Is boastful behaviour/showing off always a sign of insecurity/low self-esteem?

[flashbac]

I seem to come across alot of boastful behaviour (either that or I am on high alert for it). Sometimes full on showing off and more often the stealth boast.
I tend to get very annoyed and impatient with people who do this (which is why I'm not on FB) but it helps me to know its often a sign of low self-worth.
But is it? Or are people just more accustomed to boasting because of the society we now live in?

Fabulous but I bet that no one else thinks that . That’s the thing about social skills.

A lot of people think that about DD. Sometimes more than me because they don't see the crappy/annoying/hard to deal with side. Is "boasting"ok if you're just retelling what other people said?

@ldontWanna

Most people that moan about boasting are judging themselves by other people's haves. Which is why it grates so much.

People genuinely happy and content with their lives don't give a shit at worst, or are happy for other people to be happy/have good times too at best.

I have to agree with this. I genuinely like seeing my friends/family enjoying themselves and doing lovely things via their social media. It makes me happy and pleased for them. I don't assume they've posted a photo of a sunny family picnic (or whatever) in a sad attempt to validate themselves or rub my nose in it. I just scroll through it and think they're having a, you know, sunny family picnic.

@3scape

Noone is allowed to be proud. Tall poppy syndrome.

Absolutely this. I'm probably biased because I've been living in the US for 8 years, but I love seeing my friends happy and thriving.

I remember when I was growing up, I was never allowed to be proud of myself and it was shit. My parents just put me down all the time.

I know a few people who are constantly posting selfies on Facebook.
They are all female who are either single or in very dicey relationships.They do it to boost their self esteem, which they usually get from all the likes and complimentary comments.
They do not mean any harm, just in need of a bit praise from someone on their appearance.

@Alicesays

I actually think that people who are insecure interpret certain behaviours in others as showing off or boasting, when actually the person is just talking about something they are proud of. It's interesting!

I don’t think so at all. Most people are really happy for genuine achievements and overcoming life struggles. I love that my friends post this.

What I don’t like is the serial boasting bore who seems to have some warped view of her dc/Dh/house/car and thinks that anyone who doesn’t want the weekly updates is ‘jealous’.

I dont think being proud of something is the same as boasting though.

I mean why would you post photos of your car unless you are deeply insecure? I am not jealous, I have an expensive car but I would not post it or imagine that anyone would be interested in my car.

[quote Curtaintassels]@Bluntness100 I do, nothing you can say about that to change my mind I am afraid. The person I am thinking of on my social media is constantly telling us how beautiful and clever her daughters are. How hot her husband is. Multiple artful photos of wealth signifiers, it’s just embarrassing.

I have no need to say anything about my dc, I don’t need to post my car, house etc on social media. Because I don’t need validation from other people.[/quote]
Ok fair enough, I don’t know anyone who does that to be honest. All my friends I know their financial status approximately. Generally my friends and acquaintances post pics of their kids or mainly their social activities. I will see occasional posts after exam time but it’s few and far between. No wealth signifiers really.

I think sometimes people follow or are friends with people they dislike. I don’t do this,

I like hearing about people’s achievements and good fortune. I also think the American culture of believing in oneself is so healthy in terms of developing good self esteem. I really dislike accusations of boasting as it comes across as chippy, mean spirited and negative. Why not just be happy if friends are rejoicing in their luck. Everyone experiences ups and downs. If someone is in a good patch, good for them.

What I don’t like is the serial boasting bore who seems to have some warped view of her dc/Dh/house/car and thinks that anyone who doesn’t want the weekly updates is ‘jealous’.

Why would you have the bore as a friend or on your FB feed then?

That's what I don't get. All these artificial relationships for the sake of what? You obviously don't like the bore, she bores you, you have different values and you're judging her/her relationships. So why?

But why is it warped to think your children are fabulous? Why is it warped to post photos of yourself doing something lovely, or that you really enjoy?

It depends on the nature of the posts. Over time I have noticed a strong correlation between those I know who like to post endless perfect family, perfect house #blessed type posts and the reality being quite the opposite. It's almost like they are overcompensating to keep up some kind of pretence of everything being wonderful, which is quite sad really.

My cousin loves a stealth brag, I've not unfollowed as she's family & young. She'll mature at some point.

@peaceanddove

But why is it warped to think your children are fabulous? Why is it warped to post photos of yourself doing something lovely, or that you really enjoy?

I honestly feel sorry for someone who is constantly posting on social media about how wonderful their dc are. Because you can bet your life that no one else thinks that. I am happy for my friends who post occasionally about their dc exam results or who have disabilities and overcoming events in life that would be easy to other people.

If you are posting photos of your car or weekly posts about how beautiful your dc are then I think you have issues.

No one does that who is content with their life.
Trying to turn it around to me being jealous is just another reflection of insecurity.

@SilverGlitterBaubles

It depends on the nature of the posts. Over time I have noticed a strong correlation between those I know who like to post endless perfect family, perfect house #blessed type posts and the reality being quite the opposite. It's almost like they are overcompensating to keep up some kind of pretence of everything being wonderful, which is quite sad really.

This exactly.

@ldontWanna

What I don’t like is the serial boasting bore who seems to have some warped view of her dc/Dh/house/car and thinks that anyone who doesn’t want the weekly updates is ‘jealous’.

Why would you have the bore as a friend or on your FB feed then?

That's what I don't get. All these artificial relationships for the sake of what? You obviously don't like the bore, she bores you, you have different values and you're judging her/her relationships. So why?

Well, yes quite. I happen to genuinely like the friends/family I have on Facebook. There's only about 50 people on mine and I like/love them all.

Why on Earth would you bother following or stalking people that you obviously really dislike and resent. Why waste your time and your life doing that. Have people on your Facebook that make you happy and bring positives into your life.

Also, I don't think simply talking/posting about good/nice things is boasting. Most people I know strike a natural and healthy balance between yaaay holiday and ffs this sucks. Extremes of either (or any) kind aren't good or healthy but that's a completely different discussion.

I mean is anyone here going to admit to posting photos of a car? I would love to know why you do it. It’s not the achievement of a child.
It’s an embarrassing attempt to show off.

If you are posting photos of your car or weekly posts about how beautiful your dc are then I think you have issues

Yes, absolutely. My issue is that I truly think they're beautiful. Having grown up with a Mum who couldn't even bring herself to tell me I looked nice on my wedding day, I swore I would never be like that with my own DDs.

To be fair, I don't get the car photos either but then I'm not that into cars. But my brother is a devoted car fan, always has been, and often posts photos of his cars and other beautiful cars he spots. I look be his enthusiasm for them.

Ilove his enthusiasm for them x

That's what I don't get. All these artificial relationships for the sake of what? You obviously don't like the bore, she bores you, you have different values and you're judging her/her relationships. So why?

Yes I don’t understand this, for example the op doesn’t wish to see someone from school on hols. Well neither do I, so I don’t follow people I’m not friendly with,

The other thing is clear is people follow or are friends with people they dislike intently and so sneer at their posts and put them down.

Which is different to the ops issue, she doesn’t wish to see people doing certain social things, it does smack of envy, she even says it helps her to think these people have low self worth. Why would you possibly be helped by thinking that of someone? It’s awful

A colleague likes to boast about how much money he spends on his wife's birthday and Christmas gifts, it's all luxury brands and meals in the top restaurants. To the outside world it appears they live a wonderful life but they are constantly arguing and have a turbulent and what seems to me like an unhappy relationship. It's very bizarre

Yes, absolutely. My issue is that I truly think they're beautiful. Having grown up with a Mum who couldn't even bring herself to tell me I looked nice on my wedding day, I swore I would never be like that with my own DDs.

But why does that need to be a "public" declaration? I get praising your children for things if you never received praise but is the praise somehow better if it's on a post as opposed to in person?

@lawnotorder

Yes, absolutely. My issue is that I truly think they're beautiful. Having grown up with a Mum who couldn't even bring herself to tell me I looked nice on my wedding day, I swore I would never be like that with my own DDs.

But why does that need to be a "public" declaration? I get praising your children for things if you never received praise but is the praise somehow better if it's on a post as opposed to in person?

I don't actually know which is better? But I do also tell them in person though (probably too often)