thinking of it as a day off work, somewhere different to go, the chance to be looked after, maybe someone will bring me a meal in bed and also the benefits of being fixed. I suppose I try to see the positives in everything if it is at all possible. I appreciate I am not dealing with anything horrific so am lucky. But my mindset is always set on positive and if my day is particularly tough, I just look forward to the chance to start a new day which I always believe will be better.

"We're not grateful because we're happy. We're happy because we're grateful.” 
- Brother David Stendl-Rast

Prioritise sleep
Family
People who love you
Cut out people who bring you down
Know WHY you do stuff ! Be knowing!
Say thank you. If you are reading this, then really you are privileged.

For me my surroundings make give me inner happiness. I live by the sea surrounded by hills, there is very little noise here, I walk my dog before and after work regardless of the weather and how dark or light it is. When its light I walk to the beach after work and just enjoy it I always paddle in the sea usually in my wellies because its freezing. In the winter in the morning I see the sun rising across the sea and at night I see the moon rising across the sea. The hills around me change constantly, with the seasons I always find a minute to just stop and appreciate it. I see all sorts of wildlife, smell farm animals and cross two burns when I walk the water tumbles over rocks and makes a, lovely noise. Yesterday as I came back in the moonlight I saw a barn owl fly into the barn next to my house I just love to see him. We have little light pollution so I can always see lots of stars.

I cant explain why this brings my happiness but it does.
Aside from this I do live in a lovely house but am not overly wealthy but have enough money I can afford to eat what I want, drive a decent car pay bills etc but I do not have expensive hobbies/tastes and I neither drink or smoke. I also have a lovely family although none live close by.
I have been through some very difficult times but I come back home and walk my dog and somehow its manageable I feel happy.

@IseeScottishhills

For me my surroundings make give me inner happiness. I live by the sea surrounded by hills, there is very little noise here, I walk my dog before and after work regardless of the weather and how dark or light it is. When its light I walk to the beach after work and just enjoy it I always paddle in the sea usually in my wellies because its freezing. In the winter in the morning I see the sun rising across the sea and at night I see the moon rising across the sea. The hills around me change constantly, with the seasons I always find a minute to just stop and appreciate it. I see all sorts of wildlife, smell farm animals and cross two burns when I walk the water tumbles over rocks and makes a, lovely noise. Yesterday as I came back in the moonlight I saw a barn owl fly into the barn next to my house I just love to see him. We have little light pollution so I can always see lots of stars. I cant explain why this brings my happiness but it does. Aside from this I do live in a lovely house but am not overly wealthy but have enough money I can afford to eat what I want, drive a decent car pay bills etc but I do not have expensive hobbies/tastes and I neither drink or smoke. I also have a lovely family although none live close by. I have been through some very difficult times but I come back home and walk my dog and somehow its manageable I feel happy.

Please do PM me with where you live! I’m moving there!! I agree, environment is so important. I’ve ended up living in completely the wrong environment for me due to a series of complex circumstances. It really doesn’t suit me at all. I try to adapt, but I need to be in the sort of environment you describe to be happy. I don’t want material things, just enough to meet my immediate needs, run a car and have holidays from time to time. But living in a city is making me miserable.

Money !!

*"I don’t want material things, just enough to meet my immediate needs, run a car and have holidays from time to time. But living in a city is making me miserable."8
I used to live in a city I hated every moment of it, I was trying t work out where to go on holiday next summer (in fairness I have travelled extensively in the past) but I keep thinking nothing can beat where I live now except maybe Rome of course that is a city an no one inn their right mind would go there in the summer . So I think why go anywhere just stay here.