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Fat comment by MIL
298

Anoart1 · 19/11/2021 06:18

Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.

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PingedPotato · 19/11/2021 06:51

Whoa! She can't go through your wardrobe! If she tries I'd ask her what the fuck she thinks she's doing. Go through hers when you're visiting hers?

Has she always been like this??

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PingedPotato · 19/11/2021 06:53

I don't think she means it maliciously really? Sounds pretty malicious to me!

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FreeBritnee · 19/11/2021 06:54

I’m going to guess this is linked to your culture? It’s not a standard MIL situation and you’re not talking about Boden dresses are you?

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Antsgomarching · 19/11/2021 06:54

Ok both your MIL and DH are horrible. My DH would have had a word with his mum and certainly wouldn’t have been like “oh you’ll never get back in that anyway”. It doesn’t matter if you do or you don’t these are your things. Perhaps you should start having a look around your MIL wardrobes next time you are out and gift some of her things to other people.

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Capferret · 19/11/2021 06:59

Put the dresses away where she can't find them.
Establish some boundaries, cuturallly or not your mil is rude.
I am in my 60's now and still have dresses from my twenties that sometimes I can wear and sometimes I can't.

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custardbear · 19/11/2021 07:00

This is horrific, I'd not let her in my hone! Store the dresses abs anything else and don't tell anyone where they are then get on with your life with as little contact as you can
Also tell tour DH to start supporting you

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Cattitudes · 19/11/2021 07:03

You can easily lose the deadweight of your husband who won't stand up for you and his MIL. If it is any help I have dropped two dress sizes much later after pregnancy than you. I am back to the size that I wore before my first baby who is now in sixth-form, and I know that I could lose more if I wanted to.

If it was me those dresses would be carefully stored at a friend's house or in the depths of the loft in a locked suitcase. If you wanted to really rub it in you could pop to a charity shop and buy some hideous dresses in whatever size she is looking for. Ones which would look awful even on a model and sub those in.

Only lose weight if you want to do it for you. This may be MIL/dh strategy to get you to lose weight.

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R0tational · 19/11/2021 07:08

I hate people using culture to hide behind rudeness. Poor you. Can you escape?

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Iwonder08 · 19/11/2021 07:14

If it was me I would give her clothes back and tell her exactly where to shove them as you don't want anything that came from such a horrid woman. Ditch DH too

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greedygut · 19/11/2021 07:14

Hide the dresses
Put a lock on your wardrobe door
Divorce your husband and live a life with kinder people in it
Your size is fine their bullying isn't

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Workinghardeveryday · 19/11/2021 07:15

What!!! Cannot believe what I have read.

Be firm, tell her no and do not take no for an answer!!! Stand up for yourself here, it’s not about the dresses, it’s about the future of her always walking all over you.

I am so sorry you have to put up with being treated that way. She is a first class bully.

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Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead · 19/11/2021 07:18

What would happen if you just told her to fuck off?

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BatshitBanshee · 19/11/2021 07:20

OP, you are unfortunately surrounded by arseholes.

  1. Put the dresses in the locked suit case that the old biddy wasn't able to open. If that isn't an option, give the dresses to a sister and tell them on pain of death not to hand them over.

  2. Change your fucking locks. Seriously.

  3. Tell MIL that under no circumstances will she be marching her cloven hooves into your bedroom.

  4. Tell DH that if he wants to be back in your good books, he better start being loyal to the person who promised to put up him for the rest of his life. If he's not loyal, he and his M can go elsewhere.

    I've had this MIL. You've got to show teeth.
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Platax · 19/11/2021 07:20

Don't let her in the house. If you can't stop her, put a lock on your bedroom door.

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Jumpalicious · 19/11/2021 07:21

Your mil is a witch. She’s sabotaging you also. Please don’t eat more to spite her. Please don’t eat less to please them. Do look after your health and eat well, for you, as a mum of a small child.

No advice on what to do about the clothes, but I had to post here since ALL of their comments (mil, mum, husband) are the road to eating disorders, which having been through one, I’d wish on no one. You’re a size 12 not a size 40! Just focus on good food, avoid processed junk, and everything will fall into place. What an absolute cow your mil is.

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Catflapkitkat · 19/11/2021 07:24

OP she sounds awful. I would be raging if my MIL riffled through my wardrobe. Your DH is weak and unsupportive. I suggest you take the dresses to a trustworthy friend or relative.

If she asks where they are say 'There's no point in you having my nice dresses as you can't polish a turd'

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Roselilly36 · 19/11/2021 07:25

Awful way to be treated, no wonder you feel down. Why isn’t your DH standing up for you and telling his mum how her treatment is upsetting you? Personally, I wouldn’t have a family member in my home that treated me in such a way. Good luck OP Flowers

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cookiemonster2468 · 19/11/2021 07:26

I really like the idea of donating them to charity/ locking them away and saying that you have.

They are being really cruel to you and there is no way you should let her get her hands on what she wants.

What she is proposing is actually stealing, I'm amazed she is being so brash about it. She sounds like a nightmare MIL, sorry OP :(

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Peace43 · 19/11/2021 07:27

Hide them and claim ignorance when she turns up!

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UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/11/2021 07:28

Wow! What a horrible extended family you have! Outright nasty bullies.

Is anyone on your side? Do you have friends or nice colleagues you are close to or have your mil, H and mother cut you off from them?

You really need to establish boundaries - nobody goes in your bedroom except you, your H and your toddler. Nobody opens your wardrobe without your permission.

Is not letting your MIL in unless your H is home possible? Does she have keys?

Have you tried a proper conversation with your H about having your back and not tolerating you being bullied? Have you thought about what is ultimately your line in the sand - what do you need from him in terms of support and will you leave if it's clear he just refuses to support you in establishing boundaries with his mother because he has no respect for you himself and is happy to see you bullied?

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 19/11/2021 07:29

she just wants to give them to someone else, she gave them to you and now she wants to give them to someone else.

if there are any you want to give back, you choose.

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cookiemonster2468 · 19/11/2021 07:30

@Roselilly36

Awful way to be treated, no wonder you feel down. Why isn’t your DH standing up for you and telling his mum how her treatment is upsetting you? Personally, I wouldn’t have a family member in my home that treated me in such a way. Good luck OP Flowers

Also this.

I know this is very difficult and sensitive, but if you husband is not standing up for you or taking your side, then truly, are you happy in this marriage?

Your MIL is so obviously being horrible to you and for your husband to take her side is shocking. It implies that he will always take her side about things.

It sounds like a horrible and very unhealthy dynamic to me.
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MrsLargeEmbodied · 19/11/2021 07:30

i wouldnt want them if she is so desperate to take them

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StrongTea · 19/11/2021 07:31

Rude and nasty, lock your stuff away.

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skodadoda · 19/11/2021 07:38

@Anoart1

MIL is generally very cruel so I don’t know why this hurt more than usual. She told me she’s coming next week to look in my wardrobe and take what she fancies!

Lock your clothes away.
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