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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/11/2021 19:19

This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

It IS a big deal.

It is a VERY big deal.

He threw you out in the early ours of the morning - you were very vulnerable and anything could have happened.

Block him - don't even answer his messages. The next time he wants somewhere to crash, or a lift, or a meal, or a sympathetic ear - tell him to f*ck off!

flashy44 · 22/11/2021 19:20

@hoodvic4

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

Wtf?i wouldnt put a cat out at 2am let alone a person whatever their gender.Truly not the deeds of a friend,rethink this friendship please
WaltzingBetty · 22/11/2021 19:21

@hoodvic4

His partner is actually a journalist as well so absolutely knows about the stories in the news recently and the dangers of lone women.
Irrelevant. It was your friend that made the decision. You're mad at the wrong person
SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/11/2021 19:22

@hoodvic4

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.
Flannel!

He realises he's shot himswelf in the foot as regards taking advantage of your hospitality in future - stand firm. NEVER let him stay with you again.

If possible, throw him out in the early hours of the morning to walk three miles home.

Chickychickydodah · 22/11/2021 19:23

I would not forgive him for that. Ditch him now. Hes not a true friend

Whycantibeapuppy · 22/11/2021 19:28

Any man that kicks a woman out to find her own way gone at 2am is a despicable human. He is absolutely 1000% in the wrong.

Nowomenaroundeh · 22/11/2021 19:28

Your anger is absolutely warranted OP.

A friend falling asleep on the couch might be a tiny PITA but I would never have woken you up and demanded you leave. It is disgusting behaviour andpotentially put you in serious danger. His apology minimised everything and put the onus on you to get over it.

silkience · 22/11/2021 19:31

But did the partner know that? If you broke or damaged anything in the air bnb they would be liable and would also have a bad rating on airbnb which might affect future bookings

A lot of whatiffery bollocks @Platax. She didn't break anything! Your post and your replies are the most pompous sanctimonious sounding bollocks on this thread and there's plenty to choose from

Tigger1895 · 22/11/2021 19:37

You are hurt and I can see why. Sounds like he’s in a controlling relationship and your friend isn’t the controlling one. Keep in touch with him because the partners may be trying to separate him from friends. I’d actually try to make more of an effort to see the friend, if he’s distancing himself from you then you’d know for sure but just keep trying to keep in touch

AuntEater · 22/11/2021 19:37

He is not your friend.

wellstopdoingitthen · 22/11/2021 19:39

@silkience

But did the partner know that? If you broke or damaged anything in the air bnb they would be liable and would also have a bad rating on airbnb which might affect future bookings

A lot of whatiffery bollocks @Platax. She didn't break anything! Your post and your replies are the most pompous sanctimonious sounding bollocks on this thread and there's plenty to choose from

I agree. What a load of nonsense.

JustLyra · 22/11/2021 19:40

Irrelevant.
It was your friend that made the decision.
You're mad at the wrong person

Not remotely irrelevant.
Two men made the decision that they were ok making a lone woman walk home at that time.
Perfectly understandable to be mad at them both. Madder at the friend for sure, but mad at them both.

The boyfriend shouldn’t get a free pass for his actions.

Mumontour85 · 22/11/2021 19:42

As ever, astounded and saddened by the number of people that have such a bizarre view of the world and think this was an ok way to treat a friend!

OP and her friend have the type of friendship where crashing on each others sofas is normal. They went on a night out, back to friends house/ airbnb/ whatever(!), and OP dozes off.
She is then rudely and suddenly awoken and thrust out into the cold to walk home.

Friend says this is because his partner wanted the place to themselves. To sleep. To be unconscious........

I feel that all of you commenting that OP was U have never had this kind of amazing best friendship or a night of drinking where you get warm and snuggled and you doze off! I'm sorry for you, you're missing out - they're the best and that's why OP is so hurt!

Your friend was a massive AH and his partner sounds like an absolute tool.

I'm sorry you were treated this way and that it has affected your 15 yr friendship. I hope you can move past it and rebuild what's been broken!

Elle8344 · 22/11/2021 19:45

Sounds his partner is jealous & was putting pressure on your friend to get rid of you. You're friend has...

  1. let a woman walk home on her own at 2 in thr morning,
  2. not even waited to at least see you get into a cab,
3.not even bothered to check if you got home safely. I wouldn't even do that to someone I didn't know!!! That's a shitty friend. End of.
JennyForeigner · 22/11/2021 19:51

Not from sexually-motivated male violence they aren't. Read your crime stats before 'not all men'-ing a thread about the OP's justified concern about a specific risk.

JennyForeigner · 22/11/2021 20:05

^ Quote tweet fail

onshawa · 22/11/2021 20:12

You were treated terribly Flowers

Comments about your drinking here are ridicilous. I have been on countless nights out where someone has fallen asleep.

Sounds like your friend is highly influenced by his partner and his partner sounds pretty callous. I wonder if the partner wanted you out because they were expecting another visitor. Whatever it was, it was more important to them than your safety.

FrankiPanki · 22/11/2021 20:20

This is not friendship. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour. Outrageous. Dump him.

Vynalbob · 22/11/2021 20:21

He is in the wrong, if there was a problem it should have been aired a lot earlier or not at all. 💯%

onshawa · 22/11/2021 20:25

*ridiculous

Perime · 22/11/2021 20:27

Not a friend

Twinklemacfinkle · 22/11/2021 20:29

Oh ffs lots of posters need to get a grip on life. You just don't act that way to a friend or even a partners friend. My DHs friend was so drunk one night he vomited over the floor on the way to the toilet and then all over the toilet floor. I was tipsy and Between us we cleaned up, gave him a blanket and left him to sleep. My DH also called his friends pare ts to let them know he was staying over. Me and my DH then went on to have sex. In a seperate room away from his friend.
Other friends have fallen asleep on my sofa at all times of day and night and I let them sleep for the most part. If I need them to go home I make sure they get home safely.
It is common decency no matter what gender or circumstances.

icelolly99 · 22/11/2021 20:30

Why didn't they stay with you this time? Or does your 'friend' only stay with you without partner? Whatever the reason I'm shocked they let you leave...

CatChant · 22/11/2021 20:37

Unforgivable behaviour. Dump the pair of them.

Bertiebiscuit · 22/11/2021 20:37

Why are you friends with this abusive man? He is selfish, uncaring and put you in danger - kick him to the kerb, you need a better friend, someone who actually gives a damn about you

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