To think it's fine to ask children to go to their room after a certain time

[TvWhatNot]

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

I was surprised at this too! We don't let ours have tv in their bedrooms (not that they are that fussed)so it just isnt an issue. I don't like the idea of them being sent upstairs to watch tv either. We manage to share communual space in our small house okay!

I

My youngest go up to their room at 7/8pm depending on the day. My eldest lives in his bedroom though so don't have that issue with him.

I think it's nuts letting kids stay up till 10/11pm!

Nope. We watch something all can watch in the lounge.

It is a perfectly reasonable parenting choice just as the opposite is a perfectly reasonable parenting choice.

People parent in different ways, different strokes for different folks. Children going to their rooms at a set time to watch their own stuff is valid as is not having a TV in your room.

Are you gauging opinion because you are having pushback?

I wouldn't do that.

@TataMamma

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I wouldn't want my kids having TVs in their bedrooms...although I do have TVs in more than one room downstairs. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending children out tbh - it's their home too.

I wouldn't either and I didn't as a teenager, but I was quite into reading and listening to music so I would often go upstairs and do that, and as an older teen I had a laptop that I would watch some things on.

I think most teenagers that have a healthy relationship with doing things by themselves would naturally take themselves off if their parents were watching something that wasn't for them, I know I did. I think the only time it would really need to be a case of asking them to go elsewhere, would be if you wanted to watch something that you felt wasn't appropriate for them but that they WANTED to watch.

No . My parents never sent us to bedroom in the evenings and I never have ! Mine generally were out and about with friends or they would be downstairs with us . If I really wanted to be on my own I would take myself off to bed with TV and Tablet . In fact that’s what I did last night.

With my older 2 it was 9pm weekdays.

@Quartz2208

It is a perfectly reasonable parenting choice just as the opposite is a perfectly reasonable parenting choice.

People parent in different ways, different strokes for different folks. Children going to their rooms at a set time to watch their own stuff is valid as is not having a TV in your room.

Are you gauging opinion because you are having pushback?

Exactly!!

I wouldn't exclude children/teens from part of the living area of their own home (i.e. not someone else's bedroom, but a shared area). If dc want to hang out in their bedrooms because they're not interested in what's on the (only) TV, I don't mind, and usually shout up when it's time to start getting ready for bed if there's no sign of them settling down at a reasonable time (early teens and 12 year old). But I wouldn't ask them to leave just because I wanted to watch something gory. To be fair, it doesn't arise because I don't generally enjoy the sort of programme that would be unsuitable for a teenager, I'm a bit of a wimp with horror and crime etc.

In the same way, if I had a friend over and wanted to catch up with them, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else in the family, adult or child, that they weren't allowed into the room. They probably don't want to sit around and listen to me and my friend's boring stories, but they're not excluded from the living space if that's where they want to be. If I did have something very private to discuss, I might consider asking people to stay away, but I can't think that it would be a normal thing.

The only reason I ask dc to stay out is now two people in the household are WFH, we take work calls and online meetings with the door closed.

Still, I can't get worked up about other families doing this with their teenagers. It's just a matter of each family's culture, it's not a big deal.

I think it's fine.

I don't think it's fair to be simultaneously be saying that teens definitely need their own space but also that they can't be asked to go and use it.

As a married adult, I share a room with my husband so I don't even get my own room in the house I am paying for!

So if I want to put The Walking Dead on at 9pm on a Friday and ask my 12 year olds to go and amuse themselves elsewhere, then I will. They can use their phones to watch tv or play a game, they have consoles they have books.

And it's got nothing to do with the snotty "well I like having my kids around" - yes so do I, but some things are not appropriate for them and I shouldn't have to stay up till super late to watch something for myself until they're adults just so they can use literally any room in the house

It doesn't need to be a one or the other approach.

If I want to watch something a bit later on but while they are up that I don't think is appropriate I will ask them to go upstairs. But equally, if they are wanting to watch something that I have no interest on, then I'll go into another room. Same with the Xbox, which is in the living room.

We all share the main tv. That sometimes means I'm watching something that I would rather they didn't watch and it also
Means there are times they are watching it and I'll go elsewhere.

Interesting. I agree this is easy with littler ones and bigger teenagers. We are in the crossover years too and lucky enough to have two downstairs sitting rooms. We either all watch together or peel off into groups eg if they want to watch the new marvel we will carry on with the wire etc. If we all want to watch eg Friends or a footy match we will watch together. I think it’s all fine so long as everyone has been heard and each opinion is offered the same importance.

@TvWhatNot

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

My DS is a teen.

He has a gaming computer, PlayStation, tablet, and his phone (the only other TV in the house is the living room) in his room so damn right he's expected to let us have our time by going to his very teched out bedroom.

I can imagine why he wouldn't want to be in his room, he certainly doesn't want to sit and play games and try to chat with his friends while we shush him because we are watching something.

Our younger children are in bed because 'bedtime' bar the baby who sits up with us because she needs feeding regularly.

I have such lovely memories of hanging out with my parents watching tv/ documentaries that I would no way send my kids away. Seems very unwelcoming in their own home

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I wouldn't want my kids having TVs in their bedrooms...although I do have TVs in more than one room downstairs.

So they could go there then.....

However, teens usually watch whatever they want to watch on their laptops, they don't need TVs

I think that's fine. My children are younger but don't need much sleep. I send them to their room with no screens, but they are allowed to play quietly or read or whatever, so long as they're not wrestling or shouting I don't really mind. When they're older the rules about what they are allowed to do will no doubt be relaxed. It's important for them to have time to wind down at the end of the day and also for us as a couple to have some uninterrupted time to chat.

Good grief, according to some posters on here it seems every single waking moment (or children's waking moment, anyway) has to revolve around one's children!

Haven't RTFT but as a pp pointed out, when are parents ever supposed to have couple time? (I don't mean sex, I mean evening time for TV/books/chat.) I guess people are going to reply with 'after the kids are in bed', but that doesn't leave much time, also why should adults have to skulk around in their own living rooms, recording stuff and then having to watch it late at night when they're probably knackered?

TBH I think it's no wonder some marriages are under strain if everything has to revolve around children to this extent. I also think it does a child no harm to know that up to a certain time it's family time, but after that it's time for them to do their own thing (or go to bed, depending on age) while the adults spend some time together. That's not 'banning' or 'excluding' kids imho, it's just family life.

I agree with another poster who says you could go to your room to watch TV instead. That’s what my parents did, and what I’m starting to do occasionally now my DC are getting older.

Of course that still means that your apart, but it seems kinder to me than sending them to their room. Instead of being shut in one room, they can choose to be in the living room, play footie in garden, get a drink from the kitchen, etc. Most of our DC’s things are downstairs (PlayStation, art supplies, etc) and I wouldn’t want to stop her having fun just so that I could watch TV - I know some DC keep more things in their room though.

Have enjoyed reading all the posters viewpoints on this. It has made me think about what series all of us can watch together in the evenings. We usually enjoy watching His Dark Materials in our living room in the winter months. Need to find more now!

@WhatAWasteOfOranges

I have such lovely memories of hanging out with my parents watching tv/ documentaries that I would no way send my kids away. Seems very unwelcoming in their own home

But it's possible to have both. Depending what age you were when you did these things, presumably if you were a child at the time, you had a set bedtime? And if you were a teen presumably there were times when you chose to do things on your own?

I have a lot of nice memories of watching TV with my parents too, but when I was a child it was always understood that after a certain time it was bedtime and I never found that upsetting. Once I hit my teens, I spent some evenings watching TV with them and some on my own in my room, by choice, which I imagine is the same for many/most teens as they develop their own interests.

@JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman

Good grief, according to some posters on here it seems every single waking moment (or children's waking moment, anyway) has to revolve around one's children!

Haven't RTFT but as a pp pointed out, when are parents ever supposed to have couple time? (I don't mean sex, I mean evening time for TV/books/chat.) I guess people are going to reply with 'after the kids are in bed', but that doesn't leave much time, also why should adults have to skulk around in their own living rooms, recording stuff and then having to watch it late at night when they're probably knackered?

TBH I think it's no wonder some marriages are under strain if everything has to revolve around children to this extent. I also think it does a child no harm to know that up to a certain time it's family time, but after that it's time for them to do their own thing (or go to bed, depending on age) while the adults spend some time together. That's not 'banning' or 'excluding' kids imho, it's just family life.

Agree entirely.

@JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman

Good grief, according to some posters on here it seems every single waking moment (or children's waking moment, anyway) has to revolve around one's children!

Haven't RTFT but as a pp pointed out, when are parents ever supposed to have couple time? (I don't mean sex, I mean evening time for TV/books/chat.) I guess people are going to reply with 'after the kids are in bed', but that doesn't leave much time, also why should adults have to skulk around in their own living rooms, recording stuff and then having to watch it late at night when they're probably knackered?

TBH I think it's no wonder some marriages are under strain if everything has to revolve around children to this extent. I also think it does a child no harm to know that up to a certain time it's family time, but after that it's time for them to do their own thing (or go to bed, depending on age) while the adults spend some time together. That's not 'banning' or 'excluding' kids imho, it's just family life.

I totally agree with this too.

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Nope, don't agree with this at all, sorry. It's their house too, why should they be made to leave because you want to watch something? Surely you can get a TV in the bedroom or another room if there's something you want to watch that you don't want them to?

Umm, but then presumably the OP would be roasted for 'abandoning' her DC to watch her own choice of programme? Also, why should grown adults have to skulk off to their bedrooms/other rooms in their own homes in order to watch their own choice of TV?

@JohnKettleyIsAWeatherman

you've said pretty much everything I'd have to say on this. 👍