If I'd known how hard conceiving can be I'd have started younger

[conceptionisdraining]

I feel like society/people/medics act like you have sex once and bang, you're pregnant.

I know this can and does happen, but it's just not the reality for most people - especially not me!

Actually getting pregnant can take time, then with miscarriages along the way it's ridiculous. It's been two years now since the journey started I'm 35 and planned to have a baby by now but not even pregnant.

Am I unreasonable to think there could perhaps but a little more factual education for women which in turn would probably save a lot of funding that goes towards IVF and other treatment.

Me and DH never ever had unprotected sex until TTC as I thought I would fall and have a baby right away, had I have known what I do I probably would have been a little more relaxed about unprotected sex a few years earlier.

TTC is quite possibly the most boring, emotionally draining thing I've ever done.

And i don't think teenage girls need to be told that they might expect "a long heartbreaking journey to conceive". In fact I think that could be a very dangerous thing to teach

Completely agree

My first boyfriend was an older man. He explained how statistically unlikely it was that I would get pregnant without contraception. That's how I became a Mum at the age of 18.

I suppose we are hyper fertile as teenagers and then it drops away and drops away as the years go by. And the media sends these messages that you can make lifestyle changes at any point, want a baby at 45? Why not?

But it's also tricky because most people start trying when they feel able. So do you wait until you're perfectly ready at 38, or do you throw a bomb into the centre of your life at 23?

I think we’ve been sold this big lie that we are in control of our fertility. It’s great that we can use contraception now, and have a better (or do we?) understanding of conception, but actually, maybe we’re not as in control as we think. There’s so much focus on the ‘perfect’ time to get pregnant, but contraception fails, fertility is complex and not everything happens immediately. Maybe we should be teaching people that we can plan for the future, but understand that we can’t control nature as much as we think and we should give ourselves our best chances of family, even if that’s means trying early and letting go of the idea of perfect timing.

I completely agree OP.

I do think that in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs, particularly in young people, the actual mechanics of getting pregnant are not dwelled upon in schools/Sex Ed anywhere - not in terms of how to get pregnant, obviously (!), but the fact that it's actually only physically possible a couple of days each month.

If I had been more aware of this I would definitely have come off my pill sooner as I've now been TTC for several months.

@user0176

We don't need to let teens know about pregnancy but must educate adults on miscarriage? We can literally do both

I don't understand what you're saying here in response to what I wrote? I didn't say anywhere teenagers don't need to know about pregnancy, quite the opposite and I don't particularly think adults need education on miscarriage in this day in age. Awareness is quite high, I think, and whilst it should increase I don't think it needs to come from any kind of formal education, we just need to be able to talk about it more openly.

You don't think it needs to be another thing for schools to teach, you said.

I mean, it's hardly an entire subject. No reason why schools shouldn't continue to teach it? Sex does equal baby for teenagers and much as I love my LO, silence been nice to have a proper sex Ed. Parents cannot be relied on.

But at 38 you still have a roughly 82% chance of conceiving naturally within 1 year.

Your first boyfriend was a manipulative liar.

That was in reply to @gatorademebitch, quote failed to link.

Firstly I am sorry you are having such a tough time ATM .The problem is that Govt want to educate youngsters about NOT getting pregnant! Message well and truly recieved .But many women in their 20s or early 30s are busy building Careers and travelling and so on.Optimum age for getting pregnant is apparently 24 ! But how many women can possibly be ready at that age.As others have said just try and relax(easy to say I know) Maybe have a break in the New Year with your partner ,have lots of sex! Statisically you still have time on your side .

@Cyw2018

But at 38 you still have a roughly 82% chance of conceiving naturally within 1 year.

Your first boyfriend was a manipulative liar.

This is what's reported on the NHS that's correct. However what's not reported and widely understood (which was thoroughly explained to me by my fertility doctor) is that the egg quality really deteriorates in your 39s (in particular mid to late 30s onwards) and the rate of miscarriages increases. There is currently no test that can check the quality of your eggs.

@rarge I said miscarriages and statistics around that don't need to be taught to teenagers, it isn't useful for them and if anything waters down the vital message of contraception if they feel a full term pregnancy isn't a likelihood. Of course sex education in itself is vital for teenagers.

I’m very sorry that you’re struggling, but YABU.

It’s pretty common knowledge that TTC is easier the younger you are, and that women’s fertility is already declining a lot by 35. It’s mentioned in the media and other outlets often enough.

I disagree. I'm 35 and was taught at school about contraceptives and fertility. I then grew up and sought out information for myself which every women should do. It is readily available and almost everyone has access to the Internet nowadays. At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and can't expect to be spoon-fed. Fertility is greater in your 20s than 30s and of course will vary from woman to woman. For my sister it took 18 months to conceive her son, for me it was a lot sooner. I didn't read up on ovulation etc because I fell pregnant within a month each time, people often seek out information when they aren't conceiving as quickly as they would hope. She knows a lot more about opks and used forums to discuss her struggle as that was relevant to her. For me missing the pill just once resulted in my son.

[quote user0176]@rarge I said miscarriages and statistics around that don't need to be taught to teenagers, it isn't useful for them and if anything waters down the vital message of contraception if they feel a full term pregnancy isn't a likelihood. Of course sex education in itself is vital for teenagers.

[/quote]
Oh I see I think we agree then? Sorry, maybe I should've read that better @user0176

I would think that it's pretty well known that getting pregnant can take time & find it quite odd that anyone would think it would happen straight away.

@rarge yes I think we do

@Nomoreusernames1244

Didn’t you wonder why it’s a “thing” to announce a pregnancy after the 12 week scan? And why m/w care doesn’t really start until after that?

Have you never seen all the opk’s and fertility indicator things in pharmacies? Wondered why they’d be needed if it was a case of bang and pregnant?

Honestly I thought the 12 week announcement was a bit of BS, why I announced after five weeks I just thought odds were low that it'll be fine!

The sticks etc everyone I know just seemed to fall pregnant we are talking over 10 close friends and family none seemed to struggle so no, I might be naive but I didn't realise it was difficult for so many people.

And also (in my defence!) it did happen for me first time the second month of trying! And the second time of trying the third month so I don't seem to have an issue getting pregnant, it's keeping them lol

In society’s view there is an absurdly narrow timeframe in which women should get everything done. Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. And then somehow, between the ages of say 30-35, you should find a partner, get married, have a child. The idea that everything will come together in those years for every woman is ridiculous.

@Lucidas

In society’s view there is an absurdly narrow timeframe in which women should get everything done. Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. And then somehow, between the ages of say 30-35, you should find a partner, get married, have a child. The idea that everything will come together in those years for every woman is ridiculous.

Precisely, exactly this. It's too much pressure. Also society has changed and the expectation now for women to be more than housewives is making the whole process very difficult - building solid career AND family is just not doable in many cases from what I see of society.

In society’s view there is an absurdly narrow timeframe in which women should get everything done. Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. And then somehow, between the ages of say 30-35, you should find a partner, get married, have a child. The idea that everything will come together in those years for every woman is ridiculous

You are so right I was once having dinner with a colleague's wife who said to be "I was very late having my babies (they had 4), turns out she was 33 with their 1st. I was considered absurdly young at 28. Lots of comments about how I was sacrificing my freedom ( what freedom was that then?). The window is ridiculously narrow.

I had someone tell me that when I was 30 I had missed my chance to have children as over 30 is far too old. She didn't know I had been trying for years with exdh.

@Lucidas

In society’s view there is an absurdly narrow timeframe in which women should get everything done. Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. And then somehow, between the ages of say 30-35, you should find a partner, get married, have a child. The idea that everything will come together in those years for every woman is ridiculous.

For better or for worse, this is very much a middle-class view. There will be many people who would prefer to have had all their dc by 30.

Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. Not necessarily, building a career is manageable with a DC travelling not so much, basically we can't have it all, certain things take priority over others.
Very few had their first DC in their 30's in past generations, we've been conditioned in these times into thinking everything is possible, travelling, fun, career, motherhood, whereas in reality it is rare.

@EmeraldShamrock

Your twenties are apparently for travelling/having fun/building your career. Not necessarily, building a career is manageable with a DC travelling not so much, basically we can't have it all, certain things take priority over others. Very few had their first DC in their 30's in past generations, we've been conditioned in these times into thinking everything is possible, travelling, fun, career, motherhood, whereas in reality it is rare.

Blame things like the book "Superwoman" by Shirley Conran

I understand regret about delaying TTC but don't forget there are reasons, it's sensible to be financially stable first and that is harder than ever for people in their 20s.
in middle class circles, it's not been normal to have kids in your 20s for a long time. With DC1 I was the youngest in my NCT antenatal group, age 26- and that was over 20 years ago. XDH and I were in love, married young and just wanted to be together and have babies-but our peer group were very different.
Without a doubt having DC early massively disrupted my career as when they were young there was no career progression for part-timers.
I was also the youngest mum in the playground and had nothing in common with the others. So there's downsides either way..