DH Nightshift Christmas Eve

[TwinkleTwinkleSeren]

DH is a nurse and we’ve been preparing ourselves for him having to work on Christmas Day. He’s been lucky enough to have the last few Christmas days off. Just found out that he’s likely to do a night shift on Christmas Eve and honestly I’m gutted. Our youngest son has ASD and whenever DH does nights we have to ship our oldest DS off to a grandparents house for a sleepover as our youngest disturbs his sleep, goes into his room, turns on all the lights, bounces all over him and tries to wrestle him 😂DS (youngest) gets wound up and excited by the oldest. We cope by DH having to sleep in oldests bedroom locked in! Now I have no idea how Christmas Eve would work if I’m alone with the two of them driving each other crazy 😱The solution would be for oldest to stay at his grandmothers house but I’m absolutely gutted to think that I won’t see him wake up and open his stocking etc. It might be his last year of believing in Santa (he’s 9) and this makes me so sad 😭 seeking advice, I don’t want to split them up but might have to for our sanity 😯

Can’t you just do Christmas Day another day?

My dad has to be away this Christmas Day and it’s my daughters first Christmas - we are just gonna have the day on Christmas Eve 🤷‍♀️ Pressies dinner etc

Can’t you just do that? Have it Boxing Day or something

@DoctorWhoTardis

You know you can buy melatonin right? Lots of shops stock it. It's a natural chemical no drugs. You really need to spend more time on solving this sleeping problem and less time worrying about Christmas though. It's not viable long term.

First of all, TwinkleTwinkleSeren, I wanted to say that it's sad that staffing is so tight in the NHS now that your husband has to work Christmas Eve, despite your circumstances.

Re the melatonin, it is true that you can buy it over the counter. However, a friend has told me that the over the counter product is not as strong as the prescription formula. Her son who has severe autism takes it. She would tell you that she's glad of it but it doesn't work every time. Of course, your son is much younger and has a different condition. I'm just trying to say buying it over the counter may not work.

I see there's actually a thread on melatonin on the board for people witch children with special needs:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4401746-Melatonin

What are you doing while DS is running around annoying his brother?

[quote Seedandyarn]@TwinkleTwinkleSeren You have been very gracious despite the judgmental posters thinking they could do a better job despite knowing fuck all about raising a young child with ASD.
You and your husband sound like you are doing a good job of managing your family to me. Especially when you have both likely suffered from years of sleep depravation.[/quote]
Thank you.

@SmellyOldOwls

What are you doing while DS is running around annoying his brother?

As I’ve said in earlier replies - I have to physically restrain DS to stop him going for oldest.

Thanks, I wouldn’t buy it over the counter, I would definitely get it on prescription from the doctor.

@Fupoffyagrasshole

Can’t you just do Christmas Day another day?

My dad has to be away this Christmas Day and it’s my daughters first Christmas - we are just gonna have the day on Christmas Eve 🤷‍♀️ Pressies dinner etc

Can’t you just do that? Have it Boxing Day or something

We did think about moving the day.

Would gran do a swap with you?

So you and younger ds spend the night at her house (I realise with an ASD child this might be a huge problem) so your eldest DS gets pampered by gran and get a good night's sleep?

Then arrive with younger ds for present opening?

As I’ve said in earlier replies - I have to physically restrain DS to stop him going for oldest.

Is there a space where your eldest can go in the home so he's not disturbed or jumped on by the youngest?

It must be difficult if the only time he can fully relax is when he's locked in his room at night or with his grandparents.

@canary1

Have your eldest sleep in with you while your husband is working? Of course don’t ship him out on Christmas Eve!

This. ^ I can't believe anyone else would suggest anything else other than this! And I can't believe you are thinking about shipping him out on Christmas Eve and making someone else look after him, so things are better for you and your other children.

@TwinkleTwinkleSeren Let him sleep with you, and 'lock him in' with you, as your DH does when he is home. As other posters have said, the children have incredibly tolerant grandparents. Just make sure you don't take too much advantage of them; I have seen people do this, and before you can say 'will you have the kids for the weekend' they are moving abroad, or to a place in the UK 300 miles away!

Can grandparents come stay over for Christmas Eve celebrations?

Wanted too to this...

I can't believe anyone else would suggest anything else other than this! And I can't believe you are thinking about shipping him out on Christmas Eve and making someone else look after him, so things are better for you and your other children.

I ALSO can't believe you would ask someone else on THEIR Christmas to come and babysit your son!

Melatonin.

I do feel for u really. However a 9 year old boy should not be co sleeping with his dad! He is 9! Not 9 months. How more many years is this going to continue for ?
You need to be locked in with the little one or a tall stair gate needs to be used. Your 9 year old needs to be in his bed with door closed but not locked. Husband in another room If u have it or a bed downstairs or something. The 9 year old situation I would say needs to addressed now.

How about oldest DS goes to grandma's house as usual for DH's night shift. Then when Father Christmas gets to grandma's house he could deliver one little present, a bit of chocolate with a letter to DS explaining that he had already delivered the stocking (etc) to DS's own home before he found him at grandma's house so he's leaving an extra treat for DS to wake up to.
This way DS wakes up to something exciting, then when he gets home you still get to share him opening the stocking. And presumably grandma will be thrilled to share that experience with her grandchild too.

Hi, iv not read the full thread so apologies if it’s already been said.
Why don’t you let the kids stay up with you, let eldest go to bed if he wants. Play games and stuff.
Then younger one goes to bed with you, make sure he can’t leave the room without waking you up.
Obviously you need to sort something better for long term.

Don't panic until you get shifts out, the anticipation is worse than actually having them. Fwiw I would easy swap him as I'm working boxing day so would either mean having Christmas with my difficult family or travelling 6 h on Christmas day to get back for my shift so there may be someone willing to swap.

Is he working Christmas night as well? He should get NY off then? If he's not working Christmas night then he will just have to have a rough turnover from night to day, most folk I know only work until 11 when coming off nights so it would only be a couple of hours. Bit crap you have to set out all the pressies yourself, I did a twilight last year and it actually worked out ok.

When I did Xmas eve night shift I thought it was great especially if I had Boxing Day off. I would come home watch the children open presents then doze on the sofa. We have dinner around 6 so would be awake to help DH cook it later

Why can’t you sleep locked in a room with your youngest if he’s the one with the difficulties, it seems very unfair that your eldest has to be locked in his bedroom with Dad or shipped off to Grandparents.

Why doesn’t your DH sleep at grandparents house then come home afterwards? Keep your son with you

You need to give your older son a bolt to his room so he can keep his younger brother out. He's accepting it now because he's 9 but when he's 14 it won't be as easy!

@girlmom21

I think I’ve been misunderstood. The very presence of my oldest winds up the youngest. The oldest doesn’t wind his brother up. He can just be sitting on the couch and the youngest will jump on him/giggling/trying to play. His brother is his favourite playmate but he struggles to understand when his brother wants to be left alone and when he wants to play.

I haven't seen you respond to this question: what happens when the youngest behaves this way?

If you know what happens when he sees his brother, what is done to protect the oldest?

Is your eldest registered as a young carer? So by just existing in the house his younger brother physically harasses/assaults him, and the answer so far is 🤣 from his parents and being shipped out?

Your 9yo ds is quickly approaching puberty. Will he still be expected to co-sleep with his dad just to accommodate for his younger db’s behaviour? Will he be back and forth from home to grandparents throughout high school? It’s so disruptive for your older ds.

I understand it must be tricky to raise a child with ASD (I have worked with children with ASD), but you need to seek professional help and find a routine. Plenty of mums with dc with ASD in this thread have provided their insight.

@TwinkleTwinkleSeren 5 year old play fights but doesn’t know his own strength. He’s extremely strong and very big/stocky. He “play kicks”rolls on top of the oldest. I’ve had to physically restrain (gently)the youngest to prevent him hurting our oldest. Seeking advice soon from a special Heath visitor and hoping for a Carers assessment. We’ve always co-slept as a family

You really need some support on how to manage your youngest ds’s behaviour. He cannot continue to assault your eldest. Nor should your eldest accept this. As your youngest gets older and bigger, the more in danger your eldest is.

You also cannot co-sleep forever. 9yo is old to co-sleep. I would also say 5yo is too, especially if it’s every night and not occasionally.

You need to be getting the appropriate care for your youngest. Christmas is just a red herring.

Also from all of your laughing emojis you seem to be treating this like a joke..