To think it's fine to ask children to go to their room after a certain time

[TvWhatNot]

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

It’s a definite no from me, although I do miss alone time in the evening with dh. They will leave home soon enough, or be out with friends, and then I’ll miss them - making the most of our time with them.

No I wouldn’t do this- I’d watch something else while they were around rather than send them to their rooms. Why does my wanting to watch Squid Game trump their wanting to hang out?

Totally fine

@BlueTouchPaper

I wouldn't send my kids to bed so I could watch telly, no.

Not to bed, to watch TV / play their games in their room.

We hear a lot of parents complaining that dc spend all their time in their rooms and it's hard as a family. So l would encourage any staying in the main room as long as possible so they don't get too fond of going to their rooms. Then you miss them. Our dc are grown up now but never went to their rooms and as they got older, came from college etc it was always nice they stayed around. So no l wouldn't do it.

No, I don't do that. My kids have just as much freedom to use our house as I do. I don't hang out in their bedrooms (because they are messy), and they don't hang out in mine (because they don't want to), but I wouldn't kick them out of any of the communal rooms. If I really wanted to watch something inapproprate for teenagers, although I can't think of what that would be, I would just watch it on my laptop in bed.

My 5 year old often takes himself upstairs before bedtime.

He knows he can stay downstairs if he likes but he's got a double bed and YouTube. I don't blame him for not wanting to sit on the sofa with me!

My kids are slightly younger, I ask my eldest to read for half an hour in bed on a school night. On weekends we might watch something together earlier on, but we have a snug he will game in (I don't let him game on a school night so he's happy to do it on the weekend evenings!) if we didn't have a separate space I'd do similar to you I think, from about 9?

Not a problem at all.

Parents need some time to themselves too.

My 16 year old comes into my room to hang out on our bed and watch netflix on my tv pretty much every evening. We watch movies and series together and I like it as I know this time with her now is precious and short and I love just being with her.
All to soon she'll be off to university or will have a boyfriend she'd rather spend her time with so I am soaking it all up now.

That said I don't think I'd feel quite so precious about it when they're old enough to watch what I do, it's only because of what I'm watching I need them out currently!

@TvWhatNot

Thanks.

So I'm talking about kids who are too old to have a proper set bed time at weekends, like early teen upwards so just waiting until they go to bed (especially at the weekend) isn't much of an option.

Obviously young kids who to to bed at like 8pm is different as you could just wait until they are in bed.

My early (and even mid) teens still have a proper set bedtime. Later than when younger, but still a bedtime.

too

I think it's a horrible idea. It's their home too.
If you want time to yourself go to your own room.

I think it sets the wrong tone to be honest. Every family member should be welcome in the communal areas, until it's their bedtime, surely? By sending them out you're giving the impression that they aren't as important - and it's really important that they know each member of the family means as much as all of the others.

Mine is 10 and she has a set "bedtime" . I am less worried about her going to sleep and more concerned that she and I both get a bit of quiet wind down time. We spend the evening together until 8 and then she goes to her bedroom and either reads, colours or sleeps. He tech goes on charge in the living room until the morning. I'd assume it will be 9pm soon enough (and is on weekends) but she drops off between 8 and 8:30 often enough at the moment for me to stick to 8pm.

It's not unreasonable to want an hour on my own I don't think!

I tried to look back on my childhood and think how my parents handled it and I realised it was a combination of two things - 1) I sometimes went upstairs to do my own thing naturally anyway and 2) they normally just watched that content when I was around. They watched a lot of quite serious period dramas with a lot of violence and sex, I was a fairly mature teen so I got into those things too, though sometimes some of the scenes were a bit much for me. If it was too gory and I really didn't like it I would have gone upstairs.

I don't think what you're saying is an unreasonable thing to ask, I think it really depends on the kid, and their nature. Some are more mature than others, some naturally enjoy spending time by themselves and have hobbies that they would happily do upstairs. This would only be unreasonable if you couldn't frame it to them in a way they would understand.

Of course it’s okay.

My parents did this but I actually think it’s a bit unfair to exclude them from communal areas when they haven’t done anything wrong (ie haven’t been sent to their room as a punishment).

As a child I was always asked to go upstairs for a certain time, I could go downstairs and wherever else I wanted to in the house I wasn’t ‘banished’ as some posters have said. Parents do deserve an hour or so to themselves for their self care, be that watching TV, a bath, reading etc. I really enjoy having an hour or so to myself before I go to be to bed, to do whatever I want to do even if that is absolutely nothing! It fills up my jug so to speak (because you can’t pour from an empty one!).

At what point are they considered one of the grown ups? Is there an age related cut off? Or will you still be sending them up to bed when they’re 20 and visiting from uni?

I know all families are different but it’s nice to all be together - we hang out and have a laugh - mine are 10, 12, 13 - dh and I are larks so we all go to bed at the same sort of time. My eldest is often most open and chatty in the evening.

There are two other reception rooms in the house if someone is really desperate to be alone/watch something no one else wants to watch, but generally we’re together. No one ever really goes to their bedroom, except to sleep!

My parents didn't do this but then they didn't like each other so think they relied on me to break the awkwardness...I think it's important for DH and I to get some time to ourselves, so long as we are still getting some family time I don't see any issue in coordinating some couple time (or time alone, although I'd probably banish myself if I wanted the latter!) tbh it's not hard with boys who like to game!

Kind of works like that in our house - after 9pm the kids are upstairs and Dh and I have our sofa-and-tv-hour.

My son is 11 and just gone to secondary school. He’s now allowed to come down to watch TV with us until 9.30 on school nights. I usually have to go to bed not long after that myself, so our own TV viewing is taking a hit.
We are watching The Sopranos again and no way is that suitable for him! We watch things like Taskmaster with him.
We are asking him to go up once or twice a week so that we can have a ‘date night’.
I wouldn’t want to ask him to go up every night. It feels mean.

Also, by the time they were old enough to not have an actual bedtime, there wasn't that much that I would watch that they couldn't.
This really. If a child is old enough not to have a bedtime they’re old enough to watch most things with their parents I would think.