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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is boastful behaviour/showing off always a sign of insecurity/low self-esteem?

166 replies

flashbac · 20/11/2021 08:38

I seem to come across alot of boastful behaviour (either that or I am on high alert for it). Sometimes full on showing off and more often the stealth boast.
I tend to get very annoyed and impatient with people who do this (which is why I'm not on FB) but it helps me to know its often a sign of low self-worth.
But is it? Or are people just more accustomed to boasting because of the society we now live in?

OP posts:
flashbac · 22/11/2021 06:00

@lawnotorder

Is the thread only about boasting & bragging on SM or in general. I assumed it was a general thing.
I was talking more about general conversational bragging. Slipping in things into a conversation in order to show off. I'm not talking about people who are genuinely happy about having a baby or passing a driving test (although context is important). I also think social media has made people more braggy.
OP posts:
TammyTwoSwanson · 22/11/2021 06:56

I don't think boasting is always a sign of low self esteem, but often it is.

It really depends on context: what is their intention for "boasting" - people always want to communicate something or want a certain type of response when they seemingly boast. If you know the person, you can figure it out for yourself - some people may be seeking validation, some want to be happy and excited and want people to be happy and excited with them (we are social animals and all that). But I think the subjectivity of the "boastee" - the person boasted to, matters as well. For example, my aunt has seriously low self esteem, thinks self esteem in anyone else is a major character flaw (is Irish!) so any time anyone says anything vaguely positive or factual on social media, all it does is remind her of what she doesn't have and she thinks they're boasting, full of themselves, "they think they're better than everyone else" etc etc. I'm always amazed when she shares these opinions with me, because I genuinely don't see what she does. Maybe someone posted a picture of a holiday, I'd be thinking "wow that place is gorgeous, I want to go there someday" and she'd think "they think just because they can afford a cabin in Svalbard for two weeks and speak Norwegian that they're better than me!" 🤷

Some people do come across as lacking in social skills and desperately seeking validation from others, and I always feel a bit bad for those people. They don't do it because they're happy with decent self esteem! So it's always a bit sad. I have one friend who messages me and asks me to like her newest Facebook profile photo because she wants as many likes as possible for her selfie. She always tries to hard to appear perfect, but her actual life compared to what she shows on social media, is a complete sham.

Also, I think like others have said, it's a way to share status - particularly those who started off with a low perceived status - that they're catching up or keeping up with the Joneses.

I "boast" occasionally on social media, but there's always a good reason (for me) and it is never about validation! Not in recent years anyway (maybe when I was younger or less secure it was!). For example, when my ds worked really hard for his exams, I wanted him to know how proud I was and what a huge deal it was, so I put a post on Instagram. Was it cringey? Maybe a bit, but he was chuffed. Did I think he was better than any other kid who did their exams? No! But he has ASD and ADHD so the revising was an achievement for him. Did I want responses from family and friends saying well done, that he's a great kid and I should be proud? Yes, absolutely! Grin

MRex · 22/11/2021 07:11

Your perception of a stealth boast might just be affected by your own insecurities. I recall knowing someone who said people were boasting for talking about houmous. To most people, it's just food! Likewise for people who travel a lot, mentioning the Maldives or skiing is not much different than talking about Brighton or swimming.

Some people will boast due to insecurity, some because they're American, some because they're happy about something good. Doesn't matter really, tune out if you're bored.

WholeClassKeptIn · 22/11/2021 07:31

Some people do it because they kust like talking about themselves/their children and aren't really interested in others.

Or the mum who hasnt yet realised most other people feel the same way about theur aazing" children

ThousandsOfTulips · 22/11/2021 13:29

[quote ILoveHuskies]@ThousandsOfTulips I agree with you and others who've said similar - I was being sarcastic [/quote]
Oh sorry! I am autistic so these things often go over my head. 🤣

ILoveHuskies · 22/11/2021 13:35

@ThousandsOfTulips aww no worries at all !! I sometimes find it hard to read sarcasm too etc if it is words on a screen

ThousandsOfTulips · 22/11/2021 13:44

Mumsnet can be really strange so it's often hard to tell if something is satire or serious! 🤣

ILoveHuskies · 22/11/2021 15:13

Haha so true 😂😂😂😫

chocolatecronetta · 22/11/2021 16:55

I love these threads, you can spot the posters of old who never change, the Farrow and Balls of yesteryear. Grin

ILoveHuskies · 22/11/2021 17:30

@chocolatecronetta

I love these threads, you can spot the posters of old who never change, the Farrow and Balls of yesteryear. Grin
😂
MissAmbrosia · 22/11/2021 19:33

People who feel the need to show off about how much money they have and material possessions - houses, clothes, cars etc surely must be a sign of low self esteem and/or vanity or a complete lack of social awareness. There is no excuse for it really - I find it totally crass. Everyone's kids are lovely and fascinating but generally only to you. Fair enough to mention it if they passed their driving test/got into Oxford/saved a drowning person or something. I have a friend who is always posting about how lovely and gorgeous her husband is. In reality he is an obese drunk. People only tolerate him so as not to upset her. I think she only puts up with him because he's a high earner and she is worried to leave. It's really very sad but you'd never think it from FB where all is golden.

chocolatecronetta · 22/11/2021 21:38

Who was the poster who went on and on about her Brilliant Brainy Daughters who swanned into Grammar school as if they'd always been there while fluttering their Bluebell eyes and flicking their hair.
One was destined for Oxford to read Maths and the other was the Frida Kahlo of the village and was going to The Slade.

She'd always plop it onto threads where some poor Mother was struggling to get her kids to do their homework and lay it on how she never had a problem with her girls doing theirs.

That poster, iirc, got banned in the end but I forget her name.

ThousandsOfTulips · 22/11/2021 21:42

That sounds like a troll though. Not a friend someone would have on their provate social media!

ILoveHuskies · 22/11/2021 21:52

@chocolatecronetta

Who was the poster who went on and on about her Brilliant Brainy Daughters who swanned into Grammar school as if they'd always been there while fluttering their Bluebell eyes and flicking their hair. One was destined for Oxford to read Maths and the other was the Frida Kahlo of the village and was going to The Slade.

She'd always plop it onto threads where some poor Mother was struggling to get her kids to do their homework and lay it on how she never had a problem with her girls doing theirs.

That poster, iirc, got banned in the end but I forget her name.

Haha I know who you mean I don't know if I'm allowed to say their username though

I think she got busted anyway for massively exaggerating her life

chocolatecronetta · 22/11/2021 21:57

ILoveHuskies

I know too really but I'll be excommunicated from here if I say Her Name and to be honest I'm rarely here these days anyway, I only pop in for a quick gander now.
It was just this is the very sort of thread that was bound to flush her out if she's managed to evade the scrutiny of Justine's interns. Wink

ILoveHuskies · 23/11/2021 08:19

@chocolatecronetta

ILoveHuskies

I know too really but I'll be excommunicated from here if I say Her Name and to be honest I'm rarely here these days anyway, I only pop in for a quick gander now.
It was just this is the very sort of thread that was bound to flush her out if she's managed to evade the scrutiny of Justine's interns. Wink

Ha ha definitely 😬
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