In not wanting to work?

[Cornhill]

I know I’m going to get a certain amount of hate for this, but I’m just writing about how I feel - not necessarily saying I am going to do anything about it.

I don’t want to work. I recently went back after having my first baby and I hate it. I feel like I’m stuffed in a building throughout the day, not getting to enjoy life at all. It all feels frantic, getting up rushing, rushing around all day, then at home just waiting until bedtime then start it all again.

My flexible working application was denied. I am looking for part time jobs but it’s extremely rare one actually comes up and the chances of a part time job being advertised within commutable distance and that I am successful in my application for seems pretty remote.

It seems so unfair on Dh to be the sole earner and I know all the arguments against being a SAHM. But life is so relentless. Things get forgotten about because just so busy.

I’m feeling fed up and grouchy about it all.

You feel how you feel. YANBU, and these are perfectly reasonable things to be down about.

All I can say is I just left a job because I had twins after a toddler this year and my return to work from our oldest was the same as you describe. Miserable and unsupportive.

Two weeks after leaving I found my dream job, was totally open with them from the start about the babies ages and they have been completely supportive. I love it, and feel like I have won the lottery.

Being a SAHM may or may not be for you, but it isn't a decision you have to take for life and you don't have to stick with a job you don't want.

Just leave life is far too short and enjoy you’re little baba. Things always work out.

I hated it too! I took 7yrs off and now have a shot part time job 3 days whilst the kids are at school.

Do what you can afford to do - if you can stop work or change jobs to get less hrs then do it! You don’t get this time back x

YANBU.
I gave up work for a year because I hated my job and needed some time to get the house and 4 kids organised. I’d been spinning plates.
It’s been 5 years now - DH makes little jokes about my returning to work so I just told him that I don’t want to. I’m doing part time training now to have a career change (I was a teacher) and when qualified I’ll work a max of 3 hrs a day.
If you can as a couple afford fir you not to work then don’t. Enjoy your kids.

It is not unreasonable but until you try part time it’s hard to gauge it fully. I changed jobs to a more flexible professional role and requalified a bit. When it has been hard I have stuck with it as I worked hard to get where I am and don’t want to start again/ get left behind. School hours are difficult. If your husband is ambitious and enjoys his work then I would not see it as being hard on him. In my experience when given freedom to do so through lack of responsibility at home the other partner’s job gets so big that it is necessary to support them a lot and they are unreliable. So either way we work hard I am afraid….

If you can afford to work less then more flexible options include being on your local councils Temporary Staff Service so you work as and when required; elections, ad hoc administration etc. Zero Hour contracts do work if you find the right role. I currently have 4 zero hours jobs; I love the flexibility and variety it offers. Another benefit is I don't have any gaps in my employment history when I do apply for other work. But i am aware this has worked for our family as my husband has a steady full time income. It also meant we have never had any childcare costs as one of us was always home. Good luck with what you decide.

YANBU many people feel like this. I always tell people you spend a big part of your life at work (I include SAHM as work) so make sure you’re happy. Talk to your DH about what you both want as parents and individually career/income generation wide, then either work towards finding a job that allows you more flexibility or managing your finances so you can be a SAHM. Whatever you choose or have to do is, as others have said, between you and your DH.

What do you do? Do you like it? I do accounts and have worked part time since having ds's, still do even though they are teens, and never intend to work full time again. I love it.

I didn't want to go back to work after 5 years of being a stay at home mum - so I went to uni and became a SaLT - love my job and the team I work with! Can you retrain or find something you would enjoy doing?

YANBU. It's a grind. Is your husband helping you enough? Can you get a cleaner?

High OP, apologies but I lost the will to live half way through you trying to explain your situation. As a TA it would be madness to jump down into that role and you are right the money socks. I get there is no solution we can give but you have my whole hearted support. I get it, working in a school is full on in a way most people wouldn't comprehend. Hats off to you. I also get that wanting to be with your child is also a natural desire so know where your are coming from. No words of wisdom but 🥰 and you work your way through this phase of your life. ❤

#sucks

Omg OP so many typos. It's not even that late 🤣 hope you got what I mean.

Why doesn't your DH take his son to nursery?
You say he's WFH so easy for him to feed, change and drive him there. That would at least alleviate your morning stress levels.
On another note. Why not look for a p/t job in another sector? Teaching isn't the only profession with benefits.

I also think that, if your DH is earning a salary comparable to yours, 5k pm is MORE than adequate for 2.5 to live on and many could live a comfortable life on your salary alone.

I’ve been a SAHM for 10 years and I can honestly say I wouldn’t change it for the world. I saw every milestone, was always available emotionally and physically and have such a close relationship with the children now. I’m just starting to think about doing a few hours tutoring a day (ex teacher) as we want to send the children to private school. I saw all my full time working friends completely stressed out, missing time with their children etc. And thought that I’d rather budget very carefully and stay at home instead. My best friend works long hours in the city as does her husband, have al the money in the world but her children are feral! All are failing in school, getting into trouble and have mental health problems. One of her children is on course to fail GCSE maths and the school asked for a meeting a month ago…she still hasn’t had the time to arrange it. I think that sometimes the pursuit of money and career can be damaging to children.

It sounds fine as long as your DP supports the idea and he is able to keep the family afloat without benefits as you are fully able to work you'd just be choosing not to.

OP have you spoken to your union?

I asked for a part time return after having ds and was told no. Because they wouldn't be able to find anyone else.

The union hit the roof and made them advertise the role, they did find someone perfect and I went down to 3 days a week.

I don't think they can reasonably refuse an application for flexible working by saying 'we won't be able to find anyone good enough'.

Worth a chat to your rep perhaps.

I too am a teacher

@AntiMaskersAreTwats

I’ve been a SAHM for 10 years and I can honestly say I wouldn’t change it for the world. I saw every milestone, was always available emotionally and physically and have such a close relationship with the children now. I’m just starting to think about doing a few hours tutoring a day (ex teacher) as we want to send the children to private school. I saw all my full time working friends completely stressed out, missing time with their children etc. And thought that I’d rather budget very carefully and stay at home instead. My best friend works long hours in the city as does her husband, have al the money in the world but her children are feral! All are failing in school, getting into trouble and have mental health problems. One of her children is on course to fail GCSE maths and the school asked for a meeting a month ago…she still hasn’t had the time to arrange it. I think that sometimes the pursuit of money and career can be damaging to children.

I’m sure you can’t actually be saying that your friend’s children MH difficulties and school failure is due to having a WOHM.

DH and I have always agreed that we would want as much time as possible with our children (we only have one atm). We agreed that we would always have one of us home if we possibly could way back when we were first dating. (Not necessarily one SAHP and one working FT, but the equivalent of a SAHP between us.) We're lucky in that we knew that far back so we planned for it, but you're definitely not BU. Obviously, what's reasonable for you to do depends on your circumstances as a family, but you're not unreasonable for wanting it.

@Furzebush Actually yes, I do think it has contributed massively in this instance. They have no time to take them to any activities, no time for meetings with school when anything is wrong, are super stressed all weekend and end up losing their tempers. The children come home from school to an empty house and then game/walk the streets until they get home at 7pm. Dinner is never earlier than 8.30pm. They are too knackered to enforce bedtime.

@AntiMaskersAreTwats

I’ve been a SAHM for 10 years and I can honestly say I wouldn’t change it for the world. I saw every milestone, was always available emotionally and physically and have such a close relationship with the children now. I’m just starting to think about doing a few hours tutoring a day (ex teacher) as we want to send the children to private school. I saw all my full time working friends completely stressed out, missing time with their children etc. And thought that I’d rather budget very carefully and stay at home instead. My best friend works long hours in the city as does her husband, have al the money in the world but her children are feral! All are failing in school, getting into trouble and have mental health problems. One of her children is on course to fail GCSE maths and the school asked for a meeting a month ago…she still hasn’t had the time to arrange it. I think that sometimes the pursuit of money and career can be damaging to children.

You can't make generalisations about all working parents based on what you know about one family.

I feel the same as you. Im on maternity at the minute. I am due back in May. I am dreading it already & have been since being off. I hate my job. I want part time too. I would love to be a SAHM but with our lifestyle it wouldn't be possible 🥺

Well I didn’t did I I said that it can sometimes be damaging. I feel you’re very touchy about this subject Did I hit a nerve?

[quote AntiMaskersAreTwats]@Furzebush Actually yes, I do think it has contributed massively in this instance. They have no time to take them to any activities, no time for meetings with school when anything is wrong, are super stressed all weekend and end up losing their tempers. The children come home from school to an empty house and then game/walk the streets until they get home at 7pm. Dinner is never earlier than 8.30pm. They are too knackered to enforce bedtime.[/quote]
Then you’re talking about two dysfunctional people who are unable to manage their workloads or for some other reason aren’t able to cope with day to day life, not two ordinary working parents. Or, as you claim that all your working friends are also ‘completely stressed out’, I’d suspect a confirmation bias is at play where you’re validating your own choice not to work for a decade. Most working parents manage to combine work and taking their children to activities and supporting their schoolwork without it being desperately stresssful.