Not going mad on presents for the kids!

[30tanned]

Usually we go mad and buy the kids loads for Xmas they always have everything they want and more I will admit they are spoilt!

This year they all have their main presents and then my husband an I have agreed to buy a couple of smaller presents but try keep it to £150 budget for each child for the other bits after the main.
Obviously people know how expensive everything is so they won't have a pile like normal I feel like I am being a bad mum because we could afford to spend more but I am sick to death of them just throwing things an it never seeing the light of day again we just waste money because it's Christmas and we feel we should! The children don't appreciate it and don't play with it ( all believers so obvs we don't get the credit)

AIBU to not go mad on them? They are 10,9,6

Shock horror - some people have more money than others.

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I dont know how its possible to only spend £150 per child and actually get decent stuff.

They would only end up with one or two things each.

Decent toys are at least £45 each and there is alot of stuff in smyths that is around £65 a toy

Buy buying them fewer gifts... What's wrong with 2-3 decent presents?

So £150 for a 6yo would buy them a new bike (£100), a board game (£10), a new book/annual (£5-£10), some sort of crafting set (£10), puzzle/colouring book (£5-10), some sweets/chocolate (£5)... With money left over.

That's surely plenty??

I don’t have a strict budget with my kids but I would guess I spend between 4-5 hundred each now the older 5 then maybe 2-3 on the younger three. Eldest is 13 youngest is a baby (so probably more like 1-200 for the baby).

My older ones have Christmas at their dads too and he spends similar amount on them, maybe slightly less.

That being said I don’t buy them anything except clothes or pocket money the rest of the year and I don’t have any family on my side to buy them anything, exdh family live hours away and will buy them one present each.

Things are so expensive nowadays and I’ve noticed as they get into their teens they want branded things which is fine but you don’t get much for your money when buying them alongside a main present too (my oldest two want a new laptop each!)

What does a 9 yo actually do with an iphone?

This year I have scaled way back, my boys got a ridiculous amount last year and some of it is still not opened! They couldn't possibly play with it all. I have been trying to carefully choose gifts they will actually love and play with and not just random crap to fill the sofa with.

Really tacky to talk about how much you’re planning to spend.

I usually spend about £150 on dd. Shopped wisely so as well as getting lots for my money she always used to get things she needed eg new pyjamas, jumper, top.
This year she's asked for money and a few small things to open. Spent about £20 quid on chocs, books etc but no idea how much to give her. I was thinking £150-£200 but dh thinks that's excessive. Thing is she's 14, 5ft 11 with size 9 feet. Nothing is cheap at that size and age. Just one top would be £20-£30 quid.
I'd rather she had things she wants than things I think she wants and she is quite sensible when it comes to spending money.
As an aside for her 1st Christmas when she was 9 months I bought lots. She cried all day and we stopped and put half the presents away for her birthday. She was just overwhelmed.

YANBU. We have got our kids annual Merlin passes this year, we’ve booked a weekend in London in April to use said passes and we’ve got them a few bits too. Probably spent £100 per child on top of the passes and weekend away. If they don’t appreciate loads of presents then there’s no point buying loads but also don’t be afraid to point this out to the kids if they say there’s less than last year: “You didn’t seem thankful for what you got last year so we thought that this year, we’d really focus on what you wanted. You do have less, which is okay because you don’t need loads, but the presents you have are meaningful.”

If you normally spend £150, I’d less the £20 and give her £130. My eldest is 17 and she LOVES a Primark gift card because it goes so much further if that’s an option.

A few years ago I was hurt by the reaction of my eldest daughter to her Christmas presents.
She had more than enough toys so I bought her a desk for her room with lots of stationary, paper and craft bits to go with it.
Didn't cost a huge amount but I thought it was something she would really love.
She opened it all and immediately asked if she could now go to her dads for the rest of her presents. I was shocked, no thanks or anything.

She is the baby on her dads side so absolutely spoilt rotten, especially with paternal grandparents.

After that I decided enough was enough and cut right down. I tend to stick to the something to wear, read, want & need.

We celebrate Yule more these days and it's tradition to give something hand made.
Last year I made all 3 of my girls crocheted blankets and this year I have made them big dreamcatchers for their bedrooms and a big cloud nightlight for the corner of their rooms.

I want them to appreciate what this time of year means more than just expecting a huge amount of gifts.

Thankfully my youngest are only 4 and 2 so this is all they've known so far.
It really stuck with me how ungrateful my eldest became with all of this but she knows better now

We go along the ‘need, want, wear, read, do’ line of thinking. My children expect very little and certainly did not need a mobile phone whilst still at primary school!

Oh, and affording it isn’t the point. Could we? Yes. Do we? No.

Exactly. I actually tend not to have anything like a set budget. Some years we will spend a bit more because there's something they need or something they want that we think is a really great idea that will last them ages. Other years not so much.

Dd16 would like us to renew her year's Spotify Premium subscription. It's quite expensive at £99, but she uses it literally every day. Ds13 can't think of anything he wants! He has quite a bit of money he's saved up and can never think what to spend it on!

I personally have spent £100 on DD3 on various small things she needs or would love and DS4 has had one main present £50 (half price in black Friday sale) and probably 50/60 on other things.

I didn't aim for a price for either I just brought them things they like at others houses and don't have. I pick up things in the sale as and when I see them (and can afford to).
Games we can play as a family (think guess who) and also some crayola sets to put in their craft box. My sons main gift is a Kids fire tablet as he loves my daughters. My daughter got a small keyboard and chair as she has recently shown interest in music. If I thought they wouldn't use them, I wouldn't buy them. They would benefit more from the money being spent on a day out or just general treats throughout the year otherwise.

I was joking with my 4 year old the other day and gave him a black biro as he was looking for a pen and said Merry Christmas. He was so happy and thought this was his actual Christmas gift. He carried around excitedly for the last few days. It really put things in perspective for me. He would be happy with anythingx

YANBU

Every year I look at what they actually play with, and what gets forgotten instantly. I now try and only get things that will actually get some use and enjoyment. Don't forget they may also have a few gifts from others (grandparents or aunties etc).

I spend a lot less than you and we still give plenty. They don't miss the things they were never interested in to begin with!

I personally don't think things like pyjamas etc should be presents unless it's like an actual gift that the child genuinely wants eg they might be desperate for a Giraffe Onesie, which is possibly a nice to have, not a need . .. otherwise (to me) it feels like they're "padding" presents, just there to make the like bigger. Which all adds to the issue of people feeling the need to get kids likes of gifts

I agree. I dont think pyjamas should be given as gifts (they are what parents should provide anyway throughout the year when needed.

Same with bobbles, clothes, bubble bath, toiletries and shoes etc. Those arent gifts.

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I agree. I dont think pyjamas should be given as gifts (they are what parents should provide anyway throughout the year when needed.

Same with bobbles, clothes, bubble bath, toiletries and shoes etc. Those arent gifts.

I always give pyjamas even to my grown up dc and the other things you listed would be part of their presents

At least they are useful

And if they are branded items of shoes/clothes they have to be part of a present as I wouldn't buy them normally

Fortunately my dc weren't bothered about brands

@woodhill - but the "issue" I have with PJs being given as 'gifts' to children, is that it adds to the piles we feel we need to provide on the day. it's a self-fulfinlling cycle. We see that other kids/families have big piles of present, so we add in things like PJs to make it seem a bit bigger, thus perpetuating the consumerist cycle!

I don't think anyone is GENUINELY giving their child a pair of new pyjamas as a GIFT (unless it's the much coveted giraffe onesie etc) - and I doubt many people stand there studying the pyjamas in Asda, pondering which pair little Jamie would like the best because they'll absolutely love them.

(obviously there is always that one child who adores pyjamas, and the ones with stars on would be an amazing gift !)

They're just fillers really.

They are not Christmas pjs though so will be used anyway, pjs get shabby and when younger dc outgrow them

I've also given them to my nephews before

@TheWitchersWife do you not feel it’s more of a waste to buy a 2yo a toiletries set?!

So basically your sons are getting 1 toy for Christmas. I think that’s really sad. My DC get things throughout the year but it doesn’t mean I could justify getting them one toy for Christmas and a bottle of child’s farm.

I don't see the problem with pyjamas, hair bubbles, bath stuff etc being presents. Is it just because they are somewhat practical? Isn't it nice to have something you can use and enjoy?

Obviously not suggesting getting a toddler a bottle of shower gel as their only gift or something. But aren't little luxurious like new pyjamas, 'my special bubble bath' etc nice things to have? I enjoyed getting those kinds of things as a kid.

I get the point about starting to feel you 'need' to give them year on year. But I'm not sure that pressure would be coming from the kids.

@CactusLemonSpice

I don't see the problem with pyjamas, hair bubbles, bath stuff etc being presents. Is it just because they are somewhat practical? Isn't it nice to have something you can use and enjoy?

Obviously not suggesting getting a toddler a bottle of shower gel as their only gift or something. But aren't little luxurious like new pyjamas, 'my special bubble bath' etc nice things to have? I enjoyed getting those kinds of things as a kid.

the problem, is, are pyjamas really a gift if they're an essential wardrobe item? For example, would you give them a school uniform top as a gift?

unlikely.

and again - my feelings are that they're just fillers. Often (perhaps without consciously realising) to be wrapped up to make the "haul" look good. Loads of people are 'guilty' of going "oh that doesn't look much" and buying stuff to add to the pile/to give them things to open....which reinforces the idea that Christmas is all about getting lots of gifts and spend spend spend.

I do agree that something like Jelli-Baff /Squirty soap/ Charcter bubble bath could be a gift. I.e. you know that Aiden LOVES batman and LOVES having a bath, so getting him Batman Bubblebath would be cool and a gift. There's thought and consideration behind it. But just giving him a bottle of the stuff always used...not a gift. That's just something to open.

@woodhill

They are not Christmas pjs though so will be used anyway, pjs get shabby and when younger dc outgrow them

yes, but you'd be replacing them anyway - surely? Would you, in August, buy your child a new pair of pyjamas, (because they had outgrown their ones from Christmas) and wrap them up and call them a present?

Or would they just be bought as a matter of course, much like pants, socks, tshirts etc.