Page 10 | DH Nightshift Christmas Eve

Datsandcogs · 16/11/2021 15:42

Could you change the type of lock on DS’s door? Where I work we have a combination lock, keypad on the outside and a simple lever on the inside.

The safe space bed sounds like a good solution, as does a weighted blanket.

Good luck OP, your boys are lucky to have such a caring parent who is trying so hard to keep them both safe and give them a very happy Christmas.

KentuckyCriedFricken · 16/11/2021 15:47

My mother was a nurse. We used to love Christmas if she was working (which was more than every other year). There’s no law that says you have to celebrate on the 25th.

The sleep issue is a separate matter. Definitely push the doctor for more help with that.

KentuckyCriedFricken · 16/11/2021 15:47

Move Christmas….although we also loved it!

Indecisivelurcher · 16/11/2021 16:11

Just to say we were prescribed melatonin by GP on the advice of health visitor and sleep consultant, I just asked, wasn't something I had to push for in any way. She was 4 /5. You may as well ring to ask rather than wait. I have to say in our experience though it didn't stop night wakings, we had to come at it from a more psychological angle in the end. Weighted blanket has been a help. My nephew also tried on melatonin and didn't get on with it because he didn't like the feeling it gave him while dropping to sleep steeply. I can't think of a better way to put it. Good luck hope it works for you guys.

Hotair1234 · 17/11/2021 17:40

You do you, no judgements but fast forward ten/fifteen years how on earth do you think your oldest DS will feel???? He’s sent away because of his brother.
I have three DC and middle one has ASD. It’s hard. Really hard. It gets easier, it does, but to get there you need to help DS fit into your schedule not invent one to fit him. How on earth will he ever fit into the real world?
Sorry but the phrase rod for your own back is flashing here.

Suzanne999 · 17/11/2021 17:47

Know a family that had a similar problem. Child with ASD up and down all night, banging on the other kids doors etc… Parent ( single mum) got next to no sleep. They had a Safe Space fitted, arranged by Social Worker. Stopped the night time wandering , child loved it. Worth asking SS, or GP for referral?

LeuvenMan · 17/11/2021 17:49

My wife is a nurse. When my son was little they only way she could get Christmas day off was by volunteering for a night shift Christmas Eve. When she came home from nights then he'd open the presents.
We made a big thing of "next time you see mummy Santa will have been"

takenforgrantednana · 17/11/2021 17:55

@TwinkleTwinkleSeren

DH is a nurse and we’ve been preparing ourselves for him having to work on Christmas Day. He’s been lucky enough to have the last few Christmas days off. Just found out that he’s likely to do a night shift on Christmas Eve and honestly I’m gutted. Our youngest son has ASD and whenever DH does nights we have to ship our oldest DS off to a grandparents house for a sleepover as our youngest disturbs his sleep, goes into his room, turns on all the lights, bounces all over him and tries to wrestle him 😂DS (youngest) gets wound up and excited by the oldest. We cope by DH having to sleep in oldests bedroom locked in! Now I have no idea how Christmas Eve would work if I’m alone with the two of them driving each other crazy 😱The solution would be for oldest to stay at his grandmothers house but I’m absolutely gutted to think that I won’t see him wake up and open his stocking etc. It might be his last year of believing in Santa (he’s 9) and this makes me so sad 😭 seeking advice, I don’t want to split them up but might have to for our sanity 😯

i would say the best solution is for your eldest son to learn to behave in his own bed! start by grand parents coming over to your house and helping you get the to bed, then the time scale lessons down each night , and you will have extra hands around to help out too

drawacircleroundit · 17/11/2021 17:58

Yep - another prod for melatonin.
I have DS on ritalin (also has ASD). No behaviour issues, so DS would lay awake at night for hours and hours, and mornings would be pale with sunken eyes and low mood.
Melatonin changed everything.

Plumbuddle · 17/11/2021 18:00

@AttaGirrrrl

Christmas is a red herring here. The priority needs to be to get your DS’s sleep sorted. He, and you, must be exhausted. Go back to whoever diagnosed the ASD and explain what your nights look like. Melatonin has completely changed our lives.

I agree. My local CAMHS refused both my ASD/ADHD sons melatonin until I got a private diagnosis for one of them at age 13 or so. He finally slept all night (having got into our bed every single night until then after we went to bed) and he said at last he could get that warm fuzzy feeling without cuddling us or the cat. That's how bad his and your child's need for melatonin is. If your GP or clinic won't prescribe it and you can afford it go private for an assessment -- pm me for great paed who can do remote assessment. It's not cheap though (a few hundred) and the private prescription is £50. But once we provided a letter from her to GP, we got it free as usual. I sympathise with you OP, my DH is a shift worker too and I well remember those awful solo Xmases with two boys leaping everywhere all night and all day. There is govt guidance that he can seek unpaid leave from his employer for child's disability needs, I know he probably feels he can't in all conscience but he has the perfect case and a good employer to ask it of.

Letsrunabath · 17/11/2021 18:18

My Husband has worked shifts for years, we just change Christmas Day and this year we are celebrating on Christmas Eve even though we don’t really have to, it will just work as family and friends are coming over then and I want the big dinner feel.

JSL52 · 17/11/2021 18:23

@takenforgrantednana the eldest does behave. He gets shipped off. The youngest is the one who doesn't sleep.

Bignanny30 · 17/11/2021 18:25

Can the grandparents not stay at yours on Christmas Eve in your room so that you can sleep in your sons room as your husband usually does? I’m sure they’d love the experience of waking up to see the kids on Christmas morning. I know I would .

takenforgrantednana · 17/11/2021 18:28

[quote JSL52]@takenforgrantednana the eldest does behave. He gets shipped off. The youngest is the one who doesn't sleep. [/quote]
@ JSL52 ok, well either way they still need to learn to be in the house together, or more to the point mum needs to learn how to handle them rather than the first thought being oh god what do i do? oh yeah dump him at grand parents, its wrong, so wrong of mum to do this

Bignanny30 · 17/11/2021 18:29

Previous post is only a suggestion as a temporary solution for this Christmas. However I hope you soon get the medication that you need to help your son.

Bignanny30 · 17/11/2021 18:32

@Bignanny30

Can the grandparents not stay at yours on Christmas Eve in your room so that you can sleep in your sons room as your husband usually does? I’m sure they’d love the experience of waking up to see the kids on Christmas morning. I know I would .

And

IfOnlyIdHadMNThen · 17/11/2021 18:34

What would happen if younger DS thought his brother was elsewhere? Would he still look for him? Just wondering if you can get away with waving older DS off to granny's together making it very clear he's gone for the night. Then put a movie on for the younger one in bed whilst eldest sneaks back in and lies tucked up in his bed with headphones on watching his own movie quietly on an iPad or something before going to sleep. Would his brother even realise he was there?

Shona52 · 17/11/2021 18:42

Are the grandparents your side or his? Is there a place your DH could go and sleep over with and that way the 2 DC can stay in their own rooms

Summerfun54321 · 17/11/2021 18:43

My mum was a nurse and did lots of shift work around Christmas. Honestly as a young child I never noticed, we must have celebrated on a different day and us kids were none the wiser! 😂

momtoboys · 17/11/2021 18:56

Its Christmas Eve. Does any child really sleep on Christmas Eve? There is no way I would have my child sleep somewhere else on Christmas Eve.

Tictocrobot · 17/11/2021 18:58

Can you put oldest to bed first?

duckduckswan · 17/11/2021 19:01

I’d keep them at home do lots of physical activities and melatonin fuelled foods, social stories around going to bed and staying in bed (dependent on level of understanding) and just accept that you’re going to have a bad nights sleep. I’ve got a ds with ASD who sounds similar but on Christmas Eve I know his sister will be just as bad in terms of not being able to sleep 🙈😁

Strangevipers · 17/11/2021 19:05

Can you all go to GPS?

SunshineCake1 · 17/11/2021 19:09

Do Christmas on a different day.

Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 17/11/2021 19:09

Gardeningtipsneeded what exactly is your Nurse adjacent profession? Just curious why you would advocate a nurse pulling a sickie because it's Christmas.