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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IN wanting to set up a Mumsnet No Man's (Mum's) Land between BFers & FFers?

246 replies

Iklboo · 14/12/2007 13:59

We're NEVER going to agree on this subject so I'm setting up a nice quiet bunker somewhere in the middle entitled

"I DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR MY BABY AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS LA LA LA LA LA"

Not being flippant, disrespecful, rude or anything like that. Just neutral.

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/12/2007 14:02

everyone does what they think is best for their circumstances.

Domesticgodlessyoumerrygents · 14/12/2007 14:03

I read your thread title as setting up no mums land for mix feeders

Original poster
Iklboo · 14/12/2007 15:49

Exactly custy - The No Man's (Mum's) Land is for everyone who did what was best for their circumstances

OP posts:
AwayInAMunker · 14/12/2007 15:51

Why is it about agreement?

Why does it have to be a fight in the first place?

The thing is, not everyone does what they think is best for their circumstances in a rational "I've evaulated this" sort of way - they do what circumstance thrusts upon them in many cases and feel sad about having the choice taken away from them.

MKG · 14/12/2007 15:52

Doesn't everyone do what's best for their circumstances though?

theUrbanDryAdventCalendar · 14/12/2007 15:53

what Hunker said.

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 14/12/2007 15:59

I've said it before, but I really think we need to have a mental disclaimer in our heards when we read these things :-

Someone choosing something different to me and saying it was a good choice is not the same as someone judging me as a wicked nasty person for choosing differently...

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 14/12/2007 15:59

taht'll be our heads, not our heards.

DanJARMouse · 14/12/2007 16:01

Im with hunker all the way. She knows how much I lurveeeeee her right now anyway but it shouldnt be a fight.

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 14/12/2007 16:04

what hunker said.

GreebosWhiskers · 14/12/2007 16:04

I've done both (2 ff & 2 bf - 13mo ds is still bf a few times a day) BUT I really did want to bf all 4 so totally understand the feelings of a mum who wants to bf but can't. I did feel judged by some people who saw me out & about with my bottles (& they had NO idea what I'd been through before putting the dds onto formula) but at the same time I've also felt judged by people who see me getting my norks out. Sometimes it's a no-win situation & I think a no-mum's-land in the middle is a fab idea.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 14/12/2007 16:11

What hunker said.

man's land for those who want it

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 14/12/2007 16:28

oh, and apart from the bit about heads and heards, wot suebaroo said.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 14/12/2007 16:37

Wot Aitch said

pollypumpkin · 14/12/2007 20:56

You can understand both sides. I BF 1st DD for 6 months. Thought I would do things v.v. properly and it felt fine! DD2 BF for 3 months. Despite copious quantities of Guinness (do they still recommend that? it did work, I swear)!! I stopped the BF with her after the 3 months. Just the pressure of having an 18 mth old making demands all the time and general exhaustion.

BUT when DD3 came along, unbelievable! I couldn't BF anymore! I felt like an old hand, but it just wasn't happening. The pain was unreal. I had to take nurofen 20 mins before a feed just to take the edge off the agony. Then, DD3 got ill at about 6 weeks and was in hospital. I can't describe the relief I felt on the day that I decided that bottle was best for her. And truth be told, nearly 8 years on, there is no difference health wise between my BF DD1, my BF for less time DD2, and my bottle fed DD3.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 14/12/2007 21:05

I'd like to think most people do what is right for them and their bby at the time tbh.

The thing is, people who formula fed often misjudge the things breastfeeding supporters are saying.

It seems that the second you post something positive about helping/supporting/advocating breastfeeding you're expected to be mad and think formula is poison, even threads for formula to be better researched and made as a form of feeding a baby as well as possible rather than a product free from many restrictions and able to market for profit becomes a thread in which formula feeders feel they are being slagged off in.

It's pretty simple really, babies need feeding, and whatever your situation is they need the best possible food.

Okay, maybe not

pollypumpkin · 14/12/2007 21:14

IME it just doesn't make any difference! youngest is now 7.5 yrs old. Middle: 9 yrs. Oldest: 10 yrs. At the time it felt like life or death. But now........ as long as they are fed and loved, wtf

BeeWiseMen · 14/12/2007 21:16

have I missed a fight?

Can we have a bunker underneath no mans land for those of us who were so utterly post-childbirth bonkers at the time we gave up bf that we're not at all sure we made the right decision? I'll bring the wine.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 14/12/2007 21:16

Hmm, it can make a difference though, dd not breastfed has asthma, eczema, hayfever etc, DS breastfed has none, my hv always said it was because he got the right stuff from me.
But then who knows, it could be coincedence.

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 14/12/2007 21:18

i didn't do what was right for me and my baby at the time, though... i did as i was told.

chipmonkey · 14/12/2007 21:21

What if you bf with occasional formula? What camp are you in then?

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 14/12/2007 21:21

Sorry Aitch, I'll rephrase it, 'does what they believe or are told is the right thing for their baby at the time'.

And tbh, those who are 100% happy with the factthat they formula fed their baby and have no interest in breastfeeding, I don't see why they bother to post on those threads really.

If someone was saying 'ff's are shit' then fair enough, by all means come and defend yourself but it's not even like that. Most of the time the breastfeeders are more understanding and accepting of the ff's than vice versa.

BeeWiseMen · 14/12/2007 21:28

I can't believe Aitch ever does what she is told. That BLW stuff should be renamed Baby Russian Roulette.

pollypumpkin · 14/12/2007 21:30

It makes absolutely NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER whether you BF or FF - just do what feels right at the time. Really. Believe me.

WinkyWinkola · 14/12/2007 21:32

Absolutely, Tiny. Bfers get attacked as militant when the massive marketing spend of formula companies long established and extremely effective in promoting ff versus bf.

I'm all for no man's land mind. As long as all mums get accurate information about all methods of feeding their babies. That way they can make informed decisions for themselves. I don't think they're getting all the info they need for that just yet.