Is boastful behaviour/showing off always a sign of insecurity/low self-esteem?

[flashbac]

I seem to come across alot of boastful behaviour (either that or I am on high alert for it). Sometimes full on showing off and more often the stealth boast.
I tend to get very annoyed and impatient with people who do this (which is why I'm not on FB) but it helps me to know its often a sign of low self-worth.
But is it? Or are people just more accustomed to boasting because of the society we now live in?

I guess it depends what they're saying/doing. I think in the UK people can be very against people saying anything good that's happened to people/their kids/ their OH's which could also be down to low self esteem on their part ie hearing about others good fortune makes them feel worse about themselves so they don't want to hear it. Often these people are the same ones who like to boast about their own stuff though.
So I'd judge it like this : If they 'boast' but are also pleased for others when good things happen to them then that's probably not low self esteem. If they boast and don't want to hear about the good things in anyone else's life then that's probably low self esteem.

No I don't think all boasting is always a sign of low self esteem, to me it's the same thing as when people say 'all bullies are cowards '. Some people boast because they genuinely feel they are better than others and they love themselves to bits!
Some people are bullies because they enjoy it and feel like strong people and love to show it.
See also 'what goes around comes around ' not always no.

I think some people who boast just have a lack of social skills/social awareness or maybe empathy for those around them.

Depends on the situation.

• New parents about their PFB - quite normal
• Colleague about work - desperate for approval

My ex used to boast.

It was because he grew up with nothing and was proud to be able to buy things now.

I found it cringe.

It depends what you mean by boasting.

Saying you're proud of yourself for accomplishing certain things isn't what I would call boasting, necessarily.

There's an acquaintance I follow on Instagram. She is so incredibly boastful, especially about her rich husband and what he buys for her (Porsche, Rolex) etc and yesterday she was showing off her beauty advent Calendar that costs an eye watering £215!!!! I don't know why she feels the need to constantly boast, I see it as complete showing off. Very irritating.

My friend has recently started to become quite arrogant and boastful. She has had to work on herself and her confidence for years (very traumatised childhood and survivor of domestic violence) and in many ways she is inspirational. She's obviously very happy with herself which is great but it's tipping into arrogance which is quite repellent.

I have friends who brag about their kids.
I might add these friends have had no great careers of their own.
It comes from insecurity and ignorance, the need to mask some perceived failing.

@gianthaystacks2021 I know many people who boast about their kids. Some have 'great careers' some less so (Although who is judging what a great career is?). They boast because they are proud of them. And that's it....no failing on their part.

People boast for lots of reasons. If they are just showing you something nice occasionally then OK. If they are being arrogant and trying to say they have better than you then it isn't pleasant to be around.

Generally, yes but certain friends probably think I’m boastful because I’ve started boasting more about my life. They were long term friends who just couldn’t see me for who I am now and kept making little put downs about how I liked a drink etc. They didn’t notice I’d changed because I wasn’t bragging on social media. I don’t brag on SM now but I do tell them things loudly and proudly and won’t shrink into a corner like I used to. I love hearing other peoples news though and celebrating with them.

I think there are different types. Some who absolutely define themselves by whatever it is they are boasting about and it can definitely become quite nasty.

However I've also seen it the other way around that natural joyful celebration about something well done is accused of being boasting by bitter nasty people who just want to cut someone down.

I sort of think the difference is often whether the boasting seeks to put anyone else down and how often it is. If the boasting translates to how much better than everyone else they are , then no its horrible. Even when it's done in a faux gratitude way. However I do think if you are just showing pride or happiness with something we should be doing that, we should celebrate ourselves.

Like most things sometimes people are unpleasant and sometimes they are decent ...same applies it is about how you say it.

I do hate the silly cringe responses though , I mean honestly that's quite tall poppie esque. Either someone is being arrogant or they aren't no need for silly cringing, if adults seriously get second hand embarrassment that's more indicative of their own lack of self esteem.

I think the whole culture of social media - Facebook, etc - makes people feel that they need to post whatever vaguely interesting thing happens to them, just to ‘keep up.’ I’m not on any of it, but you do hear of people who, every time they get a gift or whatever, or their kids do something they are proud of, they post it on social media as a default behaviour. It does seem like boasting, but I’m not sure it comes from insecurity - more that they just perceive it as communication and ‘keeping up’ their online profile. It’s odd because British people tend to play themselves down in public, but on SM it’s the opposite!

Not necessarily-they could have a lack of social awareness or could just be a dick!

I call it ‘levelling’
There are 2 types of it, they try to bring others down or bring themselves up.
The boasting person is trying to bring themselves up to your level by boasting and blowing their own trumpet.
I would take it as a compliment, but would also think they had self esteem issues and avoid them. I don’t like being around people like that because it can be contagious.

All the best.

I think some children boast because their parents over inflate their egos.

Probably. It can be very unpleasant though, if someone does it to someone they know is not doing as well in that area. Eg, saying to someone you know is a low earner that you earn loadsa money.

Although, sometimes that sort of thing bothers me less than someone saying "oh woe is me...I only make enough to scrape by" when I know they make significantly more than I do!

I do find some social situations very irksome when you have a total competitive boaster. I avoid the main culprits at parties!

Friday Night Dinner clip: Sheila and her Mercedes!

For sure the 'one-upmanship' which is often at the heart of boasting is yucky.

But if we're simply talking about being honest about our strengths and celebrating achievement (in ourself and others) that can be a really cultural thing.

The uk, Northern Europe and many Asian cultures tends to greatly discourage expressing your own self confidence and achievements (especially in women). The USA and many African cultures for example will celebrate abilities and achievements much more explicitly, and 'display' of wealth etc is much more part of the culture.

My partner is From an African country and I am British. I was out with him the other night in the uk and someone asked 'oh you're a singer?' And he answered 'yes I'm a fantastic singer'. Now he is - he regularly performs and has an album, but if you were British you'd have to be a total nob to say that. He is totally not a nob! I've had to give him lessons in 'British style false modesty'! 😁

I find it more interesting to wonder why it irritates you.

When I was first on the interclackers way back in 1998 I was on a group that would regularly get threads of people talking about how clever they are (hey, it was 1998. the web was full of intelligent hyperfocussed intellectual introverts with ASD, ADHD and PDA). Despite everyone's best intentions for it to be a supportive discussion, it would invariably get snippy as people started to feel personally denigrated by someone else's statistics on age of reading, number of As at o-level, early preference for Bach and so forth.

I learnt a lot about myself from that group.

I think talking about your achievements is different to competitive boasting... the latter gets old quickly.

The former is usually great, as long as you're not being blatantly insensitive (eg friend says they've suffered recurrent miscarriages and you turn round and say "I never have a problem getting pregnant and having babies" or something).

Not really sure, but I know social media has made things a whole lot worse.

I used to post a lot on social media about how good my life was and about the things I had (new phones, cars, work done to the house etc) but I was deeply, deeply unhappy dealing with anxiety and depression at the time. Looking back, I'm not even sure if I was trying to convince other people I was happy, or just trying to convince myself.

It's certainly not always the case, but there are definitely lots of people who try so hard to make out they're okay, it can come across as boasting.

In fairness, it rather depends on what you see as boasting. For some people saying that you’re off to XYZ is factual, for others it’s boasting. It’s part of the reason people who refer to skiing on here caveat it with it’s their only holiday in ten years / they manage to do it absurdly cheap - anything to avoid being thought a boaster.

It’s lack of self awareness. Some of the most (over) confident people I know boast on a regular basis, definitely no self esteem issues there, just lacking social grace 🤷🏻‍♀️