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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger touching baby's face

223 replies

videovixen · 19/11/2021 19:49

I was on a packed bus today and saw a man standing near the doors who kept looking at my baby in her pushchair. When people got off of the bus he came and stood near the pushchair. He took out his headphones and said 'how old is she?' and smiled. I said '6 months' he said 'aw she reminds me of my granddaughter.' I just smiled and nodded my head. He started waving to my daughter and kept on saying hi. He then stroked/touched her hand to get her attention whilst say hi. I said 'don't touch her please' and he replied 'oh yeah of course, Covid and that.'
I just got a wipe out and wiped her hand to clean it.

I'm all for people being polite to my daughter and trying to get her attention. On the same bus, a woman sitting next to me was waving to my daughter whilst saying hi to her. Of course I have no problem with this.

But a stranger touching my baby whether it's on her hand or her face, what's that all about?Confused I would never touch a baby I didn't know on their hand (or anywhere else) especially a baby I've just come across on the bus.
If a stranger came up to me making conversation, they wouldn't touch me on my hand (unless they're a creep) so why do it to a baby? I was so confused for the rest of the bus journey and both my mum and DP were somewhat shocked when I told them too.

I've seen similar threads on this recently and people tend to say the OP is overreacting. If you think I'm being unreasonable, can you explain why you think it's okay for a complete stranger to put their hands on a baby they don't know at all?

OP posts:
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 19/11/2021 22:48

@trappedbylife

There was a thread a few weeks ago about children in public and how they shouldn't approach other adults who are out in restaurants or cafes for example trying to enjoy their peace - I mean, it was even suggested that it was irritating for a random child to be in one's "peripheral vision" (much to my bemusement and amusement).

Now we have a thread where there is suggestion that it's absolutely fine for random adults to poke and prod at your child.

I can't keep up. Grin

Nobody is talking about poking and prodding though.
Mossstitch · 19/11/2021 22:50

I'm torn with this one because I'm drawn to babies/toddlers and they always smile at me in supermarket queues sat in the trollies, I long to touch them but never would. My firstborn got gastroenteritis at 8 weeks, he was totally breastfed so the only way he could of got this is from someone touching his hand with their dirty fingers and him putting his hand to his mouth. I still couldn't have been nasty to the elderly gentleman that did in fact touch his hand and put £2 in it (apparently an old fashioned way of wishing them good luck in life). Babies give such joy to more people than their parents😍

trappedbylife · 19/11/2021 22:51

@BlaBlaSmthSmth

I know, that's my own phrase. I just find the double standard amusing.

To be honest, prodding, poking, stroking, I don't care really - just don't touch my child, please. In any way whatsoever. Grin

SmellyOldOwls · 19/11/2021 22:51

'I knew AIBU is full of loonies but bloody he'll'

You've found your people then Wine

trappedbylife · 19/11/2021 22:53

@Mossstitch

I'm torn with this one because I'm drawn to babies/toddlers and they always smile at me in supermarket queues sat in the trollies, I long to touch them but never would. My firstborn got gastroenteritis at 8 weeks, he was totally breastfed so the only way he could of got this is from someone touching his hand with their dirty fingers and him putting his hand to his mouth. I still couldn't have been nasty to the elderly gentleman that did in fact touch his hand and put £2 in it (apparently an old fashioned way of wishing them good luck in life). Babies give such joy to more people than their parents😍

I agree - I get a lot of joy from other babies and young children too. They genuinely make me smile. I show this by smiling back, perhaps interacting with them briefly. My tone and facial expressions convey the affection I feel. I don't need to physically touch another person's child to show this and I never would want to.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 19/11/2021 22:54

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@ParkheadParadise

Was this during a pandemic after 18 months of being told to socially distance or risk
Death?[/quote]
A baby on a bus is FAR more likely to get an airborne virus breathing on a bus, than by one person touching her.

& the whole 'she has a right not to be touched' then she also has a right to enjoy human contact?

FGS

mummabear20202022 · 19/11/2021 22:57

It's a no from me too OP!! Absolutely would've done the same thing, heckles would've been up 🤣

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 19/11/2021 22:58

[quote trappedbylife]@BlaBlaSmthSmth

I know, that's my own phrase. I just find the double standard amusing.

To be honest, prodding, poking, stroking, I don't care really - just don't touch my child, please. In any way whatsoever. Grin[/quote]
I don't think the people complaining about children being in their peripheral vision are the same ones who feel positive about other people showing affection to their baby though.

My personal opinion is that some level of physical contact is a normal occurrence and just a part of every day life.

saraclara · 19/11/2021 23:11

Realistically, even us mothers don't touch our own kids as much when they're adults as when they were babies! So the 'you don't touch adults so why would you touch babies' thing doesn't really hold water!

If I touched my kids now in the same way I did when they were six months old, it would be as weird AF!

Briarshollow · 19/11/2021 23:16

Did you enjoy the hoohah around the identical thread yesterday, OP, and want a bit of attention for yourself? Jeeeeeeesus. Confused

Udouhun · 19/11/2021 23:45

Oh give over and get a grip Confused He only touched her hand, he didn't drag her through dog shite. When she goes to school she'll have kids pawing her who've had their filthy hands in all kinds of places. Get on this fucking planet.

PinkSyCo · 19/11/2021 23:55

You were so confused for the rest of the bus journey? Really? I wouldn’t have given such an insignificant incident a second thought after it had happened, and certainly wouldn’t be telling family or Mumsnet members about it, because I would have forgotten all about it by the time I got home. Do you not get out much OP?

shas19 · 20/11/2021 00:20

Yanbu. I'm the exact same. There is literally no need to touch, its not a petting zoo ffs.

welshladywhois40 · 20/11/2021 00:21

I get it. No need.

Similar but back in March when covid numbers were still high, I used to go to the supermarket with my tiny baby (6 weeks ish) in a carrier close to my chest so should be well away from people and I vividly remember this woman getting close and almost trying to stroke his cheek before turning away.

There is no need and people can keep there distance and still interact

saraclara · 20/11/2021 00:32

There's also no 'need' to be nice and kind, and show interest in your baby. Yet people are nice and kind and friendly anyway.

I actually loved that bit of being a mum. I was very introverted and a bit socially rubbish. But these interactions with strangers who appreciated and complimented my baby, brought me out of myself and made me feel good about the world.

I hate to think of people like that being told off for it.

AudacityBaby · 20/11/2021 00:36

Let’s make a pact. I will happily forego the opportunity to touch strangers’ babies and in return their parents must stop them from touching me when they become toddlers.

Deal?

sarah13xx · 20/11/2021 00:38

No you’re definitely not being unreasonable. I would never think it was acceptable due to the current situation to even go closer to someone with a baby, never mind touch them. We were at a wedding recently with our 2 month old at the time, a woman who I didn’t know came and sat beside me to speak to the baby. I did the polite laughing at first but she just continually spoke to him for like an awkwardly long length of time. She then kept putting her finger out and rubbing his face with it 🤦🏼‍♀️ Because she was some loose relative of my cousin (who was getting married) I felt I really couldn’t say anything but I totally should have. The more people that pull people up for this, the more the word will get out that you can’t just go about touching people’s babies. Don’t even get me started on kissing, a family member came to see our baby as a newborn and kissed him. It’s way too late by the time someone’s actually leaning down to kiss them to say anything and once it’s done there’s little you can do so I just had to rant to my husband after he left about why he hadn’t very clearly specified the rules to his family members before they came. I shared a post on Facebook about the RSV virus and not kissing babies about the following day so I think he will have got the message 🙈

gofg · 20/11/2021 00:53

People have always touched babies, and there is nothing wrong with it. If it gives someone pleasure where is the harm? What do you think is actually going to happen?

I was so confused for the rest of the bus journey

For crying out loud!!!

Staryflight445 · 20/11/2021 01:11

I had so much of this when my son was little he started to become extremely frightened of strangers, one women even kissed his hand once. I feel so bad for not sticking up for him and asking people to just get out of his face/leave him alone.
Even when he started to cry/ show visible signs of discomfort people often didn’t get the hint and just used to continue ‘awww are you shy’ etc etc.

I know babies are adorable but it really isn’t on. We wouldn’t put up with this behaviour as adults off other adults, it really isn’t ok to do it to babies. He still isn’t keen on strangers now at 4.

I’m due my third and will happily say to people- thank you for being kind but please leave my child alone.

elenacampana · 20/11/2021 01:17

I haven’t even left the hospital with my baby yet and I really couldn’t care less if a friendly stranger touches her hand. I certainly wouldn’t get a wipe out, what a rude and horrible thing to do.

People are so joyless and superior sometimes, it’s sad.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 20/11/2021 06:06

@AudacityBaby

You’re a grown adult and In control of your behaviour and understand social situations unlike toddlers

Original poster
videovixen · 20/11/2021 07:47

@gofg If it gives someone pleasure where is the harm?

So I should let someone do something I'm not comfortable with because it gives them pleasure? What a strange way to think.
Sorry I'm not a people pleaser like you

OP posts:
Original poster
videovixen · 20/11/2021 07:50

@PinkSyCo

You were so confused for the rest of the bus journey? Really? I wouldn’t have given such an insignificant incident a second thought after it had happened, and certainly wouldn’t be telling family or Mumsnet members about it, because I would have forgotten all about it by the time I got home. Do you not get out much OP?
We're clearly not the same person luv
OP posts:
Original poster
videovixen · 20/11/2021 07:51

@saraclara

There's also no 'need' to be nice and kind, and show interest in your baby. Yet people are nice and kind and friendly anyway.

I actually loved that bit of being a mum. I was very introverted and a bit socially rubbish. But these interactions with strangers who appreciated and complimented my baby, brought me out of myself and made me feel good about the world.

I hate to think of people like that being told off for it.

That's honestly great for you
OP posts:
saraclara · 20/11/2021 07:52

He stroked the back of her hand. What's to be confused about?