Not going mad on presents for the kids!

[30tanned]

Usually we go mad and buy the kids loads for Xmas they always have everything they want and more I will admit they are spoilt!

This year they all have their main presents and then my husband an I have agreed to buy a couple of smaller presents but try keep it to £150 budget for each child for the other bits after the main.
Obviously people know how expensive everything is so they won't have a pile like normal I feel like I am being a bad mum because we could afford to spend more but I am sick to death of them just throwing things an it never seeing the light of day again we just waste money because it's Christmas and we feel we should! The children don't appreciate it and don't play with it ( all believers so obvs we don't get the credit)

AIBU to not go mad on them? They are 10,9,6

Christmas is not the time to make this sort of pony to your children, it’s cruel!

I think that amount is fine, especially these days where you can’t get much for that money. It also depends on what you can afford, I don’t stick to a limit as such but rather try to buy a nice main present and then get what else I can off their lists. It’s Christmas and I do think it’s okay to go wild and really treat my kids, I don’t buy much throughout the year though.

That’s a crazy amount. We spend a fair amount but wouldn’t if it was up to me. I don’t think kids should have too much. It’s pointless. But my dh insists on getting loads. It just makes me feel awkward

If they're not appreciating what they've got then it's not unreasonable at all to buy less. Seems like the sensible solution really. Not sure I'd buy contract phones for age 9 and 10 though. Completely your choice though, I don't understand the spend shaming in this thread. Agree with posters who've pointed out £150 can easily go on a couple of big lego sets. It doesn't have to equal huge piles of stuff.

As for not appreciating the cost of things... If two young children both get a play kitchen with accessories, one cost £50, the other £200. How does this mean one is spoilt, ungrateful and doesn't appreciate things when the other child has got exactly the same thing from a child's pov?

@HeatingOnHeatingOff it depends what and where you are buying.

My 9yo has:
Huffy go-kart
Screwball Scramble
200pc jigsaw
Echo dot
Fake oodie
Hair accessories and brush (requested)
4x books
Couple of DVD's

That's more than enough and I'd say a pretty decent little haul - mix of new and second hand totalling just over £150!

Some children get loads from family. Others just their parents.
Siblings close in age sharing toys might not get as much individually
Some people buy regularly,some just at birthday and Christmas
Different incomes

You can't say any amount is too much or too little!

It is true that things can be expensive... lego sets alone for older children can be £80+. There are sets costs hundreds of pounds.

I also have been guilty of buying for the sake of it in previous years and it going totally to waste, I find the stockings often tended to be tat they didn’t really want or need so I have cut it out. I have managed expectations this year as both will get what they ask for but the pile of presents will be very small compared to previous years.
Ds15 asked for a pair of wireless earphones which were £150, an expansion pack to a game he plays and two manga comic books. Four presents that came to £200. For his stocking I will put some items he would normally use but maybe better brands so I’m thinking branded socks and boxers, nice chocolates and maybe a card game.
Ds8 asked for a ps5 wireless headset and 2 computer games plus a charging stand for his controllers which all came to £220. His stocking I will probably look for fortnite boxers/socks plus some chocolates and a game we can play together
Both get a board game each from their great grandma and money/vouchers from grandparents and aunts/uncles on both sides which adds up to a considerable amount.
I appreciate everyone has different budgets but you really don’t get much gift for your money these days so I do wonder where and what people are buying when they spend £50 and have a good pile of gifts

I think you are getting are hard time to be honest, I think you are right to scale down if the presents are not going to be played with. However I think some people on here like to make out that it is wrong to spend money on your child if you can afford it. Sure there are people who are less well off and would love to spend £150 on their child but can’t, there are also families who are very wealthy who would happily spend thousands on a child without a thought, so there’s a bit of perspective required.

You will always get a hard time on here regarding spending a lot at Christmas. I think you should stick with what you have spent but maybe do more ‘Christmas’ stuff, like going to German markets or decorating tree together, for example cos that’s the things that are special and create the idea of Christmas.

I’m rambling now but you do what’s right for your family and your own spending.

In our house the main presents are grom us. Santa also gives them a large stocking, which generally contains: new socks/pants, some hair ties, a pack of biros for school, new glue sticks, hair ties, plastic folders, a bag of sweets, etc. So Santa's pretty generous in our house but he's a boring bastard

We never go mad at Christmas. 3-5 presents each plus a stocking and that's it. We could easily spend £££ on our DC but they are young and their attention won't hold for long enough to appreciate all the things we (could) buy.

Same here. When they're little it's particularly unnecessary.

I'm spending £150 total on dd. It's a pain in the arse because her birthday is also in December and I never know what to get her.
I also have a large family and they all buy her at Christmas

I'm the daughter of parents who went completely overboard at Christmas. My mum used to go absolutely crazy, spent a fortune and ensure we had 30+ presents each.
It was absolutely overwhelming as a child and meant that I didn't appreciate or play with everything. The other day, My mum was talking about merchandise on a TV show I loved when I was younger. She spent over £1k on this stuff. I have zero recollection. It's not that I was a spoilt, ungrateful brat, just the sheer amount of stuff was far too much.

With my own kids, yes it would be spend a fortune but I always keep this in mind. Eldest has autism and doesn't really grasp the concept of Christmas yet. They have things that will be used and played with (sensory stuff, arts and crafts, open ended days, Lego, type things).

People are entitled to spend what they like but sometimes less is more. I also refused point blank to get into debt over one day like my parents did!

o £150 budget for each child for the other bits after the main.

That sounds like a colossal budget for each child to me.

And yet, you are concerned that it is not 'enough' and you acknowledge that your children have been somewhat spoiled by material goods.

I'm sorry I don't have answers for you but I would encourage you to start thinking about how you can give your children a 'better' start in life, one that will help support them as they grow into adulthood.

Perhaps start by asking them what gives they want to give this year?

I think also with the environmental concerns it is a good idea to be more selective

Money in a savings account is always good

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I dont know how its possible to only spend £150 per child and actually get decent stuff.

They would only end up with one or two things each.

Decent toys are at least £45 each and there is alot of stuff in smyths that is around £65 a toy

So just buy one at £65 with a couple of small things or buy 2nd hand

It's not just about appreciation and gratitude, although those things are very important. It's also about enjoyment, I just don't see how a child that consistently gets too much stuff can possibly be getting any enjoyment out of it. I've seen young family member open a huge pile of presents and she didn't even appear to see them, it was like inhaling a massive load of sweet food, no enjoyment just indulgence. When she'd finished tearing it all open, I don't think she had taken any of it in at all. It appeared to be for the benefit of her parents more than her. If you can focus on quality rather than quality, they will definitely enjoy it all more and be able to remember what they've received.

I think it's really sad you've spent a lot on your children over the years and not addressing their ingratitude. Entitled, selfish teenagers are not going to become content adults.

It's possible to spend £10, £100 or £1000 on a child at Christmas and still cultivate gratitude and contentment.

Nearly new iPhones for a 9 and 10 yo? Ridiculous and inadvisable. Spending £150 on top of main presents? Ridiculous. Continuing to spend huge amounts (even if reduced a bit from previously even huger amounts) in spite of admitting the children are spoilt and don't appreciate it? Really really ridiculous.

"honestly feel that you will massively regret getting them phones, if they aren’t appreciating your efforts now, giving them phones might just make them more detached." I agree with PP.

You don't live in the real world.
I don't spend more than 50 on the main present, then a couple of small bits for another 20. It's more than I can afford, but I would hate for them to go to school and feel embarrassed by someone who has had hundreds spent on them. It happened to me when I was a kid.
Post like this make me sad.
Kids don't need all of that stuff.

@lazylinguist

Nearly new iPhones for a 9 and 10 yo? Ridiculous and inadvisable. Spending £150 on top of main presents? Ridiculous. Continuing to spend huge amounts (even if reduced a bit from previously even huger amounts) in spite of admitting the children are spoilt and don't appreciate it? Really really ridiculous.

Was getting all excited as no one had replied with my thoughts and then up you popped Just to reiterate what @lazylinguist has said. Ridiculous

God there's some miserable people on here. If @30tanned can afford iPhones plus other presents I don't see the issue. Both my DD's (9&14) have iPhones, as do most of their friends.

I don't do a set amount per child for Christmas I just buy the things on their list and other bits I know they'll like.

Youngest dd still believes in Santa but we've always done a "special" present from Santa and the rest from us so they understand they might not get everything they ask for.

Imo £150 on top of a main present is s lot for a 6 year old but doesn't go far on a teenager.

Sorry I rudely beat you to it, StanVic49 .

Honestly, people can obviously spend what they like. It's not really about the buget. It's this 'It doesn't look like enough unless I spend hundreds of pounds' attitude and the sense of terror some parents seem to have about not meeting their spoilt children's expectations. Or the kind of resigned 'I'm fed up with spending this pile of money every year to fill my house with unappreciated stuff' attitude. So don't do it then! Kids know you're afraid of tantrums and will do anything to avoid them - that's precisely why they have them.

@lazylinguist

Sorry I rudely beat you to it, StanVic49 .

Honestly, people can obviously spend what they like. It's not really about the buget. It's this 'It doesn't look like enough unless I spend hundreds of pounds' attitude and the sense of terror some parents seem to have about not meeting their spoilt children's expectations. Or the kind of resigned 'I'm fed up with spending this pile of money every year to fill my house with unappreciated stuff' attitude. So don't do it then! Kids know you're afraid of tantrums and will do anything to avoid them - that's precisely why they have them.

You’ve hit the nail on the head!

We go along the ‘need, want, wear, read, do’ line of thinking. My children expect very little and certainly did not need a mobile phone whilst still at primary school!

Oh, and affording it isn’t the point. Could we? Yes. Do we? No.