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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH Nightshift Christmas Eve

288 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 16/11/2021 07:01

DH is a nurse and we’ve been preparing ourselves for him having to work on Christmas Day. He’s been lucky enough to have the last few Christmas days off. Just found out that he’s likely to do a night shift on Christmas Eve and honestly I’m gutted. Our youngest son has ASD and whenever DH does nights we have to ship our oldest DS off to a grandparents house for a sleepover as our youngest disturbs his sleep, goes into his room, turns on all the lights, bounces all over him and tries to wrestle him 😂DS (youngest) gets wound up and excited by the oldest. We cope by DH having to sleep in oldests bedroom locked in! Now I have no idea how Christmas Eve would work if I’m alone with the two of them driving each other crazy 😱The solution would be for oldest to stay at his grandmothers house but I’m absolutely gutted to think that I won’t see him wake up and open his stocking etc. It might be his last year of believing in Santa (he’s 9) and this makes me so sad 😭 seeking advice, I don’t want to split them up but might have to for our sanity 😯

OP posts:
jelly79 · 16/11/2021 07:23

Can he not explain or but in a flexible working request to work days only - surely that would be an option rather than your current solution?

Borderterrierpuppy · 16/11/2021 07:23

How do you normally manage nights when dh is working? Do you think it will be worse just because it’s Christmas Eve? Are they young enough that if you don’t say it’s Christmas tomorrow they wouldn’t know until the morning? Solidarity I have a ds with ASD and he sometimes does all nighters.
We have occasionally completely moved xmas day to accommodate my shifts, kids didn’t mind at all. Also there any activities that knock them out reliably. One of my friends always used to take her kids to the local swimming pool on xmas eve as it’s open and there was always nobody there, tire them out completely and manage to get a decent night. Worth a try?

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 16/11/2021 07:24

@starcocoon

Have one of the kids share your bed for one night.,"
We do co sleep 😊
OP posts:
Cheekytea · 16/11/2021 07:25

Why doesn't your son have lock on his door to stop his brother from getting in there ?

userisi · 16/11/2021 07:26

Why doesn't your son have lock on his door to stop his brother from getting in there ?

Because that would be bloody dangerous if there was a fire

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 16/11/2021 07:28

@Borderterrierpuppy

How do you normally manage nights when dh is working? Do you think it will be worse just because it’s Christmas Eve? Are they young enough that if you don’t say it’s Christmas tomorrow they wouldn’t know until the morning? Solidarity I have a ds with ASD and he sometimes does all nighters. We have occasionally completely moved xmas day to accommodate my shifts, kids didn’t mind at all. Also there any activities that knock them out reliably. One of my friends always used to take her kids to the local swimming pool on xmas eve as it’s open and there was always nobody there, tire them out completely and manage to get a decent night. Worth a try?
Yes, definitely worth a try! They are 5 and 9, the oldest will definitely know it’s Christmas Eve and will be very excited 😛 The youngest gets riled up at the change of routine but struggles with the concept of having to wait! Our sleeping arrangements are unconventional 😂I co sleep with the youngest and DH sleeps in the oldests bedroom (they have to lock themselves in as the youngest will seek them out and wake them up).
OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 16/11/2021 07:30

Yes, I would worry about him not being able to unlock the door and get out again (DH normally locks it from the inside with them both inside)

OP posts:
DiamondBright · 16/11/2021 07:30

Can you lock the youngest in with you?

IDontDrinkTea · 16/11/2021 07:32

Honestly get him to speak to someone doing the day shift. I’m also nhs and everyone would rather do the nights than the Xmas day shift, he’ll be flooded with offers to swap

TheAverageUser · 16/11/2021 07:33

Have the youngest in with you and the oldest in their own room?

userisi · 16/11/2021 07:33

Yes, I would worry about him not being able to unlock the door and get out again (DH normally locks it from the inside with them both inside)

That is still dangerous

sar302 · 16/11/2021 07:34

I used to work at a residential school for young people with autism, Learning disabilities etc, whose behaviours were very challenging.

To prevent the night wandering, each young person had a finger print lock on their door. Only they and the staff could unlock it - only their finger prints registered. (It was overridden if the fire alarms went off.) so they couldn't get into each other's rooms for exactly this sort of thing.

Don't know if similar is available for private homes, but it worked a treat.
Obviously doesn't solve the sleeping issue though!

userisi · 16/11/2021 07:35

they have to lock themselves in as the youngest will seek them out and wake them up

If he's with you, why don't you stop him? I'm not condoning locking the bedroom door AT ALL, I think it's ridiculous, but if you do this doesn't it make more sense to lock you and the youngest in?

Whinge · 16/11/2021 07:38

@userisi

they have to lock themselves in as the youngest will seek them out and wake them up

If he's with you, why don't you stop him? I'm not condoning locking the bedroom door AT ALL, I think it's ridiculous, but if you do this doesn't it make more sense to lock you and the youngest in?

I agree. I hate the idea of anyone being locked in a room. But if you feel it's necessary then why does it have to be the eldest and dad? Surely it makes more sense for the youngest to be the one restricted from wandering at night. Confused
girlmom21 · 16/11/2021 07:38

@userisi

they have to lock themselves in as the youngest will seek them out and wake them up

If he's with you, why don't you stop him? I'm not condoning locking the bedroom door AT ALL, I think it's ridiculous, but if you do this doesn't it make more sense to lock you and the youngest in?

Yeah why don't you just sleep in DS1's room with the lock and let him have your bed for the night?
lololololollll · 16/11/2021 07:39

Oh dear. The judgey pants are out now

Purplefrizz · 16/11/2021 07:39

I would move Christmas Day to Christmas Eve, Father Christmas can leave a letter for when they get up saying that he came early so that everyone including dad can join in the celebration.. don’t warn them obviously and it will be a total surprise!

Squirrelblanket · 16/11/2021 07:42

Not allowing your youngest child to disrupt others seems to be the solution here

Ricetwisty · 16/11/2021 07:44

Sleep in the room with the lock with your youngest. I hope you manage to get some support soon with this, sounds exhausting for everyone and disruptive to keep shipping your oldest off.

Gardeningtipsneeded · 16/11/2021 07:45

Tell you husband to call in sick, or take carers leave. You need childcare when he works nights and you can’t get childcare on Christmas Eve/day.

Honestly, as I get older I realise work is just work. It’a really really not worth any level of sacrifice for your family except so far as to get paid. Assuming he has a good attendance record, just tell him to get a cough and a temp on Xmas eve and call in. His children are young and it’s Christmas.

I’m in a nurse adjacent profession and have worked Xmas, including with young children, for many years, and in this situation I would have called in.

phonetica · 16/11/2021 07:46

I’m guessing a lot of these replies don’t have an autistic child

girlmom21 · 16/11/2021 07:47

@Gardeningtipsneeded

Tell you husband to call in sick, or take carers leave. You need childcare when he works nights and you can’t get childcare on Christmas Eve/day.

Honestly, as I get older I realise work is just work. It’a really really not worth any level of sacrifice for your family except so far as to get paid. Assuming he has a good attendance record, just tell him to get a cough and a temp on Xmas eve and call in. His children are young and it’s Christmas.

I’m in a nurse adjacent profession and have worked Xmas, including with young children, for many years, and in this situation I would have called in.

You're telling a nurse to call in sick on Christmas Eve because he has a child who will keep another child up late - on Christmas Eve - when all children get over-excited and keep each other up late? Wow...
Brefugee · 16/11/2021 07:48

I don’t think he can swap tbh. He’s requested Boxing Day off as it’s DS birthday 🥳

this is your future if you do jobs that require shift work and your child has a birthday on one of the holidays. You just have to suck it up and try to get the day off that your family thinks is more important.

We have a similar sort of birthday but for many years unless it fell on a Sunday i always had to work because it was an "all hands on deck" day and my bosses were inflexible fuckers. Families get used to it.

Can he not explain or but in a flexible working request to work days only - surely that would be an option rather than your current solution?

Then someone else who has that day off will have to swap. Lovely. Mess up another family's Christmas?

OP, I'm with the pp who think the sleeping arrangements need to be addressed. Christmas is just a red herring here, tbh

JSL52 · 16/11/2021 07:49

@Gardeningtipsneeded

Tell you husband to call in sick, or take carers leave. You need childcare when he works nights and you can’t get childcare on Christmas Eve/day.

Honestly, as I get older I realise work is just work. It’a really really not worth any level of sacrifice for your family except so far as to get paid. Assuming he has a good attendance record, just tell him to get a cough and a temp on Xmas eve and call in. His children are young and it’s Christmas.

I’m in a nurse adjacent profession and have worked Xmas, including with young children, for many years, and in this situation I would have called in.

What a ridiculous suggestion
girlmom21 · 16/11/2021 07:49

@phonetica

I’m guessing a lot of these replies don’t have an autistic child
Firstly, there's a huge spectrum of autism. You can't just dismiss the experiences of others.

Secondly, it doesn't sound like he's completely unmanageable for one parent as OP wasn't worried about her DH having to work Xmas day. It's only nighttime's that are the problem.
There are also lots of really obvious suggestions and solutions being given.