DH Nightshift Christmas Eve

[TwinkleTwinkleSeren]

DH is a nurse and we’ve been preparing ourselves for him having to work on Christmas Day. He’s been lucky enough to have the last few Christmas days off. Just found out that he’s likely to do a night shift on Christmas Eve and honestly I’m gutted. Our youngest son has ASD and whenever DH does nights we have to ship our oldest DS off to a grandparents house for a sleepover as our youngest disturbs his sleep, goes into his room, turns on all the lights, bounces all over him and tries to wrestle him 😂DS (youngest) gets wound up and excited by the oldest. We cope by DH having to sleep in oldests bedroom locked in! Now I have no idea how Christmas Eve would work if I’m alone with the two of them driving each other crazy 😱The solution would be for oldest to stay at his grandmothers house but I’m absolutely gutted to think that I won’t see him wake up and open his stocking etc. It might be his last year of believing in Santa (he’s 9) and this makes me so sad 😭 seeking advice, I don’t want to split them up but might have to for our sanity 😯

I feel so sorry for your eldest child.
Yes you say he is having a great time with his gran, and bond with his dad. But he is not choosing this . He clearly is having to adjust his life because of his brother.

If you lock the younger one in the room with you then there is no problem and no need for his dad and the older child to be locked in.

If things are this bad then you need respite.
Your son has a condition but he must have boundaries.

I hope you get the help you need for your eldest sons sake. His life should not be disrupted because of his brother. I didn’t get your laughing emoji as I felt like crying for your poor eldest.
It's his home and he should have the freedom to enjoy life as a normal 10 year old.

It does sound incredibly tough, but if he’s had the last few off it does seem only fair to his colleagues that he works.

Have a lovely celebration another day when he is around and rested.

I have tried locking our bedroom door from the inside but when DS finds it locked he turns on the lights/bounces/strips the bed etc.

Well if you do this on Christmas Eve he'll only disturb you rather than his brother so surely that's the solution? That way his brother can stay home.

Have I missed something here, or is the really obvious solution for you to sleep in with your youngest and prevent him from leaving the room to wake up your oldest? How can he keep getting away if you're in there too? [confused

www.amazon.com/Natrol-Melatonin-Time-Release-Tablets/dp/B001HCM7AQ?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Here's a link to slow release melatonin, 5mg is within the boundaries of paediatric dosing.

I can’t find the post now but the person who recommended a safespace bed - I only found out about these the other day. They look amazing and could well the the long term solution we are after. Will look into these.

I have tried locking our bedroom door from the inside but when DS finds it locked he turns on the lights/bounces/strips the bed etc

Well yes, but better that he's doing that in his/your room than his brother's? What are you doing whilst he's doing all this bouncing around the house, do you just stay in bed?

But that only disturbs your sleep not his brothers.

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

It does sound incredibly tough, but if he’s had the last few off it does seem only fair to his colleagues that he works.

Have a lovely celebration another day when he is around and rested.

That’s what we are planning 🙂🎄

I dont get why you put all your laughing emojis when you talk about your youngest misbehaving
And its time to stop relying on grandparents. And to stop enabling his behaviour.

It's a natural chemical no drugs

What, like insulin, you mean? Or adrenaline? Just because it's a hormone that the body produces naturally does not mean it is safe. And, yes, it is a drug.

There are concerns about it affecting development in children, which is why it's only available on prescription from a specialist. And it only helps with sleep latency (falling asleep) - it can make a huge difference for some children, but it isn't a miracle cure for sleep disorders.

@MrsColon

Have I missed something here, or is the really obvious solution for you to sleep in with your youngest and prevent him from leaving the room to wake up your oldest? How can he keep getting away if you're in there too? [confused

]]

Here's a link to slow release melatonin, 5mg is within the boundaries of paediatric dosing.

Thank you 😊

My mum is a nurse as far back as I can remember she has only had 2 christmas days off, it is rubbish so you have my sympathy. In your case I'd probably just put up with the potential disturbed sleep, they can always have a power nap in the afternoon. Our children are quite young but they will often crash in the afternoon christmas day after not being able to sleep then up vv early. I wouldn't be sending anyone to sleep elsewhere christmas eve.

@Marvellousmadness

I dont get why you put all your laughing emojis when you talk about your youngest misbehaving And its time to stop relying on grandparents. And to stop enabling his behaviour.

Not enabling and until you have been in this situation, you have no right to judge. As I’ve said in earlier posts, it is rare for DH to do nights, DH loves having a sleepover at his grannies, what kid doesn’t have sleepovers at their grandparents?

@JumparooSavedMyLife

My mum is a nurse as far back as I can remember she has only had 2 christmas days off, it is rubbish so you have my sympathy. In your case I'd probably just put up with the potential disturbed sleep, they can always have a power nap in the afternoon. Our children are quite young but they will often crash in the afternoon christmas day after not being able to sleep then up vv early. I wouldn't be sending anyone to sleep elsewhere christmas eve.

Thank you, it’s not nice working Christmas. I’m planning on putting a lock on the living room door so they can’t get to the present until a decent hour!

Why can’t granny come and sleep over at your house Christmas Eve?

Forgive me if I'm totally off the mark.
If DS2 cannot tell when DS1 is up for playing, would a red/green card system work? Red means leave me alone, green means I'm up for playing. Not for during the night, unless you can hang it outside the door? Obviously depends on if DS2 will respect the request.

I have tried locking our bedroom door from the inside but when DS finds it locked he turns on the lights/bounces/strips the bed etc

What are You actually doing to stop this behaviour? It seems very unfair that Your eldest ds has to be locked in his room to stop the youngest from doing this, yet you won't keep your door locked to contain him

DH loves having a sleepover at his grannies, what kid doesn’t have sleepovers at their grandparents?

You mean your DS?

I'm sure he loves being spoiled and enjoys spending time with his grandparents. However, I also wonder if he also loves sleepovers because he knows he's going to get some peace and quiet without being jumped on or his sleep disturbed.

You keep missing all the posts saying: Keep your youngest in the bedroom with you so he doesn’t disturb his brother. Obvious solution.

He only disturbs his brother's sleep because you allow him to. Should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago.

@TwinkleTwinkleSeren You have been very gracious despite the judgmental posters thinking they could do a better job despite knowing fuck all about raising a young child with ASD.
You and your husband sound like you are doing a good job of managing your family to me. Especially when you have both likely suffered from years of sleep depravation.

@Sirzy

Quite possibly teaching grandma to suck eggs but it sounds like he is seeking a lot of Proprioceptive input? Hence the play fighting and things.

Deep pressure and heavy work activities may help both day and night.

Thank you, he’s a sensory seeker. His teacher in his ASD unit says he loves the weighted blanket so might get him one of those. He needs a lot of sensory input. He lifts heavy objects, licks, pulls etc.

@Snoozer11

He only disturbs his brother's sleep because you allow him to. Should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago.

I understand it must be hard having a child with additional needs but I couldn't agree more with this. It sounds like there is absolutely no routine for anyone and the youngest rules the roost.

Friend uses extra tall saftey gates on bedroom door to stop sen child escaping and hurting themselves

Weighted blanket has been a godsend for us