AIBU that it bothers me how much he spends at Christmas?

[GrownUPChicken]

My husband spends what I feel is a stupid amount of money at Christmas on his children.

AIBU that it bothers me? I gave up a long time ago contributing much at all to their Christmas presents because it's just ridiculous imo and I don't want to spend my money on it.

It just bugs me every year when be starts mentioning everything he's going to buy but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable because obviously he can spend "his" money on what be likes.

We have sort of joint finances but still have our own accounts.

He typically spends his entire works bonus on Christmas presents for the children and I'm left spending mine on everyone else's / taking on more of the shopping etc to cover it.

@Coronawireless

why will the older children be gone soon True. I guess I just meant they might be away over Christmas when they’ve left home. But you’re right, they’ll still get gifts. Unless OP tries to put a stop to that.

I see you’re still ignoring the question of do you think it’s acceptable for him to spend nothing on his youngest child.

I’m sure if OP asked him he would put money towards the younger child. If not, that would be unreasonable.
The rest of it…not so much.

@Coronawireless

I’m sure if OP asked him he would put money towards the younger child. If not, that would be unreasonable. The rest of it…not so much.

You haven't even read OP's update posts have you?

@Coronawireless

I’m sure if OP asked him he would put money towards the younger child. If not, that would be unreasonable. The rest of it…not so much.

Have you even bothered to read the OP’s posts?

Yes I have read all the posts. She wants him to spend the same amount on a small child as the older ones. Not reasonable. Nowhere does it say that despite being asked he refuses to spend ANYTHING on the younger child.

@Coronawireless

Yes I have read all the posts. She wants him to spend the same amount on a small child as the older ones. Not reasonable. Nowhere does it say that despite being asked he refuses to spend ANYTHING on the younger child.

She actually specifically said she didn't expect him to spend the same amount on their child, so perhaps you haven't read the thread as thoroughly as you think you have.

The situation is obvious - he spends all his money on just his own kids then expects OP to cover the rest. That isn't "refusing" to buy for the younger child, but essentially it is that, by default, because he physically has no money left and is expecting OP to sort it. Likewise with Christmas food - I've spent the same amount on Christmas Dinner as I normally would on a week's shop before, why are you pretending to be ignorant of how much it costs? Your bias is incredibly obvious here and it's really showing in the amount of things you are glossing over to push your own narrative.

@Coronawireless

Yes I have read all the posts. She wants him to spend the same amount on a small child as the older ones. Not reasonable. Nowhere does it say that despite being asked he refuses to spend ANYTHING on the younger child.

Nobody could have read the posts & still be so wrong on so many counts @Coronawireless. What are you getting out of being so obtuse & contrary about the OP?

She doesn't want him to spend the same on DC3.
He does spend NOTHING on DC3.
He also spends nothing on his own family's presents, & xmas food & drink shopping.
After he's bought the expensive DC 1 & 2 presents, he asks OP "how much money have you got" because he's now expecting her to fill the gap he's left in his finances by funding everything else that's needed that month.

HTH

Lots of controlling DWs on here. Can’t believe so many people think OP is being reasonable, telling her DP how much he’s allowed to spend on his children, trying to make him spend money on other things of HER choice that she wants but he doesn’t. If he contributes towards the younger DC that is all that should be expected.

trying to make him spend money on other things of HER choice that she wants but he doesn’t

What - like the groceries for december, the xmas booze, & his own family's presents, which she says they would be hurt not to receive, so she feels she has to both buy & pay for them?

If there's control going on here, it's all from him.
Strategic financial & administrative 'incompetence', to force his wife to buy the things he wants to be bought but doesn't want to shop for or pay for.

@ChargingBuck

trying to make him spend money on other things of HER choice that she wants but he doesn’t

What - like the groceries for december, the xmas booze, & his own family's presents, which she says they would be hurt not to receive, so she feels she has to both buy & pay for them?

If there's control going on here, it's all from him.
Strategic financial & administrative 'incompetence', to force his wife to buy the things he wants to be bought but doesn't want to shop for or pay for.

But he’s not forcing her is he? It’s all her choice.

His choice is to spend on his older DC.

@Coronawireless

Lots of controlling DWs on here. Can’t believe so many people think OP is being reasonable, telling her DP how much he’s allowed to spend on his children, trying to make him spend money on other things of HER choice that she wants but he doesn’t. If he contributes towards the younger DC that is all that should be expected.

Of FGS Corona, you can't believe it because you are choosing to wilfully misread both OPs posts and the comments from others to fit a made up story in your head.

Nobody is saying OP should control what he spends on his kids, they are saying HE should obviously, of his own volition, be budgeting to include his third child, and his fair share of the wider family presents and Christmas shopping, as well as his older kids.

Are you really so obtuse that you need OP to have tested out just not bothering buying the younger child or his family any presents, and not buying any extra food shopping for Christmas, to see if he really wants those things? It's fairly obvious that he wants and expects those things to be bought, OP said that he asks her what money she has left, expecting her to spend it on these things.

Your entire argument is based on the weird assumption that he, for totally legitimate reasons, doesn't want anything to be bought for anyone other than his older kids at Christmas, thereby making it completely fine that he spends all his available money on just then. It's a ridiculous argument, of course he expects the other things to be bought by OP.

But he’s not forcing her is he? It’s all her choice.

I've addressed posts directly to the OP about this whole forced choice nonsense @Coronawireless, suggest you look for them if you can be arsed. I certainly can't be arsed to do it for you, as you're only looking to pick holes & don't have anything constructive to offer OP.

He should pay half of all Christmas expenses plus his own kid's presents. He needs to make it stretch. In terms of spending on the children, I don't think it's unreasonable to spend 600 on one child. I would. Christmas is a time for spoiling. But he should only do it if he can cover the other bills too.

Women make such a huge, massive deal out of how stressful and expensive Christmas is and how their OH never does enough to help.
Newsflash ladies - many men, if not most ime, are not that interested in Christmas. Women bring ALL of this upon themselves. Do if if you really want to - but don’t force people who aren’t interested to get as involved as you. Your circus, your monkeys. And if it stresses you so much - just don’t do it at all. Or if you have children to please, keep it low-key and focused on them.
I am female by the way.

Women make such a huge, massive deal out of how stressful and expensive Christmas is and how their OH never does enough to help. do I? Or am I not a woman? Hmm.

Yes I am a woman. And no I don't make a massive deal about how stressful and expensive Christmas is.

Yes, many women do. Clearly not all, as I don’t, and I’m a woman. But Jeez, the constant moaning every year, and it’s always women who do it, as if someone is forcing them to spend massive amounts. No one is, and usually it’s them forcing it upon others.

@Coronawireless

Yes, many women do. Clearly not all, as I don’t, and I’m a woman. But Jeez, the constant moaning every year, and it’s always women who do it, as if someone is forcing them to spend massive amounts. No one is, and usually it’s them forcing it upon others.

I don't think I've heard any of my female friends moan about it. We all love it.

Great but this is OP’s thread and she has moaned that her OH won’t contribute to a huge Christmas.

And lots of posters have agreed that her OH is unreasonable.

@Coronawireless

Women make such a huge, massive deal out of how stressful and expensive Christmas is and how their OH never does enough to help. Newsflash ladies - many men, if not most ime, are not that interested in Christmas. Women bring ALL of this upon themselves. Do if if you really want to - but don’t force people who aren’t interested to get as involved as you. Your circus, your monkeys. And if it stresses you so much - just don’t do it at all. Or if you have children to please, keep it low-key and focused on them. I am female by the way.

What is your excuse for her "bringing it on herself" when it comes to buying ANYTHING for their shared child, then? Should she just stop doing that, is it fine for them to get nothing?

I think this outlook is really disingenuous. It's possible that OP is buying MORE than her husband would be interested in buying for his family and for the food shop. But it's highly unlikely that he would be happy for NOTHING to be bought for either of those, and totally wrong for him to be happy for nothing to be bought for his youngest child.

I think if he was only being asked to contribute to some gifts for his young DC he would be happy do do this.

@Coronawireless

I think if he was only being asked to contribute to some gifts for his young DC he would be happy do do this.

How on Earth do you know that?

More importantly, why hasn't he thought to do this himself?

I don’t know it. I said “I think”.