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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's fine to ask children to go to their room after a certain time

194 replies

TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 09:25

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 11:38

@Peanutbuttercupisyum

I would defo! But only because I have 3 girls v close in age and they would happily go upstairs and hang out together, reading/eating sweets/playing something/listening to some music. In fact they would probably prefer it to sitting downstairs with us whilst we keep shushing them so we can watch our programme. If I didn’t have s bunch of children, just one or two that weren’t going to hang out together, then no I wouldn’t send them away
I was the only child in the house from the age of about 9 and I still liked to spend time in my room reading/writing/drawing/listening to music etc. I don't see that it's a problem for a child to not have siblings to hang out with all the time.
Scbchl · 19/11/2021 11:42

Agree

FluffyBooBoo · 19/11/2021 11:47

What's that got to do with anything?

Because things don't have to be watched as they are broadcast. I'm not sure that it's a terribly difficult concept to grasp.

trevthecat · 19/11/2021 11:48

We do this. Youngest goes to bed around 7 anyway, so around half 7 the older two go up, play, watch TV in their room or ours etc. Later at weekends

trevthecat · 19/11/2021 11:48

We do this. Youngest goes to bed around 7 anyway, so around half 7 the older two go up, play, watch TV in their room or ours etc. Later at weekends

aSofaNearYou · 19/11/2021 11:48

@FluffyBooBoo

What's that got to do with anything?

Because things don't have to be watched as they are broadcast. I'm not sure that it's a terribly difficult concept to grasp.

Yes but unless they go upstairs/to bed at least an hour before you, there isn't going to be time for catching up, either.
FluffyBooBoo · 19/11/2021 11:49

So when are you supposed to use it then?

Umm... Whenever suits. That's the whole joy of catch up TV! You can watch things when the kids have gone to bed, rather than needing to watch them live.

I'm not sure why people are struggling with this.

SingItToWinIt · 19/11/2021 11:50

It's the one thing I miss about young dc - the pure joyful freedom every night!

We sometimes on a Friday or Saturday put something on when the dc know it's not suitable but I wouldn't do it everyday.

FluffyBooBoo · 19/11/2021 11:52

Yes but unless they go upstairs/to bed at least an hour before you, there isn't going to be time for catching up, either

I think most people can stay up an extra hour when and if they want to.. can't they? I'm definitely an early to bed kind of person, but occasionally even I stay up later than normal.

But as I said, if everyone is happy with it, it's not really a big deal.

EileenGC · 19/11/2021 11:53

It’s a cultural thing. No one would dream of sending kids upstairs in Spain, where I come from, it would be perceived as borderline child abuse Confused

For us, the house is a family space and everybody is welcome to spend time in it, wherever and whenever they want, regardless of ages. Everyone eats together (late, yes), watches the news together, if there’s an inappropriate programme you record it and watch it another time. I went to bed at the same time as my parents. Sending children or teens away for ‘adult time’ isn’t something I can quite grasp... I understand it’s what many do though.

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 11:53

@FluffyBooBoo

So when are you supposed to use it then?

Umm... Whenever suits. That's the whole joy of catch up TV! You can watch things when the kids have gone to bed, rather than needing to watch them live.

I'm not sure why people are struggling with this.

I'm not struggling with anything, I understand how catch up TV works.

My point was, if you're children are always there and you're not allowed to ask them to go upstairs, when are you supposed to "catch up" with it?

I've explicitly said I'm talking about older children who have a late bed time.

OP posts:
Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 11:53

If your*

OP posts:
Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 11:56

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

On a weekend our early teen doesn't have a specific bed time and sometimes stays up quite late. But I wouldn't want to watch The Walking Dead with them either

DS 14 would be totally unfazed by The Walking Dead.

That's great, not all parents want their 14 year old watching an 18+ rated TV series though with strong violence and sex scenes.
OP posts:
FluffyBooBoo · 19/11/2021 11:57

But I never said you weren't allowed to ask. I never even hinted at it.

I said that I don't see why it's necessary, but that if everyone is okay with it, it's not a big deal.

DriftingPlateTectonic · 19/11/2021 11:57

I have a 15yo and the issue I have is my DH isn't her dad and so I'd feel like I was choosing him over her if I asked her to go upstairs.
She spends most of her free time in her room but occasionally she'll come and sit with us which I enjoy.
It's quite liberating to read that most people think it's ok to have an hour or so just for the adults though!

Nyxly · 19/11/2021 11:58

@RandomLondoner

I would just wait till they were in bed and watch it then

My DD has had a bed-time (not decided by me) of 10-11pm since she was a baby. If I had this policy it would mean 18 years of not watching TV at all. (TV in the bedroom not an option.)

Maybe not as much as 18 years, but I don't want to watch sex scenes with a young teenager sitting next to me. In late middle-age I didn't even like watching them with my mother sitting next to me!

My dd didn't sleep. Much eotgerbut as she got older we still put her to bed, let her read. It was still bedtime wether she fell asleep at 8pm or 10pm or 11pm.

I very much doubt most people let their 2-12 year just stay up chilling in the living room till 11pm. I would say your situation is quite unusual that you allowed that

BurbageBrook · 19/11/2021 11:58

Have to say I think it’s really mean. I imagine families who spend more time together are likely to be closer when the kids grow up and become adults. If they’re early teens surely there are dramas you can watch together that weekend suitable. And it’s pretty sad not to want your teenagers’ company.

aSofaNearYou · 19/11/2021 11:59

@FluffyBooBoo

Yes but unless they go upstairs/to bed at least an hour before you, there isn't going to be time for catching up, either

I think most people can stay up an extra hour when and if they want to.. can't they? I'm definitely an early to bed kind of person, but occasionally even I stay up later than normal.

But as I said, if everyone is happy with it, it's not really a big deal.

TV shows are generally 10 episodes or so, I really don't get why you are don't see why people would question the logic that you could just stay up until 1am or whatever is way past everyone's bedtimes every time you want to watch one?
Flesh · 19/11/2021 11:59

Absolutely not. I never ever did this. I'd have hated it being done to me.

Think it's pretty weird. What do you say, Okay off you go! We don't want you in here anymore.

Wilkolampshade · 19/11/2021 12:02

@FluffyBooBoo I think the OP means older kids who are still mooching around until you yourself want to go up to bed. Which makes it tricky to use catch up.

By the time we got to this point (@around 14 ish? can't really remember) I think they had decided we were too boring to hang out with in the evening anyway, so had taken themselves off. Now, if either are around (19 and 22 years) I still say if I'm going to be watching something a bit murderey as both are more squeamish than me. Then they choose not to be there. It evens out as I don't always want to watch what they do and will absent myself etc.

Wilkolampshade · 19/11/2021 12:05

sorry @FluffyBooBoo reading back seems like I'm having a pop, really not meant that way!

lazylinguist · 19/11/2021 12:07

We have never actually sent our teens to their bedrooms so we can watch something. We quite often watch stuff all together. But if there's something just dh and I are watching, the dc will go and do their own thing or watch something together in the other room. It's never been a matter of asking or telling them to go away.

We also sometimes go away and do other things while they watch something in the living room. We all spend plenty of time together and enjoy each other's company. I don't really get what people are making such a big fuss about tbh. It's a room. Sometimes everyone's using it. At other times some are using it and others are doing other stuff elsewhere in the house. Confused

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/11/2021 12:12

We never did this (DCs early 20s now), we liked having them around - they soon get to an age where they are out all the time. If me and DH wanted time alone we'd go out for a drink or dinner/cinema. Staring at a screen is hardly quality time with your other half anyway.

fairylights82 · 19/11/2021 12:12

I think this is wrong on a number of levels. That time together is important and you really shouldn't be sending teens anywhere when they have an equal right to be there as much as you do.

IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 12:14

@FluffyBooBoo

What's that got to do with anything?

Because things don't have to be watched as they are broadcast. I'm not sure that it's a terribly difficult concept to grasp.

No, indeed, although thank you for the snark; but they do have to be watched when a person wants and has the time to watch them, which is often (and I assume is the case for the OP) in an evening.