DH Nightshift Christmas Eve

[TwinkleTwinkleSeren]

DH is a nurse and we’ve been preparing ourselves for him having to work on Christmas Day. He’s been lucky enough to have the last few Christmas days off. Just found out that he’s likely to do a night shift on Christmas Eve and honestly I’m gutted. Our youngest son has ASD and whenever DH does nights we have to ship our oldest DS off to a grandparents house for a sleepover as our youngest disturbs his sleep, goes into his room, turns on all the lights, bounces all over him and tries to wrestle him 😂DS (youngest) gets wound up and excited by the oldest. We cope by DH having to sleep in oldests bedroom locked in! Now I have no idea how Christmas Eve would work if I’m alone with the two of them driving each other crazy 😱The solution would be for oldest to stay at his grandmothers house but I’m absolutely gutted to think that I won’t see him wake up and open his stocking etc. It might be his last year of believing in Santa (he’s 9) and this makes me so sad 😭 seeking advice, I don’t want to split them up but might have to for our sanity 😯

Melatonin for a child needs to be prescribed by a specialist service eg a psychiatrist in child and adolescent mental health service rather than a gp. Milk contains a low level of melatonin which is what makes it a good bedtime drink and you can by milk with naturally enhanced melatonin something to do with when the cows are milked.

Melatonin helps with getting to sleep but will not help with staying asleep if your little one wakes up lots but certainly worth trying.

@TwinkleTwinkleSeren

Some people dont have any idea what life can be like with an autistic child. Not exactly the same situation but we have also had servere sleep struggles. Child is now on melatonin and i dred to think where we would be without it. The sleep deprivation i was suffering prior to this was extreme. My health was in decline, out relationship was struggling as we never had anytime to have a conversation. One child never had the opportunity for me to read their bedtime story. The other child was struggling with too little sleep, servere anxiety especially in the evening. I was bruised from being attacked most nights.

My child wasnt being naughty they have a sleep disorder and anxiety alongside autism.

The change melatonin has made is astonishing. Youngest children are both asleep at agood time. I have time for the NT child, i have quality time with the ND child, and they have a good relationship with their dad now. I rarely get hit (only if something major has happened at school and anxiety is outof control). Child is better rested which has reduced panic attacks and meltdowns alot.i can have a conversation with husband in the evening. We can watch TV together. We can sit and chat to older teens or play a gam in the evening. Life has improved for everyone of us.

Phone up the doctor this week (peditrician) and tell them how desperate things are they should post the prescription out now. There is no need for them to wait,

Also worth looking at the safe sleep pods and the fingerprint option for doors. Cerebral charity is great for gettign specilaity equipment. They can also design and make things you need in their inovation area.

Good luck

@Queenelsarules

The naivety of posters stating that OP should seek professional help, like she won't have tried that. The reality is there is no professional help for children with Violent and Challenging behaviour. Social services have nothing to offer, CAMHS are not fit for purpose.

If you've not tried melatonin, it can be a game changer. It doesn't solve everything, but at least everyone gets some sleep.

Solidarity to you OP, I have two Autistic children who trigger each other constantly, get physical with each other, and us. Noone will help us.

Seconded.

OP, I've now rtft and agree with posters who say this needs addressing on several levels. You clearly don't have a good service locally. Nor did we. But it's when you get to see the likes of a proper holistic service for all the family that things really improve. Go to the BIBIC website. They seem to be offering what they did when I went there about 15 years ago. That is a free, charity funded, full day assessment with several different disciplines assessing your child and family needs. At the age your kids are they will experience the assessment as a giant play date. BIBIC even has a fun pool where you splash around as a family for part of the day. They gave us piles of ideas about sensory aids, massages the family could do themselves, psychological ways of looking at things etc etc. above all it helped our boys with their tendency to set each other off In shared space, to actually bond. I cannot recommend it too highly. At the end of the day you also get an incredibly full and in depth written report which you can take to their gp and school to give them even more insights at their ends.
I'm impressed you are only finding your situation difficult at Xmas so you are clearly really fantastic parents, but to give yourselves some support and respite that you are clearly not getting from your gp and clinic at the moment, I would definitely suggest the BIBIC assessment will give you some great ideas.

Could both kids sleep with you a special treat? Would that work? Can you test it out before Christmas Eve?

@Yourcatisnotsorry

So have Christmas on Christmas Eve instead. Kids won’t realise.

Seriously? The older child is 9. He might be ok with it, but he’s going to notice!

@Gardeningtipsneeded

Tell you husband to call in sick, or take carers leave. You need childcare when he works nights and you can’t get childcare on Christmas Eve/day.

Honestly, as I get older I realise work is just work. It’a really really not worth any level of sacrifice for your family except so far as to get paid. Assuming he has a good attendance record, just tell him to get a cough and a temp on Xmas eve and call in. His children are young and it’s Christmas.

I’m in a nurse adjacent profession and have worked Xmas, including with young children, for many years, and in this situation I would have called in.

A very selfish thing to do. Who's going to cover for him then, what if it's another dad or mum who has to go in. They've worked it out so it's fair who works on Christmas/New year on rotation and it's not fair on his colleagues let alone patients. Why take a job you don't want to do? Happy to take the money but don't actually want to work.... not a great attitude. People are dying in ambulances wating to be admitted, that's if they're even lucky to have the ambulance come, and you're advising a nurse to call in sick!!! 🙄

If he disturbs you with the door locked, then you deal with it until he realises it's no use. Leaving the door unlocked isn't a solution as he disturbs his brother instead. Surely it's best for the brother to sleep well and for you to deal with him stripping beds etc as you're the parent. Hope you manage to get melatonin and it helps.

Agree with others. This needs sorting

It’s not right your eldest gets shipped off when dh does nights

Keep youngert in with you. You look your door if need be or get a dog gate as they are tall

You need to feel with the youngest if he wakes

Let eldest sleep peacefully in his own room

Yes he doesn’t like sleeping alone but prob as knows he will get pounced on

I have a four year old with severe ASD, SPD, non verbal, intellectual disability. He often hosts “party nights” as well despite melatonin and a good routine. However despite all of that I still keep him in his room when he’s awake and he knows if you are awake in the night you can’t leave your room.
You need to redirect your son so he’s not disturbing your other son. I would be more concerned with that then Xmas arrangements.

@Gardeningtipsneeded . I think to phone in sick at the last minute is a really bad idea . Wards are already short staffed and to be left even more short . It is incredibly stressful to be working short staffed and it would be very unfair on his colleagues to do such a thing .
I think the PP who suggested that mum puts a lock on her bedroom door so that youngest can't get out has the right idea . If it's ok for there to have a lock on the DH/DS door then it's ok for mums door .

I have a nightshift Christmas Eve too, finishing at 7am. I will be commuting over an hour away when I finish to be with my family and will either take myself off for a nap when I get there or do some presents/breakfast and sleep whilst lunch is cooking or after lunch. It’s not ideal for me or my family or for you and your husband but he needs to adapt, it’s one day where he may not have much sleep and he shouldn’t take that out on the children and if he gets tired and grumpy should be sent off for a nap whilst you and your children get to enjoy christmas but if he finishes at a similar time to me should come home, have a coffee and enjoy presents and the magic of christmas morning with the kids

I know that there must be thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands or millions of mums on mumsnet, however, there appears to be a growing number of children and young adults with ADD ASD, ADHD, Autism on every level, numerous behaviours mentioned as collections of letters and MH problems in unprecedented numbers. I'm wondering if it's genetic, is it due to eating certain foods, what is is the cause and why do parents continue to have children when the first one or even two have such problems? I honestly don't know anyone who has or had children with any of the aforementioned disorders nor have my 5 AC or 14 GC or 4 GGC. Are there areas in which those diagnoses are more prevalent?