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Fat comment by MIL
298

Anoart1 · 19/11/2021 06:18

Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.

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WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 19/11/2021 09:42

You MIL sounds awful and your DH isn't coming across as a Prince either.

That said, it took me forever years and years to lose weight after DC, but when I finally did and could fit into clothes that I'd kept again, I hated all of them on. They didn't sit quite right as my body shape adjusted with pregnancy or I just didn't like the style anymore, they looked dated etc. Don't keep clothes in your wardrobe that make you feel miserable about yourself. If they're particularly special lock them away where MIL can't get at them but otherwise have a clear out and keep the clothes you feel comfortable in now.

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NewMinouMinou · 19/11/2021 09:42

Buy or borrow a load of “D”H-sized latex gimp suits and massive strap-ons and replace the dresses with them.
That’ll teach her.

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Magicpaintbrush · 19/11/2021 09:44

Firstly you are NOT fat. Size 12 is not fat! I would love to be your size. I am currently a 14 and not a single person I know - especially my DH - would EVER be cruel to me about my weight, and if somebody was rude to me like that he would tell them to fuck off. You don't have to live with with horrible people in your life, how dare they be so rude and cruel to you???? I would put the dresses in the local clothing bank at Asda and let some stranger have them rather than let your vile MIL get her claws on them. You need to stand up for yourself here, be just as abrasive and rude to your MIL as she is to you and make yourself the top dog in this situation, don't let her think she rules the roost - be assertive and confident (fake it until you make it if needs be). If she thinks she can intimidate you into doing exactly what she wants then time to reverse that situation and see how she enjoys being spoken to like that. But to be honest your husband sounds like a mummy's boy who will never have your back, so do you really want to stay with somebody like him for the rest of your life?

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IntermittentParps · 19/11/2021 09:50

@Anoart1

Really down at the moment. Mixture of things but most recent: MIL commented that as I’m so fat now (I’m size 12) I should give her my really nice dresses as I will never fit into them again. She wants to give few of them to my SIL (SIL is older and has more than enough money to buy herself a few dresses). I politely told MIL I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried. Her response was “no you won’t, DC is nearly 2 years old now and you still fat”. I was really upset and spoke to DH whose response was well she’s right and no point keeping clothes you can’t wear anymore. Not to drip feed and give all the facts she gifted some of these to me on my wedding day as per tradition so it’s a done thing not her being “nice” it’s tradition. But I have never heard of a MIL asking back for them! My sisters think it’s hilarious of her asking and DH is not supportive. They are my clothes after all and I feel weird giving them away as MIL has decided I will never fit into them.

First of all, your DH needs to shape up and support you or ship out. Tell him this.
Second, don't be polite to the MIL and don't engage in any conversation (like 'I will lose the weight it’s just I haven’t really tried.') Any further comments, tell her firmly to mind her own business and not make personal comments. Repeat and/or walk away as necessary.

Obviously it's not OK for her to come round and look in your wardrobe. Tell her firmly you will not let her in.

Please stand up for yourself.
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ThinWomansBrain · 19/11/2021 09:52

give them to a charity shop
try and bribe them to display in the window
take the bitch shopping on a route that involves said charity shop

Or eBay and send the link

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DameMaureen · 19/11/2021 09:53

@ChirpyChirp

Is MIL from a more 'straight talking' culture?

I gave all my pre-pregnancy dresses to charity as my body changed shape a lot (rib cage expanded). I could have starved myself for months and would never have got back into them.

I imagine this is the case and one where MIL is in charge . Her son will never cross her.
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LadyFlumpalot · 19/11/2021 10:01

Personally I would:

Remove all the dresses and hide them, give them to a friend for safe keeping, a work friend or someone outside of the culture so they don't feel cultural pressure to hand anything over.

Remove EVERYTHING from your wardrobe except for a few boring basics (underwear, jeans, plain jumpers).

Happily let MIL in and point her at your wardrobe to have a look, chirpily tell her all about how she was right, you're never going to fit in them again so you're embracing a capsule wardrobe. Tell her you gave them to a second hand shop, can't remember which one, but one of the ones down the high street and watch her go off to search every Barnados in a 10 mile radius.

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Cryalot2 · 19/11/2021 10:03

Lock your wardobe and better still hide the clothes except what you don't really like.
I would report her to the police for theft if she touches anything.
Size 12 is not fat.
If your husband wont stand up for you contact woman's aid or refuge and they will help you get out.
You deserve a better life than this .

Your mil is a wicked bully and things will not get better. She needs to apologise to you. But she won't.
Can you keep her out of your house?
You must take legal advice as this dreadful being will only get worse.

Flowers good wishes op.

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AffableApple · 19/11/2021 10:05

I assume these dresses are some kind of cultural thing, and she's demonstrating her power by taking them away. Your sisters sound supportive; take your dresses to one of their houses, hidden from their husbands in case of the patriarchy. However, all of this is short-term. Long-term you have a DH problem.

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AlexSC1988 · 19/11/2021 10:06

Size 12 is not fat, I don't know how she can call you fat.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 19/11/2021 10:07

ChirpyChirp

Is MIL from a more 'straight talking' culture?

Rude, you mean?

Your husband is out of order, too. Does he disrespect you in other ways?

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AffableApple · 19/11/2021 10:08

@AlexSC1988

Size 12 is not fat, I don't know how she can call you fat.

Also this.
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whoopy1 · 19/11/2021 10:11

To be honest, I would just give her them, but only the ones she gave you when you got married. I wouldn’t want anything that an evil old cow, like your mil, had given me! Your (d)h and your (d)m aren’t much better than her, to be honest, so I would be re-evaluating my relationship with them as well!

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Drinkingallthewine · 19/11/2021 10:11

Are there cultural connotations regarding her taking them back?

If they were gifted to her son's bride as part of a wedding tradition is this her making a nasty dig towards you not measuring up to her /your DH's standards or expectations as part of a wider campaign of bullying and abuse directed towards you by both of them?

It seems to be about so much more than just dresses and being nasty about some very slight weight gain, and I just want to check that you are ok...

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Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 19/11/2021 10:25

She’s abusive OP and your husband is a mummy’s boy

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diddl · 19/11/2021 10:25

It's bad enough that MIL thinks that she can take back what she gave you, let alone that she thinks she could take anything else that she wants!

Are you the same culture as your MIL?

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MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 19/11/2021 10:26

How rude also that your mother in law was moaning and complaining that she couldn't get into your own locked suitcase in your own wardrobe. Unbelievable!!!!!!!! I wouldn't be surprised if she goes through your mail and your drawers and has a good rummage around.
And your dh needs to stand up for himself. I uh erstabd that it's his mother but you're his wife. Tell him that you're not fat and happy with size 12. I find that ridiculous!

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MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 19/11/2021 10:28

Are you the same culture as your mil????

What are the dresses like? Everyday wear like saris or something or what?

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Wombat46 · 19/11/2021 10:32

I don't fit into my wedding dress as it's an entirely different shape to what I'm now. I keep it as a memory, it's mine.

Boundaries, love, you need some boundaries. And a better DH.

I'm always saying read some Brene Brown, as this sort of family dynamic is rooted in shame.

I'd be proud to a size 12. I'm a happy size 16/18/14, tbh, I pick what fits, not the label.

You're good enough as you are & your clothes are yours. I have to say if I found anyone in my room, rooting through my stuff, they'd be strong armed out of the door. You're the grown up here...

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irene9 · 19/11/2021 10:43

"Oh she has zero boundaries she will have no problem opening my wardrobes"
You don't have boundaries either because you seem to think she is allowed or entitled to come into your house and look in your wardrobe and take your things. Why is it not occuring to you to question that?
Why is it automatically assumed she can do that. Does she 'own' you?

Is it a cultural thing where in your culture a woman has to submit to her husband and his mother? Everyone seems to be bowing down to this woman like she has special powers. She's only a human being like you.

She only has the power that people give her.
She's sounds like a right old bitch altogether. My heart goes out to you having to manage that with your spineless husband afraid to say boo to her.

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Sandinmyknickers · 19/11/2021 10:43

@FreeBritnee

I’m going to guess this is linked to your culture? It’s not a standard MIL situation and you’re not talking about Boden dresses are you?

This. OP, I think you need to be a bit clearer. Not excusing the behaviour at all, but I don't think all commenter understand what you are talking about here and your MIL isn't just trying to take back some old new look dresses as a 'fat' dig necessarily but is maybe seeing things from a more practical perspective...(not saying she is right!)
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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/11/2021 10:45

They all sound vile

I know mums who lost all the weight once their kids were at school but obviously didn’t worry about it before then

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Dalooah · 19/11/2021 10:49

This is so insane. If I was you, I'd hide the clothes and feign ignorance when she asks for something specific. and say you had a charity clear out a while ago and probably gave them away then? I hate advocating lying but if you can't stand up to her coming in and taking your things- and yes, they're yours- it doesn't matter that she bought them for you initially- they are YOURS.

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FrenchBoule · 19/11/2021 10:51

OP, grow a backbone please.

What did you do when she open the wardrobe and tried to open the suitcase? Because the question from me would be “what do you think you’re doing?” Followed by “Get out,NOW” in a stern voice and a death stare.

I’d move the dresses and tell her to get out of my fucking bedroom.
As for your husband- I have no words.

Be rude,blunt and stand up for yourself.

Your size and clothes are nobody’s business

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DameFanny · 19/11/2021 10:55

As a PP said, lock them away. Or go through them and pick some to take to charity this weekend. You only have to keep the ones you really love - and then you can decide to lose a bit of weight to fit into them, or take a couple to a dressmaker and have them turned into a lush dressing gown, or just keep them safe and run your hands through the lovely fabric whenever you want

It's all up to you - please please absolutely lose your shit with anyone who tells you different.

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