Is boastful behaviour/showing off always a sign of insecurity/low self-esteem?

[flashbac]

I seem to come across alot of boastful behaviour (either that or I am on high alert for it). Sometimes full on showing off and more often the stealth boast.
I tend to get very annoyed and impatient with people who do this (which is why I'm not on FB) but it helps me to know its often a sign of low self-worth.
But is it? Or are people just more accustomed to boasting because of the society we now live in?

@DarlingFell

It’s lack of self awareness. Some of the most (over) confident people I know boast on a regular basis, definitely no self esteem issues there, just lacking social grace 🤷🏻‍♀️

High confidence doesn't always mean high self esteem. Some people are good at faking. I would argue that the louder you have to shout about how you or your life if the less secure you are feeling about yourself.

The fact you have come off social media because of this makes me think you have a bit of a thing about it and go too far the opposite way in assuming people are being big headed whenever they share positive news.

Depends. You don't always know the person's history/where they come from. My experience is that there is a lot of internalised misogyny from women. The immediate reaction is "she's so vain, shallow, boastful", when in fact it may have taken years for that person to reach a healthy level of self-love, or their ultimate goal, or to regain confidence after an abusive relationship.

@lollipoprainbow

There's an acquaintance I follow on Instagram. She is so incredibly boastful, especially about her rich husband and what he buys for her (Porsche, Rolex) etc and yesterday she was showing off her beauty advent Calendar that costs an eye watering £215!!!! I don't know why she feels the need to constantly boast, I see it as complete showing off. Very irritating.

Why do you follow her if you are so annoyed by her ? Not having a go just wondering.

@ILoveHuskies I don't know to be honest ! I know I should just unfollow her but I feel compelled to see what her latest boast is silly I know !!

@CalamariGames

The fact you have come off social media because of this makes me think you have a bit of a thing about it and go too far the opposite way in assuming people are being big headed whenever they share positive news.

I just found it really boring. I don't wanna know what the girl in my class 20 years ago is having for dinner in some overpriced place in Dubai.

[quote lollipoprainbow]@ILoveHuskies I don't know to be honest ! I know I should just unfollow her but I feel compelled to see what her latest boast is silly I know !! [/quote]
Haha tbh I do kind of get what you mean.

The type I see made more sense to me once I started viewing it as a status game. People perceive there to be status in their job, their home, the length of their marriage, the fact they have a personal trainer or an expensive gym membership. They’re hoping to relieve their status anxiety by making sure we all know about their acquisitions and achievements.

This is a really interesting thread

I do think social media makes it easier for people to show off, possessions, holidays, achievements etc

But then at the same time if people are genuinely my friends I feel happy for them if they're doing well etc.

It can definitely be a cultural thing.

High confidence doesn't always mean high self esteem.

I agree, confidence and self esteem are different things. People with low self esteem can be quite confident in certain ways and situations,

I think it's just the SM thing. When I was younger it was bad to brag or boast etc but I think SM had removed those negative connections.

Although thinking about it people still don't like it in real life.

I think it's also cultural.. I'm Canadian and we generally tend to be straightforward... If I'm happy about something, I say I'm happy about it ("I got a new job this week! So happy!") And if I'm not happy, I would also say it ("My rent is going up, booo"). We wear our hearts on our sleeves. But I do sometimes feel that this type of attitude isn't always seen well in the UK, as it could be "boasting" (re: good things). I just want to be authentic about what's happening in my life, and if someone can't be happy for me/rolls their eyes that it's boasting, then I don't really have time for their mind games.

I don't think anyone would say it's boastful to be happy about getting a new job though.

Everyone should feel free to share their happiness really. If you follow them (aside from the well known hate-like follow) you ought to be happy for them whether that be their child’s success or new job etc. However clearly there is a balance to be struck between sharing good fortune vs bragging. And clearly in the real world, a lot of people will post to instil envy in others. Some people find that the thought of competing with others (who aren’t even in the race) buoys them on. It’s probably down to personality type.

I have noticed that it depends on whether you genuinely like the person posting as to whether you think it’s a nice or irritating post.

The woman that I follow seems tone deaf I wonder if she realises just how braggy she sounds. Her friends seem to lap up her posts and compliment her all the way, I do wonder if secretly they think she's a cocky cow!

I have noticed that it depends on whether you genuinely like the person posting as to whether you think it’s a nice or irritating post

@Boobicoosg this is so true ^

@MizzFizz

I think it's also cultural.. I'm Canadian and we generally tend to be straightforward... If I'm happy about something, I say I'm happy about it ("I got a new job this week! So happy!") And if I'm not happy, I would also say it ("My rent is going up, booo"). We wear our hearts on our sleeves. But I do sometimes feel that this type of attitude isn't always seen well in the UK, as it could be "boasting" (re: good things). I just want to be authentic about what's happening in my life, and if someone can't be happy for me/rolls their eyes that it's boasting, then I don't really have time for their mind games.

I'm British and I totally agree with this. It sounds much more healthy and it must be bliss living in a place where most people think like that. The very idea of labelling something "boasting" is laden with bitterness. It's as unhealthy as the British "stiff upper lip" aka burying your emotions.

@ILoveHuskies

I have noticed that it depends on whether you genuinely like the person posting as to whether you think it’s a nice or irritating post

@Boobicoosg this is so true ^

Also totally agree with this. Why would anyone be annoyed by someone they like sharing good news? Unless it is actually the irritated person who is suffering low self-esteem.

Also, in an individual conversation people are mindful of the other person's sensitivities if they know about them. Whereas people can't be expected to not post a general post on social media if a single person in their friends list may be struggling with that issue e.g. you can't post news of a new baby as someone who may or may not even see it is struggling with infertility. I think perhaps some of the resentment comes from people not grasping consciously that social media posts are general and not directed at them personally in the way that a direct comment in a personal conversation is.

I've particularly noticed that in things like facebook groups, where people take general comments that are not about them very personally, because it's in a group. But a group of even 50-100 people is nothing like a one-to-one conversation so different social norms apply.

A friend of mine commented the other day that a mutual friend is "boastful". I was astonished. She is a cheerful and happy woman. She is very positive in her outlook, quite glass half full. The first friends examples of her boasting were situations where she had simply been open about good things in her life - a DC getting the uni place they dreamed of, a lucky windfall on an investment coming good.

I don't regard these as boasting and find it annoying when people act doom and gloom about everything when they have in fact got much to be grateful for.

Actually that's just made me think that there is a weird cognitive dissonance between the whole "stiff upper lip" thing and British people in reality having very thin skins and taking many straightforward things as some kind of veiled personal slight, then just silently seething with rage and pretending they don't care. 🤣 Things are far better when people are open and direct rather than looking for subtext which in many cases - if you are speaking with somebody direct - simply isn't there. So people end up offended/ annoyed by their own perception of something as a personal put down when there was actually nothing to indicate it was anything or the sort.

OK, so things are getting a bit lost on the meaning of 'boastful'. What I'm getting at is not when people share good news like getting a new job. It's when people say things like:
"Oh, that reminds me of when I went to the Maldives" in response to something completely unrelated to the Maldives.
Or
"I don't need to work you know, my husband has loads of properties"

Surely that depends on context though? For some (very lucky!) people going to the Maldives may not be a big deal so they might not perceive it as boastful. Or maybe the fact they were not in the UK was relevant to the thing being discussed even if the original post wasn't about the Maldives specifically but about a holiday somewhere else. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Etc.

@BraveGoldie

For sure the 'one-upmanship' which is often at the heart of boasting is yucky.

But if we're simply talking about being honest about our strengths and celebrating achievement (in ourself and others) that can be a really cultural thing.

The uk, Northern Europe and many Asian cultures tends to greatly discourage expressing your own self confidence and achievements (especially in women). The USA and many African cultures for example will celebrate abilities and achievements much more explicitly, and 'display' of wealth etc is much more part of the culture.

My partner is From an African country and I am British. I was out with him the other night in the uk and someone asked 'oh you're a singer?' And he answered 'yes I'm a fantastic singer'. Now he is - he regularly performs and has an album, but if you were British you'd have to be a total nob to say that. He is totally not a nob! I've had to give him lessons in 'British style false modesty'! 😁

This is what I was going to say— the appearance of modesty is strongly cultural and gendered, and one society’s ‘boastfulness’ is another’s positive celebration of a strength or achievement.

I’m from an intensely self-deprecating culture, and was brought up by a mother who was mortified by her children’s achievements in case it looked like ‘we were getting above ourselves’ (I once overheard a neighbour tell my mother she must be very proud I won a big postgraduate scholarship, and my mother laughed and said ‘Oh, Furze is too lazy to get a actual job, so she just stays on at university!’) so I had to consciously work on not automatically putting myself down in adulthood. Especially in cultures where there isn’t such a fetishisation of ‘modesty’ and ‘not getting too big for your boots’.

The stuff you read about on here, though — people banging on about their cars etc — is pretty tedious, though.