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Fat comment by MIL
298

Anoart1 · 19/11/2021 06:18

Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.

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Foghead · 19/11/2021 07:38

Tell her you’re keeping them to wear when the opportunity arises. You can probably get them adjusted.

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C8H10N4O2 · 19/11/2021 07:40

I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”

Why? What stopped you simply pointing out that its extremely rude to make such comments about your weight?

When I rule the world, all girls will have assertiveness training on the school curriculum. Its never too late to learn, you can find some basic training online but being able to respond and express yourself in these situations can be life changing.

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PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 19/11/2021 07:40

I have to agree with her about you losing weight.

You need to lose around 20st. Your cowardly husband and his opinionated mother.

Good luck.

Also - if you do decide to have a clear out of your clothes...sell them or donate them to a charity shop.
Your husbands family can purchase their own clothing.

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PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 19/11/2021 07:41

Also, my DH called me grumpy earlier, so my initial response to your MIL would have been "Mind your own fucking business, you toxic bitch"...but I've calmed down a bit now Halo

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Bagelsandbrie · 19/11/2021 07:42

You have surrounded yourself with cruel people. I’d try and look at why this is. You deserve better. Much better. Tell them all to fuck off!!

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SeaOfGalilea · 19/11/2021 07:43

I never heard of the tradition of MIL giving the bride dresses for her wedding. Is this a cultural practice?

(and you should just politely but firmly tell your MIL that it's rude to make remarks on people's appearance, and that you will be keeping your clothes)

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Soundslike · 19/11/2021 07:44

In present giving, you don't ask for gifts back. A 5 year old knows this.
In social interaction, you never call someone fat, ever. This woman has no manners. Is she bad or mad? Either way you need to get away from this nasty person.

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Riverlee · 19/11/2021 07:44

Your mil is a bitch from hell. We all have clothes we don’t wear at the moment, for whatever reason.

Don’t let her in or near your wardrobe. If you can’t stop her, then remove the clothes (I have a bag in the loft of’ spare’ clothes), (and replace with a leather gimp suitGrin!).

I’ve never heard of a mil helping herself to her dil clothes before.

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hotmeatymilk · 19/11/2021 07:46

Fucking hell, your MIL, DH, sisters and SIL are all terrible. Lock your wardrobe. Enforce some boundaries. Think about leaving the whole fucking family.

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Divebar2021 · 19/11/2021 07:47

This is so far away from polite or kind behaviour from a family member that I don’t even know how I’d handle it. I take it this woman is very present in your life and dominant about other matters? I think you’ve got to take a stand and mean it even if it causes a rumpus in the extended family. There has to be a point where you’re not passive when they start being rude otherwise this is how it will be for ever more… she’s not going to suddenly start being kind and considerate.

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phishy · 19/11/2021 07:47

YANBU at all, that’s not right. Are you Asian? I am and I also have a lot of clothes given to me as gifts when I got married, (including from my MIL).

The clothes are all a size 10 and I’m size 14 now!

I doubt my MIL or anyone else even remembers the clothes, they’re tucked away in the attic in case I’m ever a size 10 again or if I decide to give them away.

It’s none of your MIL’s business what you do with them, I bet you gave her gifts too and wouldn’t dream of asking for them back.

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PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 19/11/2021 07:49

@Anoart1

MIL is generally very cruel so I don’t know why this hurt more than usual. She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!

Didn't see this...
Take out what you want to keep and lock it in a suitcase. See if a friend would keep it in their loft.
Any others that you think she might want to steal for her daughter, have a nasty accident with a pair of scissors. 😈
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Bargoed · 19/11/2021 07:53

Frankly if you are in the UK or another country where you have the ability and safety net to leave with your children-kick the fuck off! Make your husband understand that dealing with the consequences of this will cost him far more than dealing with his mother.

Shane them in the Community as well let it be know why you are kicking off as you are in ethnicity I think you are - those gifts are yours in a very exclusive way by tradition.

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phishy · 19/11/2021 07:53

@Anoart1

MIL is generally very cruel so I don’t know why this hurt more than usual. She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!

I missed this too. Why do you put up with this @Anoart1?

As a starter, can you pack/lock all of them away and keep them somewhere safe?

Also, could you get a lock for your bedroom door?

But really this woman shouod not be allowed in to your home at all.
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Santaischeckinglists · 19/11/2021 07:54

Hide all but the least fav.
Cut it up and let her see you using a bit as a cloth..
Tell her you intend to reuse them all this way. Save you a fortune in cloths!

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supermoonrising · 19/11/2021 07:55

Sounds to me like you need a divorce and, more generally, to practice assertive and not tolerating assholes.

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3scape · 19/11/2021 07:55

Get rid of the hideous things in your life. The MIL the DH. It will be much easier to focus on whatever goals you choose for yourself afterwards.

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loislovesstewie · 19/11/2021 07:56

@Anoart1

MIL is generally very cruel so I don’t know why this hurt more than usual. She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!

Sorry OP, but you need to tell her she WON'T. How dare she look through your wardrobes, no-one but no-one gets to look through my things.
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NewbieSM · 19/11/2021 08:01

I'd have her round for a bonfire and burn the bloody things in front her, the of the silly old bitch!

Honestly OP do not put up with this you deserve basic human respect and actually should be able to expect more from that from your family.

If it was me I would be seriously considering separating from your husband and his toxic mother

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PantsandBoots · 19/11/2021 08:02

Tell your MIL that you are having them altered to fit your current size and you have given them to be tailored.

Then put them away and if she asks, say that the tailor is taking forever.

Also, tell her that you are saving to pass them on as family heirlooms to your daughter/future daughter in law.

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NewbieAlert · 19/11/2021 08:02

I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right
What a Prince.

I would be out the next time she comes round. And the time after that. And the time after that.

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Mamlife · 19/11/2021 08:06

I don’t understand the comments about locking away the clothes, hide etc
If you tell mil you aren’t giving her them is she going to turn up, just go into your bedroom and start rooting around anyway?
If so you have much bigger issues.

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Romemarie · 19/11/2021 08:09

Wow if my mil went snooping through my wardrobe I'd buy things that I'd want her to find.. like for example, some of those extremely slutty dresses you can buy off love honey and id buy a huge box and buy an extreme amount of sex toys.. I'd whips and rope.. I'd try and embarrasse the bitch.
Id stand there and watch her find it all. Let her look at the slutty dresses. Say hey your welcome to one but I just want to remind you I where it for your ds for bedroom fun as I lent over in wardrobe picking up the whip in my hand. Lol.

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Romemarie · 19/11/2021 08:10

Sorry about my spelling I meant wear.. really is to early for me. Brain dont work until around 11

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comfortablyfrumpy · 19/11/2021 08:13

If your DH thinks MIL is right, as a OP has said - easy way to lose 12 stone right now...

Your DH should support you, not undermine you.
Is he someone you really want to stay with?

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