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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
nettie434 · 22/11/2021 20:41

The comments about the OP's drinking and damage to the Airbnb place are ridiculous. If the friends were worried about this, they shouldn't invited her back. As the OP says, she could have got a taxi home from the city centre easily.

So the OP fell asleep. If the friends did not want the OP to sleep on the sofa, then it was their responsibility to make sure she got home safely. As well as the risk of her being attacked, she could have fallen or had an accident. I would actually have expected more understanding about risk and safety from two gay men than from two straight men.

The OP's friend clearly wants to keep the friendship going. His partner clearly doesn't. In the OP's position, I'd just carry on seeing the friend but not have anything to do with his partner.

Rheia1983 · 22/11/2021 20:44

With a "friend" like that OP, who needs enemies? Listen to your anger, it's telling you just how badly you have been treated.

fatchilli123 · 22/11/2021 20:47

I know several men who have been raped . In my eyes it us no different to being a woman and in a vunerable position . I am female and have male friends who have told me some really hair raising shit but won't report because people think they should look after themselves as they are male, we have to all change our attitude . Vunerable women or men are vunerable and 2am whoever you are is a really bad time to he alone walking home . Been there done that and people think I am scarey ... I was bricking it .

fatchilli123 · 22/11/2021 20:51

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that . That is no friend

unname · 22/11/2021 21:02

How old are these people? And how many times did they ask you to leave? I don't think I could get over this either.

unname · 22/11/2021 21:04

This is confusing:

He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour.

Can you clarify? He called and was rude while requesting a taxi? Or called back because it was taking too long?

LittleDandelionClock · 22/11/2021 21:06

@hoodvic4

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.
No. This is bollox. I would tell this 'friend' to fuck right off. Pushing you out into the night to walk 3 miles at 2am. WTAF? Confused It was zero degrees C last night too! Utterly shameful behaviour from your 'friend.' No way would I continue this friendship. I could never move on from this. Nope.
TheOrigRights · 22/11/2021 21:06

@AntiHop

I think if you are drinking so much that you're falling asleep on someone else's sofa after a night out, you need to reassess how much you drink.

You're friend was very rude, and wouldn't be welcome at my house again. I'm guessing his partner wanted a shag.

For goodness sake, I would probably fall asleep on a good friend's sofa after a lovely night out if I'd had no more than a blackcurrant and soda! I'm presuming it was late ie bed time.

Have you never been in a relaxed social situation where someone's nodded off?

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 22/11/2021 21:06

@unname

How old are these people? And how many times did they ask you to leave? I don't think I could get over this either.
Me and friend both 30, partner is 39.
OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 22/11/2021 21:07

OP, YANBU.
Friends do not turf each other out onto the street late at night to walk home alone.
That's not a bad judgement call, it's appalling behaviour.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 22/11/2021 21:08

@unname

This is confusing:

He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour.

Can you clarify? He called and was rude while requesting a taxi? Or called back because it was taking too long?

So he woke me up and said I'm phoning a taxi, he then phoned the taxi and the operator said it would be over an hour and he just hung up. The operator then phoned him back and said you hung up, do you still need a taxi? And he said oh piss off and hung up on her again as he was trying to phone other taxis. I then proceeded to call other taxi firms but they were all saying over an hour.
OP posts:
rrhuth · 22/11/2021 21:11

I'd be pretty angry about this, they really are not good friends.

I would maybe rethink seeing them again, tbh.

PooWillyNameChange · 22/11/2021 21:19

I'm baffled at the posters implying the OP was far too drunk because she fell asleep at 1.30. Struggling to stay awake now and I haven't touched a drop.

I think it's odd behaviour, OP. I would never chuck someone out if they fell asleep even if I was secretly seething that I'd have to do unanticipated socialising in the morning. They shouldn't have invited you back in the first place!

storminateacupagain · 22/11/2021 21:22

i think your friend comes over worse than his partner
He didnt have the balls to stand up for you= leaving a woman to walk home alone , in the current climate is beyond forgivable
he knows he is totally in the wrong despite trying to blame everyone being drunk!! he has asked can we move past this
big fat NO from me- he is not a friend - he put you at risk of potential harm

Vapeyvapevape · 22/11/2021 21:26

A real friend would have covered you with a blanket and left you to sleep.
Unforgivable of him to allow you to walk home.

NotExactlyOptimistic · 22/11/2021 21:26

@Brownpigeon

The people that criticise the op "getting so drunk she fell asleep on the sofa". Bore off. I can do the same after half a glass of wine. Doesn't mean she was steaming.
Right. And who gives a fuck if she was! 🙄
NotExactlyOptimistic · 22/11/2021 21:30

My friend got smashed in my flat once and fell asleep. I threw a blanket over her, left her a glass of water and a note on the table saying don't worry when you wake up I've phoned your husband he knows where you are and it's all good. We had a good laugh about it the next day! Honestly some people on here are so fucking uptight.

manandworld · 22/11/2021 21:38

This person is a nice person and don`t EVER go and see them again

babyshark71 · 22/11/2021 22:39

So he woke me up and said I'm phoning a taxi, he then phoned the taxi and the operator said it would be over an hour and he just hung up. The operator then phoned him back and said you hung up, do you still need a taxi? And he said oh piss off and hung up on her again as he was trying to phone other taxis. I then proceeded to call other taxi firms but they were all saying over an hour.

And he made you leave knowing that you wouldn't be getting a taxi? Also, how drunk was your friend and his partner?

Dibbydoos · 22/11/2021 22:40

I'd be funking livid if this happened to me! Some friend....

user1490954378 · 22/11/2021 22:41

Sounds like his partner might have got arsey about you being drunk on the sofa maybe. Your friend should have let you stay until the morning though. He didn't care about your safety which should have been the priority. But then he was drunk too? So maybe it clouded his judgement on the situation. Probably best to just move on and not end up in the same situation again.

Quartz2208 · 22/11/2021 22:42

And they wouldnt let you stay the hour for a taxi.

I think you need space as well from this friendship to process what happened and time away fro him staying and running him places

AlbertBridge · 22/11/2021 22:47

Your friend is either bullied by (and scared of) his partner. Or he really doesn't want to piss off a millionaire.

Either way, your feelings and safety are not as important to your friend as their partner's money happiness. You'll always be second best to that wallet, sadly.

yphtutor · 22/11/2021 23:09

Totally agree with name change again. Get rid

fargo123 · 23/11/2021 00:12

He'd be my ex friend by now. But it's not too late - just block him now. He showed you that he's not a real friend by kicking you at 2am, so blocking him would simply be formalising the end of what he started.