Fat comment by MIL
Anoart1 · 19/11/2021 06:18
Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.
RampantIvy · 19/11/2021 08:14
she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition.
Which culture does this? It isn't one I have heard of before.
IamnotSethRogan · 19/11/2021 08:15
Urgh they're awful. Also my youngest was 7 by the time I (recently) lost my baby weight so 2 isn't bad at all!
MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 19/11/2021 08:17
Absolutely disrespectful to a high degree.
If they think you're fat, what would they make if me at size 18. I wouldn't give two craps and as I am curvy and proud. My husband tells me am beautiful everyday and he would never allow someone to talk to me like tha
I used to have a friend who whenever she would see would instantly tell me I have gained weight. And I was like a 12 then but told I was fat. Size 12 is not fat all all.
They are both very rude.
What country /culture is this that they can be so cheeky
IsAnybodyListening · 19/11/2021 08:18
This reminds me of the time my MIL said she had something for me. She then gifted me a suit in a size 22.....the problem was at the time I was a 10-12. When I commented it would wrap around me twice she came out with this gem I have remembered years later ''You are not as thin as you think you are''.
MIL is a size 6-8 and firmly believes everyone over that is fat. She is a bit of a tit.
DrManhattan · 19/11/2021 08:19
What culture is this?
Whatever it is, I would take those dresses to a charity shop.
LookItsMeAgain · 19/11/2021 08:20
My advice - Ditch both of them and you've miraculously dropped around 22 stone!
The fact that your husband didn't have your back when his mother came out with that statement is awful. The fact that your mother in law thought it was acceptable to comment on your weight is also awful.
I'd lose weight and then lose them both. They don't deserve you!
I have clothes in my wardrobe that I plan on fitting into them again. I don't know when but I've held on to them because I like them.
Pikachu2015 · 19/11/2021 08:21
Ugh MiL sounds awful but I also think DH is the one that needs to wisen up and realise you won't put up with disloyalty. It sounds awful and suspect your DH (at the moment) would support her (crazy) actions which is not good for your wellbeing.
SmallPrawnEnergy · 19/11/2021 08:21
Abusive relationships aren’t always just husband and wife. The way she is treating you isn’t right. If she come into your house and STEALS your possessions I think I would call the police in all honesty. Can you get a lock for the them / your bedroom door? Your husband sounds equally awful. What’s your relationship with him like in general?
venusmay · 19/11/2021 08:23
Put your foot down! What a bloody cheek! I'd give your dh an earful and tell MIL to do one too. Perhaps she'd like a taste of her own medicine and you could comment on her wrinkles or jowls.
bubblebath62636 · 19/11/2021 08:23
Shocking behaviour by them both op!
I'm a size 20 (actually obese!) and MIL or DH have never made comments about my weight. What's wrong with some people?
LookItsMeAgain · 19/11/2021 08:23
Either lock your room or lock your wardrobe or better still, take all your clothes out that you like and want to hang on to for any reason and leave a single solitary dress or jumper or tshirt hanging up in the wardrobe for her to 'browse' through.
If you're feeling enraged, I'd retort with "Well, I'll be travelling back with you to take back what is mine. Don't take my clothes. They are mine and you do not have permission to go through my stuff and 'take what you fancy', now piss off you old hag!"
NowEvenBetter · 19/11/2021 08:23
Imagine finding such a shit man appealing , marrying the fucker, and choosing to stay married to him and his awful relatives. Do people not want to enjoy their lives?
timeisnotaline · 19/11/2021 08:24
They are all awful. I think you need to hide the dresses as it doesn’t sound like you will be able to stop her looking through your wardrobe. I would hide them, and go out before she comes, possibly to a hotel for the night- do you have access to money?
I too like a pp said would rather burn them in front of her than give them back.
BackBackBack · 19/11/2021 08:25
As is so often the case, this isn't a MIL problem, it's a DH problem.
OP your husband is a spineless shit. Why on earth isn't he standing up for you and telling his appallingly rude mother to button it?
DontKnowWhatToThink7 · 19/11/2021 08:33
Do not let this awful woman into your home. Who the fuck does she think she is?
OldTinHat · 19/11/2021 08:44
What a bitch. As others have said, put a lock on your wardrobe or even a chain through the handles with a padlock. Make sure you're in and lock your front door from the inside/put the chain across/leave your key in the lock on the inside so she can't waltz in.
And of course your MIL is a size 8 and doesn't have an ounce of fat anywhere? Yeah, right...! Perhaps point that out and give her a leaflet for Slimming World or Weight Watchers and say it would be worth her going along.
MrsJBaptiste · 19/11/2021 08:44
You do realise that life isn't always straightforward and easy?
BertramLacey · 19/11/2021 08:46
She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!
I'd get them out of the house now. She sounds like the sort who would turn up at any point. Charity shop, friend's house, work, anywhere she can't get at. Then I'd have a serious think about whether you want to continue with this in your life. Your husband needs to be stepping up to support you against her. If he can't do that you may be looking at more nuclear options. Having the pair of them bully and belittle you in your own home will wear you down very quickly.
And as you know, these comments aren't helping you with your weight. They're probably not intending to - they just want to reduce your self esteem and keep you under the thumb.
Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 19/11/2021 08:47
She sounds awful. I hope you've got somewhere she can't access where you can hide the clothes you want to keep that you will wear when you've lost the weight.
Though I completely understand the impetus which means you are eating more after these criticisms, if you could at all harness the anger and channel it to "I'll show them all" and start losing the weight so that you can get back into those clothes, you'd probably feel a lot happier. I know myself how difficult it is to get into the right frame of mind, particularly when other people are putting their oar in, so I'm not criticising you in the least.
Good luck with everything.
DrManhattan · 19/11/2021 08:49
Totally agree. Do you think the penny ever drops?
Hodgehog · 19/11/2021 08:51
Why are you allowing her to speak to you like that ?
I’d have pointed out she was looking old/ugly these days or told her to mind her fucking business.
And if I caught her going through my wardrobe I’d have thrown her out of my house.
Dontbekatty · 19/11/2021 08:58
Sometimes in a marriage a person (often a woman I’m afraid) can get so worn down by her family/partner that she can’t see clearly what’s reasonable and what’s unreasonable. This is such unpleasant, nasty bullying behaviour from what probably feels like everyone around you.
Stand up to that witch of a MIL and set your husband straight. That fucker should be fighting your corner. He needs to shape up or ship out.
I’m sorry you’re surrounded by these people.
They should be doing better by you.
TwinkFlutterby · 19/11/2021 09:00
Blimey, what a house of horrors, OP. I'd get a lock on your wardrobe door if she genuinely thinks it's ok to go poking around in your wardrobe uninvited, as it sounds as if saying no isn't going to stop her.
However, I would be tempted to return everything she has ever given you, just to remove any sense of obligation.
The only thing I think you're being a bit wrong-headed about is when you say It’s actually making me eat more. Nothing can 'make you eat more'. You're either using her as an excuse to eat more, or giving her a power she doesn't deserve.
DandyHighwayWoman · 19/11/2021 09:04
Chchchanger · 19/11/2021 09:07
Oh she has zero boundaries she will have no problem opening my wardrobes. She once complained she was trying to open a suitcase in my wardrobe but couldn’t as I locked it! I really hate this woman. I have over the years really tried to see the best in her. She is awful.
Padlock it closed.
But really do you want this marriage?
A man who lets his mother tell you you're fat, and it's OK to go in your wardrobe.
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