In not wanting to work?

[Cornhill]

I know I’m going to get a certain amount of hate for this, but I’m just writing about how I feel - not necessarily saying I am going to do anything about it.

I don’t want to work. I recently went back after having my first baby and I hate it. I feel like I’m stuffed in a building throughout the day, not getting to enjoy life at all. It all feels frantic, getting up rushing, rushing around all day, then at home just waiting until bedtime then start it all again.

My flexible working application was denied. I am looking for part time jobs but it’s extremely rare one actually comes up and the chances of a part time job being advertised within commutable distance and that I am successful in my application for seems pretty remote.

It seems so unfair on Dh to be the sole earner and I know all the arguments against being a SAHM. But life is so relentless. Things get forgotten about because just so busy.

I’m feeling fed up and grouchy about it all.

Ditto! Hate it. Hate working 40 hour weeks and trying to run a house on top. How did we become a society where work has to prioritise family life. It’s shocking.

@AntiMaskersAreTwats

Well I didn’t did I I said that it can sometimes be damaging. I feel you’re very touchy about this subject Did I hit a nerve?

Haha nice try. I'm very secure in the choices I've made.

However, I research this for a living so people making sweeping generalisations based on anecdata annoys me a tad!

Yes it’s hard and if you hate your job then it’s no surprise you feel the way you do. But you need to be realistic. 50% of marriages fail, DP might get sick , loose his job ….. relying on one income is risky, unless you have savings , investments etc. Have you considered the medium and long term plans , retirement etc? Whatever choice you make - do it with your eyes wide open.

Of course yanbu. I haven’t worked in 15 years, since having my second child. I was made redundant whilst pregnant. I can’t imagine working now. If we couldn’t afford it I’d be happy to go back though.

The thing is Furzbush...many of us do find it hard to work AND take our kids to activities and be better parents. My boss for example wouldnt let me leave the hospital at 3pm to take dd to ballet. I did feel like i was underperforming at work and home and torn between the 2. Still do.

Apparently thete is a great resignation going on...not surprised
My agency wanted me to do a days work at a care home with no pay the other day under the guise of " induction." I told them nah thanks...my time is worth money.

Here's hoping employers take note and we can achieve better work/ life balance.

Can you ask for a career break?

@malificent7

The thing is Furzbush...many of us do find it hard to work AND take our kids to activities and be better parents. My boss for example wouldnt let me leave the hospital at 3pm to take dd to ballet. I did feel like i was underperforming at work and home and torn between the 2. Still do.

Apparently thete is a great resignation going on...not surprised
My agency wanted me to do a days work at a care home with no pay the other day under the guise of " induction." I told them nah thanks...my time is worth money.

I wouldn’t expect to be able to take my child to a mid-afternoon class during a working day, either, to be honest, though. We’ve generally had to have DS do activities that meet at after school, later or at weekends. Or not.

Can you afford to stop work for a few years while your DC or maybe DC’s are at school? If DH is ok with this then I’d do it. You’ll have time to think about what job you’d like to do and maybe after a bit more time off you’ll want to return. Looking after young children is hard. Many mothers return to work but wish they didn’t have to so don’t feel bad. Follow your heart

@Meruem

The only other persons opinion that matters in this scenario is that of your DH. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It’s your life and you need to be happy with it, within the constraints of what’s possible of course. Can you as a family afford you to be a SAHM?

People will say but what about your pension or if you split up etc etc. Those are future unknowns. If you’re not happy in the here and now then what’s the point of sticking with it “just in case”. There will be other jobs later on if you decide to return to work. I didn’t work full time for 10 years when I had DC ( a few years stay at home and a few part time) and I still managed to have a career afterwards. I don’t regret it at all and have many fond memories from when my DC were little.

I’m now in my 50s and have gone part time again. Just because I want more time to myself. You only get one life, live it in the way that works for you and your family.

I agree with every word of this.

I have a really strong work ethic I think, but recently quit a high pressure (but not very highly paid!) role in the legal public sector because I was so miserable. Didn’t have anything to go to other than a freelance academic role which I know most people would not consider to be ‘enough’ in terms of hours and pay compared to what I‘should’ be doing. But so what? I’m earning, using my skills and happy. And who even cares or should care about whether you are earning other than your partner? It’s no one else’s business.

I used to love work and working but as I approach 50, I am getting tired of it. I wouldn’t be able to afford to give up but I do fantasise constantly about winning the lottery. I understand where you are coming from.

@malificent7

Here's hoping employers take note and we can achieve better work/ life balance.

100% this. Part-time for everybody

Hey - just wanted to drop in and say I feel you. I’m a teacher, mum of two very littlies And hate commuting (same as you, about 15/20 mins but it’s the worst!)/the crazy busy life (get home, make dinner, bedtime routine crash into bed and snooze). Even the holidays are jammed full of trying to fit in all the things I feel the kids are missing out on because me and my partner work full time! Half term was lovely, but soooo busy I came back to school feeling frazzled!
So I get you. It’s a bit shit.

Here's the thing...you are not being unreasonable in not wanting to work. You would be unreasonable in not working if you need to work to maintain a decent lifestyle for your family. Many of us don't want to work, or are stuck in jobs that are less than ideal. But we work anyway, as we have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle...in most cases, a roof over our heads and food on the table.

Best of luck finding something that suits you better! Until then, remember that one generally gets out of a job what one puts in it, to one degree or another.

It’s nobody else’s business apart from yours and your husband’s, but tbh I do think this is part of the reason why a lot of men laugh at the concept of the patriarchy. Having the choice not to work is a female privilege 99% of the time, almost never a man’s prerogative.

I totally get what you mean Op , it’s a shame going part time has been denied. Would private tutoring be an option at all ? Although I guess it would mean working early evenings / or at least outside of school hours and I don’t know how much tutors earn (so it’s probably a daft suggestion!)

@EightWheelGirl

It’s nobody else’s business apart from yours and your husband’s, but tbh I do think this is part of the reason why a lot of men laugh at the concept of the patriarchy. Having the choice not to work is a female privilege 99% of the time, almost never a man’s prerogative.

No, that's not why. EightWheelGirl.

When I had my first 26 years ago it was rare for anyone to go back to work. Four years later a few people were going back but it still wasn’t often until the children were school or pre-school age. Work out how much you need each month and earn that amount until they start school.

I feel the same OP, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January and I've just started back on reduced hours. I hate it! Think I'm stuck between 'living life to the full' and having to just get on with it. I totally relate though 😘

@EightWheelGirl

It’s nobody else’s business apart from yours and your husband’s, but tbh I do think this is part of the reason why a lot of men laugh at the concept of the patriarchy. Having the choice not to work is a female privilege 99% of the time, almost never a man’s prerogative.

It's really not.

Women's career development and their participation in the labour market is very complex and is most certainly heavily influenced by societal expectations.

There are some interesting problems with comprehension on here, certainly.

I have a strong work erhic but rhe nature of the workplace has become so competetive thar it can be almost unbearable.

I don't think many of us genuinely want to work. I'm a single working mum and I don't want to work! But I don't want to rely on a man for money and never would, so work it is.

@EightWheelGirl

It’s nobody else’s business apart from yours and your husband’s, but tbh I do think this is part of the reason why a lot of men laugh at the concept of the patriarchy. Having the choice not to work is a female privilege 99% of the time, almost never a man’s prerogative.

Men can complain about this when they do their fair share of parenting and housework. I don't know ANY couples where the man and woman both work and split everything else equally, the woman always ends up doing more.

@Yespresh

When I had my first 26 years ago it was rare for anyone to go back to work. Four years later a few people were going back but it still wasn’t often until the children were school or pre-school age. Work out how much you need each month and earn that amount until they start school.

It wasn't that rare in working class families. All the women in my family have always worked, they couldn't afford not to.