To think it's fine to ask children to go to their room after a certain time

[TvWhatNot]

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

FFS.

I'm out. Feel free to keep making up shit that I haven't said.

For the final time.

I SAID IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL TO ASK.

@FluffyBooBoo

So when are you supposed to use it then?

Umm... Whenever suits. That's the whole joy of catch up TV! You can watch things when the kids have gone to bed, rather than needing to watch them live.

I'm not sure why people are struggling with this.

Again, not struggling, just baffled at the idea that catch-up TV is the answer to it all. What if the OP needs to go to bed herself at, say, 11pm and would like to watch things (on catch-up or otherwise) from say 9.30 but the kids are still in the living room? Should she catch up at midnight instead when they've gone to bed?

I found there is a bit of a window when this is necessary - late primary/early secondary. Now DS is nearly 14 he is welcome to watch whatever we are watching, and I really like it when he joins us.

if there’s an inappropriate programme you record it and watch it another time.
You say you went to bed at the same time as your parents. So when exactly is this other time?

I have to say all this stuff about it being 'mean' and child abuse is really weird. What on earth is wrong/mean/abusive about the idea of children and adults having separate time and space? Does it occur to anyone that the kids might like and need time alone or away from their parents as well?

Mine are 11 & 14. They both go upstairs at 9, the youngest has lights out at 9.30, eldest at 10 (during the week, bit later are weekends).

They both have tellys in their bedrooms. They are both perfectly happy with the arrangement.

When you said older children I guess I was envisaging 8 - 12 year olds although thinking about it they’d usually be in bed or at least in bedrooms by the time you’d be watching things that aren’t appropriate for them. The threshold is set for 9.00 PM to reflect the fact that in most households children are in bed by that time but I suppose it’s a little different for pre-teens/young teens and will vary from household to household.

Back in the day no one had televisions in their individual rooms (at least no one I knew), we’ve only got one in the past year. So if parents wanted to watch something that would happen in the living room or the tv room in my grandparents’ case.

It never bothered me as a child although of course I wanted to stay up. The times when I was allowed it felt special and I felt very grown up. I do not think everything needs to be centred around what children/teenagers want and actually I think some boundaries throughout are very important. It helps you to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you and is good preparation for the reality of life.

@BigSandyBalls2015

We never did this (DCs early 20s now), we liked having them around - they soon get to an age where they are out all the time. If me and DH wanted time alone we'd go out for a drink or dinner/cinema. Staring at a screen is hardly quality time with your other half anyway.

It's not always affordable or practicable to go out. Sometimes you want just quiet time at home with your partner.

'Staring at a screen' together absolutely counts as quality time for me and DP; it makes us both feel happy and relaxed to be sitting together at home, comfortable and eating chocolate and drinking tea. You can judge that if you like but there it is.
And it is possible to discuss what you're watching/have watched, which for us is also quality time.

In that case I am not sure. Both mine would have go e up their room to talk to friends or game or watch Netflix.
Also, by the time they were old enough to not have an actual bedtime, there wasn't that much that I would watch that they couldn't.

This ^

I mean, as they move into their teens, surely most dc disappear off to their bedrooms, by choice, anyway? I've never had to kick them out of the living room as they wouldn't have been there in the first place.

I don't disagree with you in principle, but that sort of applies to anyone in the family. Any of us can say "I'm booking the TV tonight" - and it might be to watch a big sporting event or it might be one of the teens because they have a load of mates coming to watch a film together or presumably it could be either me or dh or the two of us to watch something, and any of the rest of us would respect that the living room was "booked" and the rest of us need to go elsewhere. However, that is a once every few months thing, not a nightly thing.

My teen would much rather be in their bedroom, no need to send them up as it's difficult to persuade them down!

It's perfectly fine; I send the kids upstairs if I want to watch something "explicit". I provide an explanation as well.

That's fine, we do the same. We all need space. My children are lucky enough to have their own rooms full of toys, games,crafts etc and another TV with Netflix and Disney plus with a switch in our dining room so they can have their own time alone to or just time to themselves,.if you're together all the time it just doesn't work.

I wouldn't do this, but finding suitable tv can be a nightmare so we'll often play games together instead. They're always welcome to join. Our bedrooms are our private spaces so if I wanted to watch something alone I'd go to my room I suppose.

I think it’s fine. My 2 are 11 and 13 and they generally go to their rooms about 9pm so DH and I can watch more grown up TV. They go to bed at 9.45/10pm. Bridgerton, Fleabag, Killing Eve and Game of Thrones are only suitable for older teens I’d say. Even then I might not enjoy watching it together due to embarrassment.

I do this but then Dd sometimes take over the living room in the daytime and I’m excluded so it’s not hierarchical.

No I wouldn't ask any member of my family to leave the main living areas and sit in their bedroom alone for an evening. I wouldn't want it done to me so wouldn't do it to others, especially a child.

No TV program is that important.

DD comes down for the hour or so before bed to watch tv with us. I’m glad as I don’t want her on phone/computer just before bedtime. It’s a pain though!

No I would t do this. DS does spend most of his time in his room but I think it's awful to ban him from the front room in his own house!

I do have stuff that I won't watch in front of him but I just wait until he's out or fully engaged with the Xbox!

I had school friends who were banished upstairs which I thought was odd even as a kid in the 80s! That's probably coloured my view.

@IntermittentParps

if there’s an inappropriate programme you record it and watch it another time. You say you went to bed at the same time as your parents. So when exactly is this other time?

I have to say all this stuff about it being 'mean' and child abuse is really weird. What on earth is wrong/mean/abusive about the idea of children and adults having separate time and space? Does it occur to anyone that the kids might like and need time alone or away from their parents as well?

Well, they’d stay up on the odd occasion if they wanted to watch something.

Have you had teenagers? If they need time alone they will simply take themselves to their rooms where they already spend most of their living awake hours

My 13 yr old goes to bed at 9ish and we might put something different on then, but before that we might watch something all together like bake off or whatever. I wouldn't send her up earlier than this as I enjoy spending time with her.

We have never sent our dd up to her room so we could watch unsuitable things on TV. We either watched them when she was in bed or at a sleepover, and watched something suitable for us all when she was with us. However she would have just watched things like Vikings and and The Walking Dead with us if she was a young teenager, it's only a 12 or 15 certificate. If she thought what we were doing was 'boring' she would have taken herself off without being asked to her room or sat and played on her iPad while we watched. However, at age 13/14 she was still expected to go to bed before us (to sleep) so we did get an hour or so by ourselves- say at 10pm or so, so not too early. Teens still need lots more sleep than adults.

We are very lucky to have a playroom which is like a second living room with a sofa, TV and the Xbox is in there so my teen ds will usually spend his evening in there! But anyway, I think it's fine to send them to their room

Depends on many things, age, house layout, what they are doing , how often you want to do it etc.

From your example where they are sitting on tablet etc and not engaging anyway, i think it's okay to do that sometimes. However, having DC who ended up then disappearing up to their rooms as soon as dinner was finished and then having to then try to re-engage them with being with us in communal areas, I'd say do it in moderation before it becomes the norm.

It's really not so long before you can watch more adult programmes with them, you might miss this when they grow up, up in their bedrooms and you've missed those years. I'd have maybe a couple of nights a week DC free, a couple of nights where you positively engage in stuff with them and a couple of nights just casually hanging in the same space. You can decide what to do on the remaining day :)

Well, they’d stay up on the odd occasion if they wanted to watch something.
Adults in their own home are allowed only the odd occasion to do what they want?

Have you had teenagers? If they need time alone they will simply take themselves to their rooms where they already spend most of their living awake hours
No, although obviously I've been one and certainly used to do this.
But the point is that the OP would sometimes like time in the living room without them outside when they're in their rooms anyway.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I wouldn't want my kids having TVs in their bedrooms...although I do have TVs in more than one room downstairs. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending children out tbh - it's their home too.

Yes it's absolutely fine! If we waited until they were in bed asleep, we'd stay up really late every night just so we can watch what we want or have some chill time