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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger touching baby's face

223 replies

videovixen · 19/11/2021 19:49

I was on a packed bus today and saw a man standing near the doors who kept looking at my baby in her pushchair. When people got off of the bus he came and stood near the pushchair. He took out his headphones and said 'how old is she?' and smiled. I said '6 months' he said 'aw she reminds me of my granddaughter.' I just smiled and nodded my head. He started waving to my daughter and kept on saying hi. He then stroked/touched her hand to get her attention whilst say hi. I said 'don't touch her please' and he replied 'oh yeah of course, Covid and that.'
I just got a wipe out and wiped her hand to clean it.

I'm all for people being polite to my daughter and trying to get her attention. On the same bus, a woman sitting next to me was waving to my daughter whilst saying hi to her. Of course I have no problem with this.

But a stranger touching my baby whether it's on her hand or her face, what's that all about?Confused I would never touch a baby I didn't know on their hand (or anywhere else) especially a baby I've just come across on the bus.
If a stranger came up to me making conversation, they wouldn't touch me on my hand (unless they're a creep) so why do it to a baby? I was so confused for the rest of the bus journey and both my mum and DP were somewhat shocked when I told them too.

I've seen similar threads on this recently and people tend to say the OP is overreacting. If you think I'm being unreasonable, can you explain why you think it's okay for a complete stranger to put their hands on a baby they don't know at all?

OP posts:
4amstarts · 19/11/2021 22:05

Bit of an over reaction - I'm guessing precious first born?? You embarrassed the poor chap and yourself

I have young babies born in lockdown they get cooed over all the time - a stranger even helped hold one (twins) whilst wrangling with a trolley the other day

Lou98 · 19/11/2021 22:09

While I agree that I don't really like strangers touching my baby I don't really see why you've bothered starting a thread - you asked him not to touch your baby, he then stopped - that should have been the end of it surely?

You've also posted in AIBU when clearly you believe you're not, so again, what was the purpose?

There is also a million other threads like this that you could have read for the same answers 🙄

Original poster
videovixen · 19/11/2021 22:13

@Clymene @IAmMeThisIsI

Does MN pay my bills for me to be on the Internet lying to random strangers?😂😂
Do I get money into my account for the amount of clicks a post of mine gets?

How does it make sense for me to say face in the title when the original post goes on to explain a random guy actually touched her hand. If I wanted to be dramatic I would just chat shit saying a guy on the bus touched my daughter on her lips or some bs like that. Makes no sense for me to lie in the title for 'clickbait' like that makes any difference to my life.

I'm so sorry that I'm so exhausted after a long day that I've typed face instead of hand without realising until three people in a row pointed in out. Again, it makes no difference to my life if you don't believe me because MN is not paying my bills😂
I knew AIBU is full of loonies but bloody hell

OP posts:
saraclara · 19/11/2021 22:14

[quote ImustLearn2Cook]**@videovixen* Society has changed in what is deemed appropriate. It has been thought of as a positive to interact with babies and children, including touching their hand or face or even cuddling. It has been seen as: it takes a village to raise a child.*

Often as we get older it gets harder for us to keep up with changing values in society.

If there is no harm done, no real threat then is it really that hard to just let it slide and understand that this man is from a different generation when it was thought to be good for babies to have lots of love from their surrounding community?[/quote]
This. Older people grew up in a time where it was the norm for people to feel involved and be invited to be involved in interacting warmly and closely with babies. It would not have occurred to my lovely, lovely MIL not to stroke and engage with a stranger's baby. It was a huge pleasure to her.

No-one told people like her that suddenly it's become 'wrong' to a section of mothers, for friendly strangers to actually make physical contact with a baby. Hell, I didn't realise it until I joined Mumsnet.

I honestly don't know (Covid apart) what freaks people out about a friendly stranger stroking their baby's hand. As human beings we're primed to respond to babies. It's what's kept the babies of the tribe alive for thousands of years. It's fundamental to life, the older generations were very involved, and some of that instinct remains.

Original poster
videovixen · 19/11/2021 22:15

People also keep saying he's an old man and they feel sorry for him etc. This guy didn't look older than 45 so I don't know why people are making it out like he's from such a different generation based on the fact that he said he has a granddaughter.
My mum had her first granddaughter at 43 lol

OP posts:
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 19/11/2021 22:18

Ha ha, makes you wonder how we all survived before doesn't it?! Thank goodness Boris showed us how to do it properly.

Exactly, I was smearing toothpaste on my hands up until all this. Who knew, eh...soap?? What a time to be alive!

😂

IAmMeThisIsI · 19/11/2021 22:19

Whoah now. There was absolutely no need to get personal and call me a looney. I was with you until until you said that. You're irrationality here has convinced me that I've hit a nerve. Not one person accused you of using the baby's face BS comment for 'click bait', so I'll go ahead and assume that's precisely what it was. You doth protest too much. Lol.

OhWhyNot · 19/11/2021 22:23

It’s a lovely side of human nature to want to show affection to a baby even one you don’t know

I loved when ds made someone smile it’s just lovely to see

I don’t understand why people get so uptight (unless health reasons)

VladmirsPoutine · 19/11/2021 22:24

People with unwashed legs getting sarcastic over cleanliness. It is well.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/11/2021 22:26

OhWhyNot

It’s a lovely side of human nature to want to show affection to a baby even one you don’t know

I loved when ds made someone smile it’s just lovely to see

I don’t understand why people get so uptight (unless health reasons)“

The voice of reason Smile

Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 19/11/2021 22:27

Yanbu.I wouldnt let any stranger touch my baby and especially during covid times.Adults should have more sense than do it.Wouldnt want them even too close to their face.I would have no problem telling them either.During this whole covid saga I have still had to tell people to back off almost every time Ive been out in public.Some people just do not 'get it'.Protect your baby,never mind anyone elses opinion.

IAmMeThisIsI · 19/11/2021 22:29

@VladmirsPoutine

People with unwashed legs getting sarcastic over cleanliness. It is well.
You have elaborate. That sounds really interesting.
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 19/11/2021 22:30

Unwashed legs? Wtf 😂

MatLeave · 19/11/2021 22:30

Maybe it just reminded him of a wee grandchild that he doesn't see often, no harm done. Elderly people are usually lovely and love speaking to children. Sometimes it's better to look for the good in people.

LunaFabre · 19/11/2021 22:30

Pandemic social norms: Social distancing, wearing face masks and handwashing.
Mumsnet: Let random strangers touch your baby or you’re an overreacting, anxious mother.

Allsorts1 · 19/11/2021 22:32

It’s a sad society when a nice old man can’t touch a babies hand without its mother immediately wet wiping his “germs” away. :(

Clymene · 19/11/2021 22:33

@LunaFabre

Pandemic social norms: Social distancing, wearing face masks and handwashing. Mumsnet: Let random strangers touch your baby or you’re an overreacting, anxious mother.
Covid isn't a contact virus. Surely we all know that by now?
MatLeave · 19/11/2021 22:36

Just to add, I was a bit apprehensive when a junkie couple in the next town spoke to my 3yo daughter. They were ever so kind and didn't touch my daughter and their faces lit up when she responded to them and I didn't run away from them. Sometimes good people get into bad circumstances.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 19/11/2021 22:41

I'm West Indian and I'm starting to think this may just be a culture thing. In my family we were all raised not to touch a baby on their face or kiss them on their lips even if they were our family members. We were also taught to keep our hands to ourselves when around babies we didn't know very well.

I'm genuinely quite surprised to read this. My children had the most attention from strangers ever when we've been in the West Indies, not just hotel staff which you might expect but from randoms in the street. Mainly from young men. As well as talking to them they would pick them up and hug them. I'm talking about when they were babies or toddlers so under 2 or 3. Maybe it was because they were little blue eyed blondies so a bit of a novelty or maybe because they are quite amusing as toddlers. Who knows, I assumed there was a big 'raising a child takes a village' mentality there, more so than here.

ParkheadParadise · 19/11/2021 22:42

Don't come to Glasgow
Everyone and I mean everyone including the driver talks to you on a bus your wean will be sitting on some randoms knee before you get to your stop.🚍🚍🚍🤱🤱

trappedbylife · 19/11/2021 22:43

There was a thread a few weeks ago about children in public and how they shouldn't approach other adults who are out in restaurants or cafes for example trying to enjoy their peace - I mean, it was even suggested that it was irritating for a random child to be in one's "peripheral vision" (much to my bemusement and amusement).

Now we have a thread where there is suggestion that it's absolutely fine for random adults to poke and prod at your child.

I can't keep up. Grin

Original poster
videovixen · 19/11/2021 22:44

@ParkheadParadise

Don't come to Glasgow Everyone and I mean everyone including the driver talks to you on a bus your wean will be sitting on some randoms knee before you get to your stop.🚍🚍🚍🤱🤱
South London definitely isn't like this!😂😂
OP posts:
trappedbylife · 19/11/2021 22:45

*It’s a lovely side of human nature to want to show affection to a baby even one you don’t know
*
Affection doesn't have to involve physical contact, it can be conveyed in tone and manner.

pinkstripeycat · 19/11/2021 22:47

As a child my grandma’s Jamaican colleagues (nurses) were always pinching my cheeks. They ALL did it, every single one of them, every single time I met my grandma from work!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 19/11/2021 22:48

Don't come to stoke op. Bloody hell.