Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Not going mad on presents for the kids!

200 replies

30tanned · 19/11/2021 16:30

Usually we go mad and buy the kids loads for Xmas they always have everything they want and more I will admit they are spoilt!

This year they all have their main presents and then my husband an I have agreed to buy a couple of smaller presents but try keep it to £150 budget for each child for the other bits after the main.
Obviously people know how expensive everything is so they won't have a pile like normal I feel like I am being a bad mum because we could afford to spend more but I am sick to death of them just throwing things an it never seeing the light of day again we just waste money because it's Christmas and we feel we should! The children don't appreciate it and don't play with it ( all believers so obvs we don't get the credit)

AIBU to not go mad on them? They are 10,9,6

OP posts:

notsohippychick · 20/11/2021 22:25

I think you have got your worries all mixed up here. I’d be focusing on why you feel the need to get 9 and 10 year old i phones. Sorry but that’s the unreasonable part of all this.

Can they my head around that.

woodhill · 20/11/2021 22:27

Yes, I probably would have (it's a while back).

They got a lot of stuff from relatives anyway

PinkSyCo · 20/11/2021 22:32

Oh bloody hell I read that as you spent £150 pound each on them altogether and thought that was plenty for kids that young, but now I see that is on top of their main presents! No wonder they’re ungrateful. You’re spoiling them. Kids that age don’t need iPhones either.

CatsArePeople · 20/11/2021 22:53

YANBU
Your kids obviously don't want or need the stuff you buy them, so don't. get them a few things that they actually want and like within your budget.

00100001 · 20/11/2021 22:57

@woodhill

Yes, I probably would have (it's a while back).

They got a lot of stuff from relatives anyway

sorry, you would have what? given august pyjamas wrapped up and announced them as presents?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/11/2021 23:03

@woodhill

They are not Christmas pjs though so will be used anyway, pjs get shabby and when younger dc outgrow them

Doesn't that then come back to the giving kids essentials and pretending their presents? Some families, money is so tight and it's a way of making sure they get something to open AND their essentials. I get that. Our Aunty always brought us knickers for Christmas so she knew we had new ones

SleepingStandingUp · 20/11/2021 23:06

@woodhill

Yes, I probably would have (it's a while back).

They got a lot of stuff from relatives anyway

You'd wrap up pj's in the middle of the year and announce them as a gift??

Cocomarine · 20/11/2021 23:09

I sometimes wonder how some posters on here manage to make decisions like wiping their own arses after a shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

How can anyone need to ask if £150 (£150!) is enough on top of an iPhone?

ChrissyPlummer · 20/11/2021 23:12

Why do primary-aged kids need iPhones? What are they going to ask for when they’re 13? Most primary schools won’t let phones in school and neither will they let kids leave alone (my DN is Y6 and has to say that she’s seen someone on the playground to collect her). Too young for social media, emails etc. So why on earth would you get them one?

Cocomarine · 21/11/2021 00:16

Every primary I know allows Y6 children to leave without a parent. At my primary Y5 and Y6 can just go. I’m not saying that’s a reason for an iPhone, but my experience of different to yours.

No child needs a iPhone (or other smartphone) but I was very happy mine had one in Y6 when lockdowns hit! Obviously Covid wasn’t predicted, but she found plenty to do with her smartphone anyway. Nothing critical of course - but all nice things.

There doesn’t have to be an escalation. Mine got a reconditioned iPhone in Y5. She’s now Y8 and other presents have been much smaller in cost. You don’t have to bring your kids up to expect that every year older means more money spent. The amount I spend has varied hugely from year to year on Xmas and birthdays, depending on her current interests.

She’s had a £1K iPad (which I don’t need to justify, but her passion and skill for graphic art has accelerated since) one birthday, then a £30 makeup palette the next year. Both of which she loved. No thoughts of, “where’s my other £970?” or, “well this is a bit shit compared to my iPad”.

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 21/11/2021 00:36

I think what you've said sounds fine, i have 6 children and i know i do spend alot (some probably say too much) on presents each year depending on what they want. The younger ones presents cost less as they don't want expensive things like laptops, tablets etc. I put money away each week starting in January so there's a lump sum to start buying their Christmas clothes and presents a few months before Christmas. I think as long as you can afford it (it's not worth getting into debt for Christmas) then that's the main thing. Don't just buy for buying sake and don't go mad if u don't feel like they appreciate it. I'm sure you don't want your children to be ungrateful and just expect it every year. What seems like alot to spend for one family may be completely different for another, each to their own with no judgement.

TheWitchersWife · 21/11/2021 05:47

@RussianSpy101

At 2 the only thing my son really enjoys is baby shark, so its a baby shark Toiletries set with bath squirters. The PJs, dressing gown and slippers are all baby shark so a little bit special for him than just a normal set.
MIL always spends a lot and rather than lots of plastic from B&M I always try to ask her for a main present and this year its a bike each. Obviously it's her choice what she gets but she is excited to be the one to buy them their first bikes.
They also have my mom, my sister, BIL and my nan buy for them.
I know my budget and the storage space in my house and I can't really afford to use either on things that might be a waste.
As and when they get older and they can ask for things and have wider interests things will probably change.
When I asked my 4 year old what he wanted for christmas he said a chocolate cake, and my 2 year old ignored me.
I like to spend more on experiences, we're going to a safari park to meet Santa, we're going to a panto, a children's science museum (just like Blippi), and going on a small break with a swimming pool as they both love water and swimming.
If there was something they wanted I would get them extras as they deserve it and I do love them.
But they just don't seem to want or need anything.
And yes, I am making a chocolate cake for Christmas and have already bought the cake toppers ready for it.

This isn't a topic everyone will agree on, especially with the wide variety of financial situations on mumsnet. I do have budgets for my children, we are definitely on the lower end of the household income brackets but I do the best I can for them at Christmas but that doesn't mean getting them things they don't want or need. The things I have bought for them are good quality and things I known they will love.

Skinnyankles · 21/11/2021 06:35

I have 3 dc and we do not do birthday gifts in our household, although they do get a card and a party.

We do make Xmas bigger though and would easily spend £150 in addition to each big present. For example Dd1 who is 15 is having dm's as her main gift and has a few toiletries, a hoodie, new School bag and some fluffy PJs. That £150 was easily spent!

Each to their own, spend what you want.

Rowgtfc72 · 21/11/2021 06:53

I agree. Spend within your means.
If you can afford two reconditioned i phones and everything else that's your business. Dd has dhs old galaxy 11. She'd love an i phone but we're both on minimum wage and can't warrant the cost of that- she has a phone that works. But she won't go without at Christmas as we budget for it.

DockOTheBay · 21/11/2021 07:02

@TangoWhiskyAlphaTango

Ah its the annual competitive MN overspending / underspending thread.

Annual? More like daily at this time of year

DockOTheBay · 21/11/2021 07:08

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I dont know how its possible to only spend £150 per child and actually get decent stuff.

They would only end up with one or two things each.

Decent toys are at least £45 each and there is alot of stuff in smyths that is around £65 a toy

Buy in cheaper shops e.g. aldi have some great toys much cheaper than that.

Buy in sales/special offers e.g. I have bought lego sets for half price throughout the year.

Have a rethink about what actually IS a decent toy. The only thing I've ever bought my kids which cost more than £40 was scooters, and even those were reduced from £90 to £50.

BlueFlavour · 21/11/2021 07:22

My dc get very little from wider family, due to stingyness. This manifests itself emotionally as well. I would spend more on them if I had it tbh.

PanettoneSeason · 21/11/2021 09:57

@Skinnyankles

I have 3 dc and we do not do birthday gifts in our household, although they do get a card and a party.

Each to their own, spend what you want.

@Skinnyankles I find it quite interesting what other people do in their house! For us, we make a bigger deal of birthdays than Christmas in terms of gifts. DH and I don’t buy at all for each other at Christmas and DC gets more for Birthday than Christmas. What made you decide to go down the route of no birthday gifts?

Completely agree though - spend what you want and what you can afford! The thought of people getting into debt for the sake of giving a pile of gifts is awful to me personally!

RedskyThisNight · 21/11/2021 10:23

Every primary I know allows Y6 children to leave without a parent. At my primary Y5 and Y6 can just go. I’m not saying that’s a reason for an iPhone, but my experience of different to yours.

My DC went to school and played out without parents from Y5. They had a cheap brick phone for the purposes of communication. It also helped them to get used to the responsibility of owning a phone - remembering to keep it charged up, with them and check it had credit on, before they graduated to a smartphone (which still wasn't a nearly new iPhone). There may be good reasons to give your DC a phone at 9/10. There aren't good reasons to give them a nearly new iPhone. Of course if parents can afford it and choose to do so then that's up to them. But with 9/10 year olds that are ungrateful, it wouldn't be my choice.

KarenM262 · 21/11/2021 11:39

I dont think money or how much you spend is the issue, I've got my son a new bike as he needs one, I wanted an Isla bike as he's on a balance bike now and they are light, it was £150 second hand but I will get most of this back selling it on, he's going to ask Santa for a big Marshall fire engine from paw patrol and a toy baby, the fire engine is £60 and the baby is £20, that's 3 things and it's £230 but won't look a lot, I will get him a stocking and a other bits, not so he has a pile but because to me it's new toys for the year, I have a clear out of things they've outgrown and get them to choose things to donate to people. I can't get the fire truck second hand as it's paw patrol the movie so can't see how I could ever spend £50 as some people claim. I have a business which I make and sell items October/November/December which makes enough to pay for Christmas.

woodhill · 21/11/2021 12:37

@SleepingStandingUp

No give them as part of their present at Christmas.

woodhill · 21/11/2021 12:42

I think it's fine to give clothing as presents. We were on a tight budget and I'm not spending for the sake of it

Plus who wants loads of stuff cluttering up their houses

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/11/2021 12:47

Stockings from Father Christmas, everything else from family/friends. That's how we do it, anyway

Eggshausted · 21/11/2021 13:04

So you’re going into debt (buying a phone on contract is effectively HP. Just wait till they break/lose the phone) to buy an IPhone for a 9 year old?

They can’t use it in school, you would be better off buying them an Amazon tablet that they can use at home and in the holidays.

00100001 · 21/11/2021 13:46

[quote woodhill]@SleepingStandingUp

No give them as part of their present at Christmas. [/quote]
He was asking about pyjamas that might be needing replaced in August.

Would you give those as a present?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread