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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine to ask children to go to their room after a certain time

194 replies

TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 09:25

So adults can watch what they want in the living room? Curious to gauge opinion.

I personally think it's fine to ask older children who would be up later, to go and play / watch TV in their room after a certain time so the adults can watch something themselves. I often watch programmes which I'd not want to watch with my DC so that's my opportunity to do so.

I was also expected to do the same growing up and it never bothered me.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:19

I think there's a difference between a 20 year old visiting from uni and a school aged child who is there 100% of the time.

Of course if it was a case of watching a film together or playing a game or whatever I wouldn't. But I wouldn't want my child hanging around the living room until we both went to bed every single night meaning me and DH could never watch anything or have an adult conversation. Half the time they aren't watching something with us either, it's headphones on glued to their tablet but it still prevents us from being able to watch anything that isn't appropriate for them to see.

Why does my wanting to watch Squid Game trump their wanting to hang out?

You could say it both ways couldn't you? Grin why does their wanting to sit silently on the sofa with headphones on instead of in their room, trump our wanting to watch TV?

I think "hanging out" is quite a different thing. We have movie nights or game nights etc.. and obviously wouldn't send them upstairs during those.

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 19/11/2021 10:19

I’m planning a 9pm kids in rooms rule. I’ll come back in 12 years to say how it plays out. OH and I are people outside of being parents and we need time for our relationship too. I’ve seen too many friends separate with regret that they didn’t spend time on that relationship.

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:20

@SpiceRat

Also, by the time they were old enough to not have an actual bedtime, there wasn't that much that I would watch that they couldn't. This really. If a child is old enough not to have a bedtime they’re old enough to watch most things with their parents I would think.
It depends what you're watching I guess.

On a weekend our early teen doesn't have a specific bed time and sometimes stays up quite late. But I wouldn't want to watch The Walking Dead with them either.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 10:21

I think it's fine. You need adult time on your own/with your partner and it's good for kids to understand and respect that.

FluffyBooBoo · 19/11/2021 10:22

I can see that it would have been useful when op was a child, but with catch up TV being a thing, I don't really see how it's necessary.

I wouldn't. But if the people being asked to leave are okay with it, then it's not really a big deal.

Latte40 · 19/11/2021 10:24

Yes!
I shout through and say something like 10 minutes then I'd like the lounge please. This is usually because they need to go shower, get bags ready for tomorrow, potter about and then they watch their own devices for half hour before lights off which they do no problem.

If what I'm going to watch is really really inappropriate I ask them to give me a kiss before they go and don't come back through.

I honestly can't see why adults having adults time is a bad thing? Kids don't feel banished or unloved- some things we watch together but mostly people watch their own stuff independently.

IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 10:27

@FluffyBooBoo

I can see that it would have been useful when op was a child, but with catch up TV being a thing, I don't really see how it's necessary.

I wouldn't. But if the people being asked to leave are okay with it, then it's not really a big deal.

with catch up TV being a thing, I don't really see how it's necessary. What's that got to do with anything Confused? The OP may very well want to watch something on catch-up in an evening.
Laiste · 19/11/2021 10:30

Well it's tricky.

DH and i are in bed by 10 (or earlier) because we have a really early start, so we'd have to send them up at 8 to get a film in properly.

I have a 7yo who we ''put ot bed'' 7ish but always plays in her room for a little while. I also have 3 older ones close in age, in their 20s now, and iirc they mostly policed themselves at that weird inbetween age and used to wander off upstairs at about 8 o'closk ish anyway.

OlympicProcrastinator · 19/11/2021 10:32

Encourage, yes. Demand / insist, no. I think it’s fine to pop a film on in their room or get some toys out there so they play in their room a bit before bed so you can watch some adult stuff. But I’d never want them to feel excluded or unable to stay if they wanted to. It’s their house too.

steppemum · 19/11/2021 10:34

If it works for you and your family, fine.

At the moment, my two who are left at home are 14 and 16, and they spend most time in their rooms, so when they are downstairs and want to be with us, I will watch absolutely anything they want so that we can enjoy that nice hour together.

We usually get an hour on Saturday evening, and then they drift off!

fitsandgiggles · 19/11/2021 10:36

Yes we do this, youngest goes down at 7 and oldest goes up but sits in room with tv, ipad, or playing on switch etc to be fair she enjoys that more but always knows she's free to come down for drink, to see us etc

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:40

with catch up TV being a thing, I don't really see how it's necessary

So when are you supposed to use it then? Grin

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogling · 19/11/2021 10:41

Nope, don't agree with this at all, sorry. It's their house too, why should they be made to leave because you want to watch something? Surely you can get a TV in the bedroom or another room if there's something you want to watch that you don't want them to?

Doomscrolling · 19/11/2021 10:42

Here we sometimes “book” the living room. So if DD15 and her mates want to have a film night the rest of us will leave them to it. Ditto DS planning an Occulus meet up online so we leave the living room to him from 10 or whatever.

Similarly we may say “we’re going to have the living room on Wednesday from 9 because there’s a series we want to watch.

It’s give and take.

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:42

I don't think banish is the right word really either. I would say 'can you take that upstairs now please?' if their on their screens in the living room when it got to a certain time. I wouldn't banish them from stepping foot in the living room again that evening if they wanted to come and ask us something or get a drink/snack.

OP posts:
Atozofpoodles · 19/11/2021 10:44

Yes, thats what we do, although if they want yo talk something over for a shortbperiod, we pause it.

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:44

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Nope, don't agree with this at all, sorry. It's their house too, why should they be made to leave because you want to watch something? Surely you can get a TV in the bedroom or another room if there's something you want to watch that you don't want them to?
I'm sure if me and DH shut ourselves in our room to watch something on TV we'd be accused of being awful for not hanging out with them still. Whether we go upstairs or they do, the end result is still the same is it not?
OP posts:
pointythings · 19/11/2021 10:44

Your argument hinges on them having screens in their bedrooms, which we didn't allow until they were older teens. And by that point anything I wanted to watch, they could also watch.

Original poster
TvWhatNot · 19/11/2021 10:45

@pointythings

Your argument hinges on them having screens in their bedrooms, which we didn't allow until they were older teens. And by that point anything I wanted to watch, they could also watch.
I guess. Although they could read or do whatever else they do when not watching TV in their room?

Ours are allowed to watch Netflix in their room though so yes I guess it's easier.

OP posts:
Shimmyshimmycocobop · 19/11/2021 10:46

No I wouldn't and didn't do this, don't remember my parents doing it either.

IME when the kids were young enough for a bedtime you got adult time in the evenings and when in their teens they spent most of their time in their rooms anyway.
If they ever did want to watch TV with me I was always happy to do so and pathetically grateful that they wanted to hang out with me. Grin

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 19/11/2021 10:47

We don't have this problem with DS 14 as he only comes out of his room to eat, have a bath, go to the toilet, go to school and go out with friends. Halloween Grin If we did, DH would ask him to leave after dinner, as apparently even being in the kitchen next door to cook pizza for DS 10's packed lunch when he was in preschool was an invasion of his space. Halloween Hmm

RandomLondoner · 19/11/2021 10:50

I would just wait till they were in bed and watch it then

My DD has had a bed-time (not decided by me) of 10-11pm since she was a baby. If I had this policy it would mean 18 years of not watching TV at all. (TV in the bedroom not an option.)

Maybe not as much as 18 years, but I don't want to watch sex scenes with a young teenager sitting next to me. In late middle-age I didn't even like watching them with my mother sitting next to me!

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 19/11/2021 10:54

On a weekend our early teen doesn't have a specific bed time and sometimes stays up quite late. But I wouldn't want to watch The Walking Dead with them either

DS 14 would be totally unfazed by The Walking Dead.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 19/11/2021 11:15

I would defo!
But only because I have 3 girls v close in age and they would happily go upstairs and hang out together, reading/eating sweets/playing something/listening to some music. In fact they would probably prefer it to sitting downstairs with us whilst we keep shushing them so we can watch our programme.
If I didn’t have s bunch of children, just one or two that weren’t going to hang out together, then no I wouldn’t send them away

HarrisMcCoo · 19/11/2021 11:19

This topic causes tension in our house....

DH watches shows with older DC in living room which I have no interest in. On rare occasions, they watch a movie and I sit in too to watch this.

I am fed up of it, tbh. DH and I used to watch loads of series together but have not in years as older DC want to watch stuff 7pm onwards.

I would love to watch stuff with DH that isn't suitable for teens/tweens.

Glad it's not just myself who goes through this.

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